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Sunday, July 15, 2012

When One Doors Close...

We went on Tuesday to take a second look at the place that was so perfect, I was still a little hesitant as if we got this place I was concerned that I still wouldn't be in a place I could have people over, hold a bible study or pastorate something I have always wanted since we moved in together as I have never been able too with out shoving my mom aside.

I am a very social person and have always  needed to be around people, even though I can find myself sociably awkward I am happiest in large group settings. My place before we moved in together was always full of people. When my Mom and us moved in together it became very apparent my Mom prefers her own company and guests stress her out allot as she needs to have everything perfect.  We eventually stopped inviting people over as it became to stressful.

I was pleasantly surprised when the Realtor took us to the amenities room right next door. She opened the door and it was this very large beautiful room with a full kitchen and just past that was a fireplace flanked with two leather couches and there was a very large area you could set up tables, with a very large deck, perfect for everything I thought I would not be able to do.

I felt God was ticking of every need and want we had, this was too perfect. We went back to the office to write an offer on the place and sign the listing papers for our house so that upon an excepted offer we would list. We were told if she heard something before 10 pm she would call us.

Not long after, we received a call. Our Realtor informed us before she could present our offer, someone from Vancouver had put in an offer that we could not compete with....sad face..My mom was heart broken as she so thought it was the one and she felt so at home there.

We would soon find out that this was only the beginning of our Journey and we would soon know why. Before our second look at the condo we lost we had gone to the floor before to view a condo that was the same floor plan but in reverse. My Mom could not get past the odor from the 4 cats living in the condo and being a dog person and a germ a phoebe she could not get past the food and water dishes set out for the cats on the kitchen counter, as well as the multiple litter boxes. I had stopped looking at the condo because it was apparent by my Mom's facial expressions there was no way, even though this condo was priced $25,000. less than the one we were about to lose.

I went to work the next day thinking how I could convince my Mom to go for it if we could get it at a low enough price we could replace all the carpets and I am a detailer with all the commercial cleaners, I would have no problem cleaning the place. My Mom came up with one excuse after another, until I told her that all the other places out there were much older and nothing she would even consider, why not get this one as an investment and use to be able to step up the ladder to the type of place she would be happy with. We went for a second viewing so that we could see what we would really have to do. When we got there the lady was still there and she was explaining that she was just wanting to move into a smaller condo that was for sale just down the hall, as her Mom had passed away and she just needed a place just for her and her cats now. She eventually left and when we were looking around we noticed in one of the bedrooms was the memorial card for her Mom and her Mom was a Bennett too. So now our Realtor is related to the Bennett's and now the condo owner, what's up with that?

We went back to the office and wrote the offer, her Realtor would not present our offer to her till morning and had asked if we could go higher as she couldn't afford to take it for the offer we had presented...we had to think about it as my mom is allergic to cats and there was no way we could do anything but rip out all the carpets and we were not much better off than her.

I started playing on the computer when we got home looking for pictures so I could see it again, when I stumbled across the unit I had found before and had assumed it was the cat ladies, but when I found the pictures I soon realized I was wrong it was a different place all together. I emailed our Realtor with a I'm confused email.

The next day while I was at work the Realtor picked up Mom to look at it and it was the exact floor plan as the one my Mom had fallen in love with but right under the one we had lost, so she pulled the offer and the cat ladies place and after work we wrote an offer on this place that was move in ready, immaculate. They countered our offer and it was just under the price of the cat ladies place when they excepted the offer.

We understand why God said no at the first place now, as this place is the same and just perfect but for double digits less than the one we wanted in the first place when that God said no.

We have now put or place up for sale and are praying for it to sell fast so that we can move into it before my son is done with volunteering at summer camp, so it will have the least impact on him with his Autism.

We have been working hard on getting everything we need to get done to make our place look its best, like painting brown doors white.

I have to say though rushing around doesn't come without its consequences. After dinner tonight, My Mom asked me to take our large convection toaster oven off our deck to the downstairs. I would need to cut through the kitchen for the direct route to down stairs. I lifted up the toaster oven and started coming through the kitchen when I was abruptly stopped by the door that had been left open on the dishwasher. I ended up falling over the door with oven still in hand, trying not to break the dishwasher door ( can't afford to replace it) I knocked the bottom drawer that had also been left open I landed still holding the oven, I was in so much pain as I had twisted my body and had some how by the looks of it pulled a tendon in my left arm and bruised the inside part of my elbow pretty good. My mom and son were freaking and not till I got up and mom started showing me that I was less than an inch from being stabbed by the sharp knives in the dishwasher. My Mom had thought I possibly had been, until she made sure.

