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Monday, March 26, 2012

A Week Past and a Last Week 03/18/12-03/24/12

Wow this last week just flew by. I have to say it has been an interesting one. I have to say this has been the hardest entry to write as life kept interrupting. I started on Friday, I now finish here Monday morning, with all the stopping and starting I hope I didn't leave stuff out.

Sunday my son and I were blessed by my dear friend and her husband giving us a ride to church. My dear friend and her husband sat with us. I have to say that the Sunday service was not a comfortable one. We started by singing worship songs, but through us I could feel a heavy darkness come in. Before the sermon, we would be asked as a congregation to participate in a drama about Mark 15:1-15. We were asked when it was time to scream out " Crucify Him!" We were told our will would tell us not to but to fight past it and yell it out. I couldn't as I could feel the heaviness and darkness that was in the worship center get stronger. How could I deny Jesus after all that he has done in the presence of darkness, there was no way I was going to follow what was being asked and what the crowd would do. After the drama was done we sang some more worship songs and I could feel the weight lifting and the peace of the light returning. Sermon: The King Rejected by Northview Community Church

Sunday night was a night of broken sleep but not one like I had ever had before as I woke up reciting Psalm 23.

Monday, thankfully, went by very fast at work. I am so glad as the pressure, headache and nausea from the concussion I am still fighting with and no sleep on top of it wasn't helping my day

Monday at work went fast, but the night made up for it as my sleep again was broken as again I was awoken in the night with Psalm 23 in my head again.

Tuesday morning I awoke with the word "Sanctify" screaming in my head. I honestly don't know what was up with that. A Facebook friend had given me John 17:17, I had to read further to find the context of what was being said so I read John 17 repeatedly through out the day. I had never known that Jesus had prayed for believers. I found the prayer in John 17:20-25.

I had a group meeting Tuesday night, it was much smaller than usual, possibly because of spring break. We discussed the sermon on Sunday. We at the end talked about a simulcast our church would be presenting on Good Friday it will be about 6 hrs long. We were asked if anyone was interested in going. I nodded yes, but I couldn't go as I couldn't afford it, the reason why I don't participate in anything at the church, not because I don't want to I just don't have the money to pay the fees.  I have to say I found myself getting upset as the conversation I was hearing was turning into mocking of how long it would be and then it was add on if you wanted you could go from the Stations of the Cross straight there and spend your whole day at the church. I could only think of the sacrifice Jesus had made on the cross and how he was mocked as he endured much to save us from our sin. What really 6 hrs. in perspective is it really a sacrifice?? My heart was breaking listening to what was being said. I couldn't believe my ears, am I strange? I don't understand! I don't fit in as I just don't think the same way. I think this is why I always feel like an outcast in this world. I had walked to the group and wanted to walk home so I had time to process things with God in the peace of the walk but there is a dear lady there that was greatly concerned about me walking home, bless her heart. She was unable to drive me home but was insistent that I received a ride home and I couldn't say no.

Wednesday was another fast day at work. I was blessed with finding in an older unit an arrow(as in bow and arrow), you are probably asking how can an arrow be a blessing? My daughter will soon be moving far away, actually a week today she gets on the plain, and one of her most favorite activities is archery. She had gotten hooked up at the camp she has spent volunteering at for the last several years. She even has been asked to go up and teach a group of adults for the weekend.  I brought it home for her and made her close her eyes and when she opened them she was ecstatic.

Thursday was definitely an interesting day at work, I was cleaning out another trade in unit when I found a little plastic cylinder with a cap on it and on the side it read "Hemp" and it had about four seeds in it, it became the talk of work that day.  I reported it to my boss and let her deal with it. I got home Thursday that I would be having a Telus Rep coming by to try to sell me his cable and internet and he would be coming back at around 6pm and I reminded everyone that this was cool as we were also expecting a phone call from the financial adviser about how we could make a budget that balances that night as well. Well the Telus Rep. showed up at 5:30pm right in the middle of dinner, so I sent him away and told him we were expecting a call at around the time he was suppose to come so he said he would be back at 7pm. Here I walk in the house and think I have everything worked out when my mom pipes up the lady is calling at around 7pm, oh no!
Well the Telus Rep. came back at 7pm and shortly after I sat outside with him the phone rang it was the call we had been waiting on so I had to tell the Telus Rep. I had to go. He was persistent as he said he would come back at 8pm, I didn't want to shoe him off as I was curious if this would be a way of saving money and help improve our budget situation.

