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Friday, May 27, 2011

New Beginnings

   A while back, I had felt God transforming my life after the trial & felt him pulling me in a different direction. I prayed back then for direction and being I was so unobservant could he please slam the doors that needed to be slammed and open the ones that needed to be opened. I believe yesterday when I was let go from my work do to circumstances beyond any of our control this was God slamming one of the doors in my life. I knew when I went home last week that this was most likely the out come.

     I wasn't feeling a hundred percent yesterday but I didn't feel it was fair to any of us to put off the inevitable, so I went to work. As I was getting ready to go, I commanded that the demons in my life return to the pit of hell to never return and I prayed for God to speak through me, plus give me strength at work because I have athlete's tongue & babbling brook syndrome(I keep sticking my foot in my mouth & tears ). When I arrived at work I was walking to the door I could feel God's presence & he showed me the cutest little baby bunny all alone in the garden & Mathew 6:25-34 came into my thoughts, I knew at that moment everything was going to be ok. I walked through that time at work witnessing God do has I asked, he spoke through me. I saw God use this moment that should have been a moment of sadness & turned it into a moment to witness my faith to those I cared for and giving me a sense of closer to my purpose he had for me there.

   I strangely feel at peace, fear is not present even though it was expected.

I had time to think & pray after I came home from work and three options came to mind of what could be done now.

(1) I can continue to detail RVs & Vehicles from home as I have all the same stuff at home as I had at work.
(2) I can teach detailing as I have 5 yrs experience and it was not my work that found me getting let go from work. My absences do to medical appointments & stuff  for my children & me, was the reason for the termination. I actually received a positive five year congratulations/appreciation letter & gift with my termination papers and was assured it was not my work, as I was a hard worker, it was my attendance.
(3) I can start promoting my Photography locally in some of the small businesses use it to support my family & anything received more than the wage I received at work would be donated.

I had went to Northview on Tuesday for guidance to help form a plan that is biblical as we go through another trial & beginning of a new season in our lives.

I will be returning to Wellsprings Counseling for prayer counselling starting next week, during this time.

Father what else can I do but praise you through this. Father I thank you for giving me the assurance of feeling your presence with me through these days. Thank you for shining your light on a path that should be in this worlds view dark. Father during this time could you put me on a short leash so that if I start to stray you can pull me back quickly. Father please shower your peace over my family & help them lean on Faith rather then understanding. Help us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. I Praise you God! In Jesus Christ Name Amen.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

To all who were part of the season past.....

Well, I said a prayer God please give me direction, please slam the doors that need slammed and open the ones that need to be opened, well a door has been slammed opening the door to a new season/path in my life. I thank all the people behind the door in the season that has past for being a part of who I am today, allowing me to grow as a Person & as a Christian. You will truly be missed & I pray God gives you a part in my new season. Love you All!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Where Do We Lay Our Feelings Of Security?

I was driving to Church this morning and was faced with the question "Where do we lay our feelings of Security?" I had to think about this one.

I feel the world teaches us that as long as we have a job to support our families, housing & food on the table this gives us a sense of security. I ask myself now "How secure is that ideal of security? "

How secure is a Job? We heard of the recession that consumed this world we live in, many worked for companies for years thinking their employment was secure & overnight found themselves unemployed as the companies couldn't survive the recession. You are driving along one day & without warning you are in a car accident, your injuries prevent you from doing the job you once did. Your loved one is diagnosed with an illness that requires you to be absent from work making you into an unreliable employee & you are let go, there are so many things in this life that can change in a moment. How secure is a job?

How secure is housing? People every where in this world are finding out how secure the roof over our heads is. People found out when the recession hit due to job loss & mortgages they were unable to pay the cost of their shelter. Around the world right now through earthquakes, tornadoes, flooding & fires people are finding themselves homeless to no control of their own. How secure is housing?

How secure is the food on the table? People that use to not worry about the cost of food & how they would be able to put it on the table are finding themselves in that very position with the rising cost of fuel & food costs they are finding the rising prices of food making it hard to put food on the table. Parts of this world are facing famines, flooding & climate change. How secure is the food on your table?

I find myself constantly falling to need theses securities for my families, but then I remember those eight months when I couldn't work as my family needed me at home as we went through the trial together. I had only 15 weeks coverage by Employment insurance, unable to collect any other benefits, leaving me with 17 weeks of no income.

God was showing me how to lean on faith rather then understanding. He was helping me to lean on his word "Mathew 6:25-34" I had never done this before but I had become broken & humble over that time leaving me with nothing but the trust I had found in Jesus Christ through that time. God kept his promise as miraculously our needs were met as long as I kept my focus on Jesus & did not stray.