I was suppose to drive my son back up to camp tonight but he was so upset because he had left the dishwasher open that he started melting down from the stress and was becoming physically ill. I started driving him but he asked me to take him home. He texted camp and let them know he wouldn't be there till tomorrow. I am so hoping I am going to be able to drive him tomorrow night as my body starts to object to my acrobatics earlier.

Well it is time for me to call it a night and say my prayers.

Father thank you for giving us "no's" sometimes as you know what is a far better "yes". Thank you for teaching me to listen to you and have the peace to follow you, even when nothing makes sense. Father I ask a favor of you, could you please find a buyer for our house fast so that the stress of all this doesn't become to much for my mom and son. Father I also ask for your healing hand on my body so that my stumble doesn't effect my ability to do my job this week and on. I know you can step between the pain if quick healing is not in your plans and I ask for you to walk me through this as you always do. Father I lift those who are reading this post or any other post I have written, allow what you want them to hear take root and anything that is not of you fall to the waist side and discarded. Father many are facing challenges in their lives please help them to not walk it alone and realize if they invite you into what they are going through you will be there as you love them more than they could ever imagine. In all things let your will be done. In Jesus Precious Name through the Spirit Amen.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Wow!! Thank you God!!

Where do I start, I was so upset in my last post but did what God asked me to do (Matthew 18:21-35), make a way to forgive the debt of sin against me, as he made a way to forgive mine through his son Jesus Christ. 

My Mom and I went to the bank on Friday with the letter as is from my work, even though I was told by many to question them on it and see if there was anyway they could rewrite it. I was discerning that God wanted me to trust him and leave it as is and he would take care of it.  

We met with a new lady at the bank as the manager that we knew there had been transferred and the lady we normally speak to under her was on maternity. We walked into the office and there was a great sense of peace as we spoke with her. The letter was a non issue and she said we could qualify for anything up to what we had now and that a penalty would be less than first thought. 

I said to her that this was good but I wanted to know what the amount would be that would bring down the monthly fees to a breathable level. We were turning to say good-bye and leave when a light struck my eye and it was reflecting off the silver coloured cross that was hanging around her neck. I truly think that was God letting us know he was there in that meeting with the bank.

Makes you think what was that emotional frenzy except a lapse in faith and energy burnt in stress and fear that is not needed when our God is in charge. 

Before we went to the bank on Friday my mom had contacted the Real Estate  office, on Tuesday, that my mom had dealt with for years, but the Realtor that sold us this house had since past away from cancer and when Mom had found out by inquiring how she was the Manager had given her the news and told her to contact him if we found ourselves needing a Realtor and he would make sure we were taken care of. The manager kept his promise and had a very strait forward Realtor who comes across as real not fake and she sais it how it is.

The Realtor came by Wednesday morning, 4th of July, to come do an appraisal of what she thought we could sell for and what she thought we would need to do to the house to get it ready. She was talking with my mom while I was at work and mom found out there is a strong possibility we are related to this Realtor, we have never met before.

We found out that the value in our house will allow us to down size to something that will be much smaller but way less than what we are having to come up with now and with numbers crunched our expenses will almost cut in half. I showed mom the numbers and she agreed, Thank you God!! You see I only have token 10% interest in the ownership of our home that I was given when we first moved in together, to protect me if anything happened to my mom, so no one could kick us out of our home. Because of this, I really don't have a say on whether we sell or not because my mom always has the controlling say and up till now she was saying no way as we would be worse off. But the reality is, that wasn't true once you actually crunched the numbers.

I have to say I am quite ignorant when it comes to home buying and selling, as well as the financing end of things. I use to always be afraid to step into the world I had no idea about, but I can say God has freed me from that fear.

Saturday we went out and looked at 5 places, originally it was more but Mom vetoed out 8 of them as they were not in areas of town she would not buy in or they as she put it looked like dumps/ghettos, by their listing. We knew it would be difficult for the Realtor to find a suitable place as we would need a townhouse or condo that was level entry, had to have at least the master bedroom and laundry facility on the level entry living area of the place so that mom wouldn't have to be faced with any stairs. We needed to have a place that would except the two dogs, as my mom made a promise to my sister, at my sisters request, less than an hour before she passed away that we would take care of her dogs and would never give them away. Mom also needed to be with in walking distance to town and the park so she wouldn't be home bound. We also needed it to be at least capable of having three bedrooms. We knew we were asking for a miracle, I think this is most likely why we started all this with reaching out for prayer as soon as we knew moving was a thought.