We talked with the lady about our budget and how we could try to make it balance with what we had for a family of 4. We couldn't touch all the fixed things you have to pay, such as mortgage and utilities. Our only touchable variable expenses were Transportation, Food and Prescriptions, as we had already known we had no money for Entertainment or Clothes. We had allotted a very tight budget of $275.00  a month for gas to get to work, as the gas prices rise and $400.00 for groceries, equaling a $1.08 per meal per person, I'm thinking that might of been an unrealistic amount but even with the budget amounts at that we were still coming out -$14.41. I have to say way better than what the bank had us budgeted at -$500.00. We are living without a safety net with no way of putting out fires that come such as the house repairs and vehicle repairs. We have no way of saving for a rainy day. I am know we are not alone in this venture, there are tuns of people out there facing this reality or even worse.

We finished off our conversation with a prayer, the lady said we could join in at any time. I have to say this was quite awkward, as my mom sat in the room next to me on another phone. I had never been faced with praying out loud with my mom before, I had done it many times in the past with other people, but this was my mom. My mom I have never heard say a prayer except at grace and I was feeling kind of intimidated by the idea of praying out loud in front of her. The Lady prayed and kept praying and then finally there was a moment I could add in and I fought past the awkwardness and opened my mouth and proceeded to trip over my tongue with nerves. I flubbed it, then there was a prolonged silence that was defining. Mom left the call and I talked with the lady a bit about a little bit of our back ground. I told her I would email her a bit of our journey, the turning point that happened in 2009

Friday was the usual busy get everything that needs to be done for the weekend kind of day at work and the day just flew by, I was still feeling the pressure on my head and my head was pounding all day, the nausea would spike with curtain things I did while working. I called mom on one of my breaks and she asked if I wanted her to make me a follow up Doctors appointment. I agreed and she made it for the end of the day on Monday. I was blessed later on in the day with being able to share with a dear lady at work, the relationship I now have with God as I walk with him. God had been opening up lines of communication to share what he has been doing and every time I am given the opportunity as I speak of Him I am filled with Joy . I was able to share with her a printed copy of the testimony of 2009. I am so walking with God right now watching him at work through my life in a way I would have never have imagined.

Saturday I started off the day by receiving an email from my friend and in that email she asked if they could give us a ride to church, what a blessing!!  I continued on my day knowing I wouldn't have to ask a ride to church. I knew at some point I would probably have to go out that day as I would have no choice. Mom had contacted the gentleman that had done our taxes in the past couple of years and he said he could help but we would have to put our name in the book for appointments  and that meant we would have to go over there, which meant driving and using up precious gas to get to work. We bundled in the kids needing to deposit their meager paychecks from delivering newspapers into their bank accounts. Just before we left my mom checked her bank account, thinking there was maybe a $1.70 and hoping to get a bowl of soup at Tim Horton's. She was looking at it in bewilderment and confusion so I looked at it and it said -$168. and something. I could feel the anger building inside at the situation as she had said nothing to me earlier. I asked nicely what happened. She said it was because of when they took it out, I started getting mad. I said that wasn't an excuse that it just means we had to plan for it. Then she proceeded to say she really didn't know what day any day was anymore....we started arguing over bills one more time. We went and quickly did what we needed to do and came home. While on the way home my mom started spieling off how the carport needed tidied, I had already tidied it. She said but the producer had messed it all up to make it look good for the camera. I said no I had already cleaned it twice since then.....the worse part is this is how this conversation has played out a few times, like it never had before. I told her infront of my kids that I had thrown up my hands because I spend all my time tidying up the basement and garage to spend my weekends having to fix it again and again and I wasn't waisting my energy because there really was no point. I think I have lost the connection to this house as I have lost the passion to do anything for it.

My thoughts are consumed with God and walking a path where I can share what he has done in my life. I read scripture and this is what I hear," Come follow me, leave all that you have and come take up your cross." I hear this every time I read scripture and again today as scripture is brought to me the message is clear as I read Philippians 1:20 all my heart wants to do is make this verse my own prayer. I only have one question is why with my heart and so wanting to do what God is calling me to do why are my feet stuck and won't move?