I had found this a very new & uncomfortable thing in the beginning as trust was not something I had found was not betrayed in the past (About Me). God knows every thought I have he knows what I face, he refines me through trials.

I don't believe if I hadn't gone through the trials I have gone through so far I would have ever learned to trust again or have the faith I have in Jesus Christ. How would I have noticed his love for me if everything was going fine, I don't think I would have had reason to search for what was missing in the calm.

 All these years I was missing something in my life, a sense of security that I thought if only I could get  the things this world teaches us are security I would find peace & hope. I found out that this was not the security that would set me free, I found out that the love of a Father who would sacrifice his only Son for me & you was the missing something in my life. My Security is my Salvation, the security knowing that Jesus Christ paid the price for my sin & that one day there will be no more tears & no more pain. I find greater trust in no other security. I will still stray at times but God knows me & reminds me that iblong2the3in1, this is where my security lies.

Father thank you for the security you gave us in your son Jesus Christ & thank you for the promise in your word that one day there will be no more tears & no more pain. Thank you for never leaving me even when I stray. Thank you for being the Good Shepard that even searches out one sheep if it stray's from the flock. I know that you take away pain if it is your will but sometimes we need to go through pain so we can be refined. Father I know I can not do this on my own Lord please give me your strength to endure what path my life takes me on, no matter what the trial, help me to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus even when I have nothing left of me. In Jesus Christ Name Amen.

John 14:26-27 , 1Peter 4:11-13

Thursday, May 19, 2011

How Much More Can I Endure?

I have been struggling this last couple of days with my health, before we went through the trial of the over 60/911 calls I had a mammogram where there was a spot found that they were going to keep an eye on. I had absolutely no time to really follow up until in this last month I started feeling a lump. I contacted the mammogram place they needed me to have a Dr. to do the screening, I explained to her my situation & she rushed me in to get a mammogram tomorrow afternoon. I also had found a large lump in my lower privates this last couple of days & I think that was only because it became massively painful, I struggled yesterday trying to find a Dr. excepting patients that I felt I could have a seed of trust with, this is a difficult task with my history with the medical system.
I had a friend tell me about their Dr. they had for several years so I called and they took my number & said they would ask the Dr. I didn't here back from them yesterday.

I got up this morning determined to try to make it through the day of work, still in pain. I started work and with in an hour I started feeling toxic, I had had this problem once before so I knew what it felt like. I was setting up one of the tent trailers and felt very dizzy like I was going to pass out, I caught myself falling forward. I knew I wasn't going to make it. I look t my watch and it was almost coffee so I push myself o make it to coffee so I could finish what I was doing. I went in to talk to the person in charge that day to be told to wait a minute well she finished doing something. She came back with one of the other management and this is where the nightmare got worse. I was told if I was making the choice to go home I could call work on Tuesday and it would be dealt with then. I didn't have a choice I had to go home I was ready to pass out. I was given the impression I was being given the option of choosing to stay, meaning keep my job or leave and risk loosing my job. I always like being told there is a choice when I have no control over how to answer.

I left from speaking with them barely holding back the tears, I was faced with the humility that what was going to happen was totally out of my control or was this the realization that I had tried to take back control of my life, control that I had promised Christ I was giving him.

I made it home, probably shouldn't have driven there. My Mom took me down to the clinic where the Dr. told me that I had a complicated hemroid, what isn't complicated in my life, the complication was there was a mass in it, he would try a prescription but there could possibly be surgery in my near future to have it removed. I have to say it has been a real pain in the but, no pun intended.

I received a call back from my friends Dr.'s office today, the Dr. will except us as patients.

I get brought back to the song "No Matter What" By Kerrie Roberts

I will keep bringing myself back to God's Promise he gave us through his son Jesus Christ & his word, no matter how many times I fall, No Matter What I will love the Father, Son & Holy Spirit.

I thank all who have been praying for me tonight I can feel God answering them with peace & joy that shouldn't be there by this worlds standards, the problems are still there but I am not alone as I can feel the warmth of my Saviour, my Fathers Love as he holds me tight.