We went to the first place and it was only 5 yrs. old, was walking distance to town and the park and had three decent sized bedrooms and the bonus was the master bedroom was on the opposite side of the apartment from the other two bedrooms. The condo was an open concept one with granite kitchen counters, something I never expected to see on our limited budget.

We continued down the list of places she had to show us.

We went to one place that she told us, before we went in, was a foreclosure. My heart started breaking as I know how easy life can change and put you in that place, we were so close many times over this last three years of not being able to afford our payments through circumstances beyond our control. I could only imagine what this person was facing. My son came with us on Saturday and was very chatty as he had never been old enough to go house shopping before and one of the things he does in new situations is ask allot of questions with out holding back. I needed to tell him to lock up the lips while we were in the condo, as it could hurt the persons feelings as they were not selling by choice, much like us but worse off.

We went up to the suite and the Realtor knocked on the door, I was expecting someone young. The door opened to reveal a very petite frail old man. My heart started breaking even more, all I could do the whole time I was in his place was pray for him as I walked from room to room. We left his home, but he did not leave my heart.

We continued on and the last place we looked at was a beautiful townhouse, the family living in it were very apparently christian as their was no hiding it in there beautifully designed home with beautiful wall phrases. We could all feel the peace in this home and you just knew this was a family that prayed together. I have to say the floor plan was just perfect. The master bedroom was on the main level entry. There was a bedroom and a games room down stairs that would have, the way it was designed, been a perfect for bachelors suite for my son, it even had its own entry door, but it wouldn't be.With further talks with the Realtor the complex was in the middle of deciding how they would be replacing all the roofs in the complex and they had no contingency fund. We took a look on the patio and the unit backed onto the playground and with further look the fences and landscape was very neglected. We knew this meant the complex would have to come to the owners with a special something requesting money to pay for these repairs and we knew no matter how much we liked it we could not handle having top put out the extra they would be coming for. Before we left though my son took me aside and told me that he wouldn't be able to wake up to the carpet in the room that would have been his as it was setting of one of his sensory issues and the feeling of it on his feet was stressing him out, but when he came upstairs the colours of the walls was very calming to him. I have to say I was blown away as this was the very first time my son articulated anything like this.

18 yrs. old and my son is still teaching me new things about his Autism. I walk bare foot all the time and I don't think about what I stand on unless it is pointy gravel or hot black top and I never thought about how the carpet and colours would effect him so much. The things I take for granted can impact him greatly.

I have to say I was sad as this would have been the best place to further my son's independence and there was no way we could do it.

The Realtor dropped us off at home and over the next 24 hrs I would come to the realization of two things, My mom and son liked the first place we saw and my mom said she didn't know why but it felt like home.

I had my reservations. I think though I started realizing my reservations had nothing to do with the place but more about what we were leaving. We would be leaving my daughters room and I would have to face the reality she had moved out and we wouldn't have a room for her to move back in. We would also be leaving the community that we loved and most of all the neighbors that God had blessed us with.

I started getting mad that we were not moving because we wanted to but because we had too, then my mind started returning back to why we were in this mess and it was all because of a trauma we went through that if we were listened too would not have happened.

God though started showing me.
You said you would need a place close to town for your mom, I have given you this place,
you asked for a place that would allow the dogs, I have given you this,
you asked for three bedrooms and I gave it to you,
you asked for a place that your mom would be happy with, I gave you that,
you were concerned about taking the dogs up and down an elevator, I gave you a place you would not need to do that,
you were worried about taking the dogs through the halls as one of them barks at every sound, I gave you that as this place is right next to the entry,
you were concerned about neighbors all around you, you only have one above you and no one on any other side, I gave you that,
your mom can access the mail and walk the dogs in very little steps, I gave you that,
you needed something that would reduce your payments, this place will almost cut them in half, I gave you that. 
You asked me for a miracle I gave you that!

On Tuesday we will be seeing this place again and by the looks of it putting in an offer and we will be putting our house up for sale. 

I ask for your continued prayers as God brings this part of his plan together and that in all this his will be done. Thank you!

Thank you God for giving me wisdom into your care and love for me and my family and how you answer our prayers. You are sovereign over all, help remind me in every step you have me walk. I lift up my praise and worship to you my Lord, My God, My Father, My Savior. In Jesus Christ Name Amen. 

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Feeling Like Being Punched

Wow it feels like it has a bit since I stopped by. The last few weeks have been really busy and allot has changed.  I can't believe I survived working 12 days in a row and 94 hours later. I have to admit the last couple of days were rough but I did it.

I managed to have two days off before working Canada Day, but it was a fair trade working the stat to get the following Friday, this Friday off. I was able to book in some stuff that I can't normally do because my work hours conflict. I have set up an appointment at the church to talk to the special needs ministry about the dream God had given me for a community centre for special needs.