Father thank you for all that you are doing to transform my life into something I couldn't even of imagined, continually freeing me in areas that the chains still want to hold me down. I pray father that one day soon in your perfect timing you will allow me to serve you with all of me. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.  I eagerly expect one day I will be able to follow in the way that you ask me to by leaving all that I have to be soulfully dependent on you as through me you shine your light. Father thank you for allowing me to walk with you and witness you at work in my life and those around me. In Jesus Name Amen.

P.S. I did leave something out, my baby girl moves away this coming Saturday, so this is our last week with her here, please pray for her as she tries to shine the light of her faith, where there is possibly no light.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

What a Week! 3/12/12-3/17/12

I first have to say thank you God for letting gas that normally would not stretch in the past stretch to make it to payday. “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

I went to the doctor on Monday. He is sending me for a bone scan. I showed him the lump in the center of my chest and we are going to keep an eye on it, not quite sure what it is.

We are so busy at work right now that the days have been just flying by at work. Except when, on Wednesday,  I couldn't figure out how to put out a slide in a class A motor home.  I had spent enough time looking, trying to figure it out, so I stepped down onto the top step of the entry and proceeded to lean forward to put my head out the door to ask for help. When I was stopped suddenly and found myself in the sitting position, tears instantly covering my face and nausea. My face was in pins and needles as I had just tried taking out the door frame with the top of my head, the only problem was it didn't want to move. Yes OUCH!! I got an instant goose egg on the top of my head, but with ice from the first-aider the pump was gone in under an hour, unfortunately the rest of the symptoms weren't. A little later I tried helping a co-worker put in a bed to a tent trailer and found the pressure on my head was building to the point I felt like I was going to hit the floor. I made it through the day.

I think knowing my friend was going to being picking me up for coffee that night helped get me through that day. We talked about being real and authentic. God doesn't ask us to carry a mask that hides who we really are. Usually behind every mask is fear and shame. Fear and shame that if anyone really got to know the real us they wouldn't want to know us. The mask is used to oppress us, to keep us paralyzed and inevitably the mask we wear will destroy us. Here are some songs that speak to the masks we where:

Perfect People by Natalie Grant 
Safe by Natalie Grant
What If We Were Real by Mandisa

I also found a talk on this:
Free to be Real: Taking Off the Mask

My girlfriend dropped me off at home and blessed me with a $50.00 gift card for Save-On-Foods..

Friday I was still feeling the symptoms but didn't realize how much until I was on top of a 5th wheel trailer, one of the big ones. I had went up to put paint protection on the top of the nose where you can't reach by a ladder. I laid down and leaned over the nose, repeating this repeatedly as I worked myself from one side to the other, feeling the pressure on my head. I finally stood up to walk back to the ladder that was at the rear of the unit when my head started spinning from the pressure on it. I have to say not the best time to figure out that it might not have been such a good idea to go up there. I carefully made it safely back down to the ground and headed to the first-aider. I told him what had happened and that I would try to see if I could get into the doctor near the end of the day.

I called my mom at first coffee and asked her if she could try calling the doctor to make me an appointment for the end of the day. I wasn't under any circumstance risking loosing my job by taking time off to deal with this as the past came rushing back. She said she would call the doctor for me.

I called my mom back at lunch and she said the doctors office was only open until 11 am, but it was suggested that I didn't wait to Monday to see the doctor, but to head over to emergency at the hospital. I decided against my better judgement I would go to emerge after work on my way to get gas as it was payday.

I made it to the end of the day, getting covered in black paint 10 min. before the end of day. Note to self don't hug the sheet you used under stab jacks you painted, thinking was hard to do on Friday. Covered in paint I headed to emerge. While driving there I came to the realization I had no money to pump the meter and it doesn't take debit, time to right a note to put on the dash, after parking, " Emerge patient, have no money for the meter" and time to pray I don't get a ticket, I can't pay.

I headed into emerge and was greeted by a lady behind the first desk. She did not believe in eye contact or conversation, she had a stone cold personality. She sent me to the waiting room and told me it was going to be a while because they were busy. I thought to myself when is it not?

I was eventually taken into the little room where they take your blood pressure, temp and info. I have to say I dealt with three very pleasant ladies who set my anxiety about being there away and was able to rest from the stress being at the same hospital that cared for my daughter in 2009 and where my Nana and Sister passed away.

