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Friday, September 17, 2010

Struggling

I know what scripture instructs us to love our enemies, not to be anxious about everything & slow to speak. I so fail at this, every time I think I'm ok to do this and I always find myself struggling. I find myself struggling with anger, resentment & fear, no matter what I try I fall.

I went to work this morning with the intent that I wouldn't wine & I would hold it together, I failed miserably. I found myself sharing my anger & assumptions towards my ex-husband with my Coworkers and my pain of knowing my sister is dieing. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop myself. My Mom told me at lunch break that my Sister was a lot worse today. I had to leave the lunch room and went back to where I was working outside and broke down in tears, I thought I was out of sight, no my wonderful caring Boss found me & we talked, I felt a bit better at least better enough to stop crying.

I know that I should trust God in everything and should not feel anxious, but I feel like I am drowning in trials & keep falling into my sinful nature. I see the sin, I know the sin but I can't stop sinning. Father I Praise you for your love and patients you have for me. Father not through my strength can I be delivered from this sin only through you & the death of your son Jesus Christ.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillippians 4:7

He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me."  But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today. Deuteronomy 8:16-18

I would love to finish but my eyes have become heavy, till the next time....

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