Monday night I had been playing on the computer and was looking up houses for sale online. I found this perfect town home, a rancher style. The town home was close to town making everything walking distance, one level making it easy for my mom's mobility, air conditioned so the heat wouldn't get to my mom as most of her medications make her ill in the heat, would cut the commute to work in half cutting the gas, and best of all I did some # crunching and it would cut the cost of our mortgage in half  freeing us from just existing.

We had only one road block standing in the way and that is the penalty on our mortgage that the bank put on when we had to get the second mortgage in 2009 when I wasn't able to go to work because of the trauma we were going through, but I was stronger now and I was ready to go to the bank and ask them to wave it if they wanted us to keep our mortgage with them.

 I was reinstated back into my position at work a year this September, after getting fired and then finally being told what I was going through was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from what we went through and I was finally getting control back from the effects of it. I started working for them originally in 2006. I felt this put me in a strong position to qualify again for a smaller mortgage but this time without my mom's income, as I needed to be secure in knowing that if anything happened I could afford to do this on my own. I knew this would be far cheaper than paying rent and our best option allowing us to be able to breathe again.

I went in to work the next day all excited as I had asked for everyone to pray for us, over this as soon as everything started moving. I asked for a letter from my work, for the bank. I called mom at coffee and she had already contacted the bank and set up an appointment on Friday after my morning appointment. She also contacted the Real estate office, she had got the moving bug too as we were seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I received the letter from work and put it in my purse.

This morning I woke up and was going through the morning ritual and was about to leave for work when I remembered the letter from work that was sealed with my name on it. I opened it up and started reading and as I read I felt so angry and so hurt. I had realized my first 5 yrs had been wiped away like they had never existed. I soon came to the realization that the chance of us being able to get out of living never knowing if we will make it payday to payday had most likely evaporated.

My brother had just called waking my mom so I went to her room. She knew I was angry, or I guess you could say livid. I through the letter at her and told her I was pissed but she could read it for herself.

I was devastated and felt like someone had just punched me. I thought what we had gone through was behind us. I thought my work finally understood that we were the victims in all of this and nothing we went through was by choice. I thought they understood and when I was reinstated, they were showing care and compassion as I had shared candidly about what we had gone through.

I now felt like I was being treated no differently than someone that was skipping work, slacking on the job or steeling something and had been fired. I was hurting knowing that all the times I gave all of me to work in the past was worth nothing as if it had never existed before.

I drove to work with the anger and pain running through my veins. I was talking to God all the way to work, praying for his strength and help. While I was driving God brought the "Parable of the Unmerciful Servant" to my mind and then I heard him say "I have forgiven you of your sins, I need you to forgive them of theirs!" My brain started processing the parable and I realized that my debt was my sin and God made a way to forgive me and he was asking me to make a way to forgive them. I told God that there was no way I could do this on my own, only through him I knew this was possible.

By the time I got to work the anger was gone but the hurt and pain I was feeling was still very much alive. I walk to put my purse and lunch kit down. On the way, I was walking towards a coworker and my face must of screamed something was wrong. He asked me if I was ok. I told him I had stuff I had to deal with on my own, trying so hard to just have time to process everything past the emotional stage. I put my stuff away and I heard him call me again. He said " Nicki we need to pray, do you want to go pray?" that opened up the flood gate of tears. We went into one of the units and he prayed for me, as I fought back the tears.

I headed over to ware all of us meet in the morning and the tears were not cooperating and one of my other coworkers was sitting there and she looked at me as the tears were flowing and I couldn't do anything but spill why I was hurting. I released what I was trying to bottle and then I was able to get control back and put the mask back on that said, I'm ok or as another coworker thought I was just tired, thanking God that was all she said.

I could feel God giving me what I needed to get through the day. He gave me the ability to continue my work just the same as I did before reading the letter, as he kept whispering to me all day "grace, give them the grace I gave you" the same words he gave me when he first brought me back to work.

God has called me where I am and he is who I work for everyday and I will give him my all, by giving my all in all I do.

Well tomorrow is my last day of work for the week, then I will keep the two appointments on Friday, but I do ask for your prayers over both appointments. Saturday we go out with the Realtor to see what our options are if the bank gives us the go ahead.

God I know you are in control of everything and that everything has a purpose. Please God if it is in your will please open the doors to where you want us to go in a way that we know it is you guiding our foot steps. Thank you for being in conversation with me today and helping me get through the day, hopefully in a way pleasing to you! In Jesus Precious Name Amen.

Please Continue to pray for the Klassens and the Kuhns