I waited for a little bit when a nurse came out to get me. She asked me, as she was walking me to the fast track, if I had any pain medication. I told her that I don't do pain medication. Her tone changed and in a unfriendly voice she asked me why I was there then and what did I think they could do for me! I told her I was here to see if I had a concussion not for pain management. I thought to myself, I hit my head its going to hurt that's normal. I'm here for what doesn't strike me as normal. What is emerge only about pain management?? I turned around and told her why I don't do medication and that I didn't like her attitude.

I was put in where there was four chairs, next to the entry. I was sat across from a mom who had brought her 8 yr. old daughter in to be seen. She also had her two year old son. Next to me was a girl who looked like she was in her 20's She had a lady keeping her company, the lady had a deep accent and one heck of a sense of humor, that helped a bit until she got us all laughing putting pressure on my head. The girl in her 20's phone kept ringing "Nana Nana Bobo I have a text and you can't see it!" to funny when you hear it.

Just before the doctor came and saw me nurse krank warned the doctor about me, like I couldn't hear her...not. Doctor came over and lead me to the cast room as it was the only one available. I told him before the assumption is made like the nurse did I am not hear for pain management. He was pleasant enough but it was like the clock was more important than the care, not giving me enough time to give him all the symptoms as he cut me off. He told me I was suffering from post concussion and the symptoms could last a week. He asked if I could do light duties at work for the next 72hrs. Good thing I don't work for the next two days. He said he would give me a sheet on head injuries that will tell me what to look out for. He went away to the desk and as he was giving the nurse the paper for me I noticed a male nurse that just had come on duty. I recognized him he was one of not many nurses that was very kind to me when my daughter was going through the undiagnosed reaction to the prescription in 2009. I just had to thank him for his help and care and let him know that yes it was the prescription that had caused our nightmare. i was blessed to be able to speak with him and thank him in person.

I left the hospital and headed to Costco to get gas before the light came on saying I was empty, needed to pick up my mom and son's prescription anyways. I have learned to go into the store first as the gas pumps muck up my bank card and my ability to purchase things.

I came to a very sad reality as I got paid Friday. I managed to pay the mortgage, get 39 L of gas, a bag of broccoli, 2 jugs of cheap cranberry juice, cheese whiz on coupon, a box of garbage bags and be left with 90 cents of my paycheck. The sad reality is the mortgage payment comes off every paycheck as we have it setup by weekly.

Today, Saturday, I am still fighting the side effects of the concussion, but learning to adapt. I wrote the chief of medicine for emerge and the manager at the hospital about my experience on Friday.  My Mom and I waited till we had lunch to go out and take back bottles to the recycling depot. We the head over to Save-on-Foods and use the gift card my girlfriend had given me and we were blessed by finding a pack 1/2 inch pork tenderloin chops for $14. and some change, there was 16 pork chops in the packet four meals for us. We were able to get everything we purchased on sale allowing us to get a little more for the value of the gift card. We finished up and headed home.

When we were making the list of what we needed we had asked the kids what they would like for lunch food that was cheap? My daughter piped up "Mom your homemade pizza pops!" Well the rest of my day has been  used to make Homemade Pizza Pops, Ham/Pineapple, Potato/Hamburger/Onions/Carrots/Peas, and what we call piggy's in a blanket( herb & cheese bread dough wrapped around a wiener).

 I am just waiting on the bread dough to rise for the last batch to be stuffed risen again and baked and then off to bed so I can get up for Church in the morning, as my dear friend and her husband pick us up for church...oops that reminds me we didn't make church last week and need to go online to watch it, I would love to hear your thoughts on the sermon, come watch it with me: To Tell The Truth: Jesus On Trial.  Good bye for now!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Blessed and Overwhelmed

I am feeling overwhelmed by what life is throwing my way, don't get me wrong we have had some blessings as well.