Romans 5:2-4
Mathew 6:24-34

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Shock, Confusion & Prayer (added link to Peter, explaining the story I referred to)

A few days ago I was told something that shocked me, I was told about a man of God that I guess I had put up on a higher pedestal than other Christians I know, as he teaches many about Christ. Over the years I have heard him speak of God being a sovereign God. I also know from the bible that all the days ordained for us were written in Gods book before they came to be & he knows the Plans he has for us. I was confused when I heard the news that this man of God was afraid of a drunk charging at him while he was speaking on God's word & was calling for protection from another man. I was confused because should we live in fear if God is sovereign, if  everything that happens has to pass through him before it touches our lives what should we fear. We need to give our lives as living sacrifices to God & as we accept him we need to except what he has ordained for our lives & trust him. I can not judge this man of God as I am a sinner too & don't know what I would do in his situation but I can only hope that God has brought me to a place of trust in him that I trust him with my life. I pray that I won't deny Christ as Peter did. I am left with prayer for this man of God & for myself as a sinner.

Father God thank you for being our sovereign God, thank you for having my days ordained & written in your book, before they ever came to be. Oh Father I Pray for a hedge of protection to be placed around all of your disciples & their families, please cover them with the blood of Jesus please give them the ability to trust you in all circumstances, help us to become a living sacrifice & forgive us/me for our/my sins. Help us to only put you on that pedestal in our lives & help us praise you even through the obstacles we face in this life, help remove all fear & anxiety as they are not from you Lord. Help us to trust you in all that we face in this world & don't let fear stop our hands to reach out to those who need to hear your gospel, the Good News of Jesus Christ, please father help us to not deny you in our walk. In Jesus Precious Name Amen.

Psalm 139

Monday, May 9, 2011

Been a While!

Hello how are you all doing? I haven't had much of a chance to post anything lately because allot has been happening.

I found out on Sunday May 1st that a letter I wrote to our local newspaper, of a suggestion as a story they might be interested in running, was in the Sat April 30th paper as a letter to the editor with my name for all to see. I had mixed feelings as I had mentioned my child in the letter, but it needed to get out. I used this opportunity to email all the 308 Federal  MP's at least the ones I could get email addresses for & all our Provincial 85 of our Provincial MLA's with the letter I wrote to the Newspaper with the links to the study & the Laws I was referring too. I have been getting lots of positive feed back & some strange feedback.

I had also have taken on detailing at home to try to pay for some of the repairs on the house & my son's Grad. I am doing an older fifth wheel right now for someone I know who wants to put it up for sale once it is done. I am strange it is the kind I like to do the ones that pop with the before & after, but take allot of time. I can't wait till it is finished & the big reveal.

Thursday May 5th brought me to a new thing in my faith, something that felt very strange to me. I was working at detailing RV's at work when I heard God speak to me with a message for the Church. I questioned it as I have never had this happen to me before, but had heard of it. I found myself saying "if this is from you God give me scripture" immediately God gave me the parable of the sowing of the seed, like the teenager of my faith I am, I grabbed the opportunity to talk to the leader at Youth while I dropped off my son. She directed me to email the Elder of the church in charge of discernment. When I told her this was so weird(unfamiliar) to me, she told me it was biblical.

  Well this is all I have time for tonight I will have to try to come visit soon to finish catching you up, but for now may you be showered in God's favor as you go through your week.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Needing Prayer for God's Provision.

Well talked to the Lady at the bank end of last week and she told me that with the information my Mom had given her already we didn't qualify, but if I could get her info on my child tax credit & child support, that are disappearing as part of my income in Nov., she might be able to get us qualified. I was afraid of that. I had told my Mom earlier that I didn't want a lone based on an income that would be not coming in soon because I didn't want to get in over my head. I feel debt is a ball & chain that weighs me down, controls ones decision making & causes a whole pile of stress & stress is something I don't need anymore of. I told Mom the loan wasn't going to happen.

Us not getting the loan leaves both of us with the question what then. I choose to trust in God, he didn't abandon us before in our darkest time why would he now, this is where I would like to ask for your prayers for God's provision for  my Master Card, as I put the hot water tank & the electrician (since the main breaker was going on the house), for a new furnace before winter as ours no longer works without a horrifying noise, for our back steps & hand rail as they are rotten, for our plumbing as I have to do CPR on the toilets on a regular basis & for the biggest one a new roof for our house, as the tiles are coming off & I can't fix it and the fascia boards are rotten. I know God is so much better at figuring this stuff out then I. Oh & just to make it clear I am not begging I only want your prayers so the glory & praise in the answered prayer can go to God alone.( not intended to offend anyone) Thank you!

Father I thank you for all you have already done in my life. Help me to sustain from worry & looking else ware but you when times get tough, help me run to you first. I humbly come to you know with what I have listed as needs, I pray for your provision Father, but let your will be done. In Jesus Precious Name Amen.