I have been struggling with getting my son who has High Functioning Autism/ADHD transitioned over to life after  High School. High School I could just communicate with everyone in his team at school and at home via email, occasional phone call or meeting, those days are over. I'm finding this is not the case in University, I am faced with setting up everything a new. We no no one and this is a whole new system to navigate through and one that you are pointed in the right direction but all the stuff that needs done I need to do. My list of paperwork and phone calls to return were just keeping on growing with no end in sight. Making matters worse, I only could communicate with the people I need to during the same hours I work. I can say the pressure was mounting and in usual form I didn't know where to start and if it was even possible for me to get all I needed done. I was feeling very alone in this venture as the only one I could see could deal with this was me. My son's CLBC worker was relentlessness in her pursuit to get me to apply for the Person with Disabilities form for my son, a form I was reluctant to fill out as me concern of it being a crutch that would stop my son from following his dreams as the funding is attached to welfare services and I felt would not allow him to attend university and complicate him getting work. I guess I also have prejudgments on how it effects ones self-esteem as when my husband left, my children's father, I felt beaten down by the system as I was treated like a lower classed person not worth anything. I finally said to my son, "You know what you are an adult now and you need to be involved in your future. I can not call your worker and you are going to need to call her. I feel this will give you an opportunity to ask questions on how it will impact your future and whether it will effect your schooling or not. You are the one that has to live with what ever is decided so you need to be involved. She can help you with the form if you decide to apply " My son phoned her and after getting past her talking as if in the third person, as she kept referring to my son's name as if he was calling on behalf of him, he decided he wanted to apply as it wouldn't effect his schooling. I asked if she was going to help him fill out the paperwork? My son said no I would rather you helped me...ugg.

I was praying that some how all of this stuff would get straightened around because I just didn't have it in me to get it all done. I spoke with my counselor and one of the pastors at the church and said I really needed some one who could step in and be the squeaky wheel for my son to get everything that needed done to get him back on track. I have to say about a week later, I called home on my coffee break to find out that all my son's schooling had been miraculously straightened out, Thank you God!!!! I was also told that a summer camp my son had apply too had accepted him as support staff for the summer. What an answer to prayer as this would give him his first opportunity to be independent, himself free of us girls in a safe environment.
I have to say my week was flying a mile high after that weight was taken off my shoulder.

I have to say though after that I had prayed for a friend who was feeling under battle of spiritual warfare. I can say after praying I was now feeling the weight of attack. I think I have determined the meter for walking on the right track, if we are not a threat to Satin there is no need for him to come after us but if we are lifting praises and testify to how great our God is and share what he is doing in our lives so those around us can share in what we are witnessing we are so a threat to Satin and he will attack to suppress those from hearing the Good News . I have to say that I have been feeling the suffering lately. I have been fighting the physical and emotional pain.

 My physical pain is my spine, hip, knees and fingers have been feeling like they have something sharp piercing them, as my Arthritis is agitated. I was standing in my room speaking with my daughter when she found herself having to catch me as I lost all the power in my right side to stand, this is nothing new but I usually can rescue myself without anyone noticing through the pain. I had to see my doctor for other reasons when I mentioned my daughter having to catch me. I had mentioned that when I was little my hip was broken in a freak accident, I was laying at the top of the stairs waiting on my grandparents coming over when my brother heard them coming and ran to meet them tripping over me shattering my hip as he proceeded to go flying down the stairs, he was not injured. I was a preschooler at the time. I was asked by the Doctor if I had ever had an x-ray to see if it had healed properly since? I said I didn't know so he sent me for one and I have now been called back to see him tomorrow.  I also woke up, after seeing the doctor, last weekend with a lump forming in the center of my chest and as the week has gone on it has gotten larger and I can feel the pressure it is causing and the nausea it is causing and it just doesn't feel good. I am praying that this is only the physical manifestation of spiritual warfare I have experienced in the passed.

I also have been fighting the emotional pain as the challenges keep flowing against us. I had met with one of the Pastors at the church and he is looking into how they can support my family in this challenging time. When I met him I had great peace given to me before meeting, my sense of God being in control even though everything was falling apart was strong. I find myself fighting the lies as my flesh & heart fails me, but God strengthens my heart to continue. We went to pick up our yearly taxes, when we received the news that the person who was volunteering for low income people to do their taxes had made a really big mistake. He couldn't figure out my daughters and mucked up my income tax but had filed my son's but had not filed it as disabled. You might say should be an easy fix, me thinking not so much as it was allot of work to get him his disability recognized and entered in the first place and this will effect any thing we apply for in regards to his services and will take time, allot of paperwork and phone calls to straighten out this mess and I am already feeling stretched past my limits. I can officially say there is not enough of me to go around. I was also faced with the fact because of that mistake he made he has refused to do our taxes. He also brought to reality that my tax return that use to cover our property taxes every year will no longer be enough to cover them anymore, so unless God preforms a miracle the inevitable will have to be faced and what we have been barely making it will come to an end as we will loose our home. I asked on my Facebook page today would it be being to bold to ask God to preform a miracle and make our mortgage payment disappear to never return, miraculously be paid out, because that is the only way I can see us being able to get through this. I know that is such a crazy thought, but you can't blame a girl for trying, can you? I have learned one thing from all this, that just like person High Functioning Autism are hard to recognize unless you live with them, so is poverty. You could look at the person next to you and you would never know where their at by just looking at them, unless they wore it on their sleeve.

My family were talking at the table tonight, after my son and I's attempt to walk to church this morning in the poring rain that epicly failed as cars drove by and sprayed us. I had mentioned wouldn't it be funny if some of those cars that hurried by us were actually going the same place we were headed. My mom said nobody thinks that someone they knew would be walking because nobody walks anymore. I said it is so sad that we as a community and a society have become so desensitized to the poverty around us. My Daughter said it's like going on a missions trip, doing your service to the poor and then coming home and going about your life until the next opportunity to serve, we forget that when we come home there are people around us that live in poverty. I have to say I use to live in the world of desensitized as I never gave a second thought to it until God opened my eyes and has shown me the walk and the pain that comes with it, the isolation it grows as you can't join into things that those around you do because you have to account for every penny you have or you might not make it, one wrong choice and your in more trouble then you already are. When you are in poverty there is no room to breath. God is the only breath that keeps me going as he breathes life back into me where I see broken pieces.

I can tell you about one of those wrong decisions. I had a gift Certificate to get my haircut, I had been struggling at it getting in my eyes at work, so I needed it cut. I knew in the back of my heart if I drove to the hairdressers I most likely wouldn't have enough gas to get to work for the next week. I went to get my haircut . I should have trusted my instincts as now I worry if there will be enough gas to make it the rest of the week. We also made another choice to spend the money we were blessed with to by groceries as we had run out of food at the end of last month and now my children and us will not go hungry but we didn't save any for a rainy moment, like gas. I say it is like walking a tight rope when you live in poverty, lean to far one way or the other and you might fall off. I find though as long as my focus stays on Jesus I have a much easier time walking the rope.

Thank you Father for being my rock and my stronghold, my shelter from the storms. I come to you boldly like a child wanting something saying please, please if there is anyway of taking this pain from me, but in all things be your will done. In Jesus Name Amen.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Not By My Strength But By Yours

Today at Church we were focusing on The Gospel of Mark the Final Chapter Part 2. After all the disciples had demanded that they would not abandon Jesus after he told them they would. Peter had insisted matter of factually he would die before he would deny Jesus and like Jesus predicted he denied him three times before the rooster crowed.

I here this and think of my post "Spending Time/ Being Blessed with Wisdom" I read this and compare it to what I heard today. I heard today that the disciples thought they would be strong enough to not deny Jesus on their own strength. One thing I have learned since God has taken me on this transforming Journey is that I can not do anything on my own strength, but only through his strength. Only through the strength of God have I been able to be free to be who he created me to be free of fear and shame. I know he is still teaching me and I know I have much more to learn. I find the neatest part of this journey is when God shows me what he has taught me and shows me how he is transforming my life.

I have gone from a little girl that use to sing to God about his creation of all the things around me on the farm, when no one was looking as I was so in love with him back then, to someone through trials learned to hate God and have contempt for him and those who had anything to do with him. God wasn't willing to give up on me and I was still searching for purpose. I was a mixed up lost sheep that my Shepard found and brought me back to where I belonged. I have to say though in the beginning I kept Jesus as a door hanger when I first came back, showing everyone how nice he looked, but I wasn't willing to let him in all the way. I wasn't willing to give him everything quite yet. I finally after many back and forth struggles finally was baptized and shortly after went through the trial of my life, that made the verses in 2 Corinthians 1:3-11 words that I could speak and mean from the core of my soul.

God has taken this Broken Girl with walls protecting her a mile high, surrounded in fear and shame of who she was and gave her a new life free of fear and shame and has aloud her to be free to be herself without being afraid. I have never felt this free and I have to say I never want to go back to the way it was. I want to run arms extended right into Jesus's arms to never leave again.

 I do all things through Jesus Christ who died and rose again to set me( and you) free and took the sting out of death. Not by my strength but through the one who has set me free, Jesus Christ.