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Thursday, May 19, 2011

How Much More Can I Endure?

I have been struggling this last couple of days with my health, before we went through the trial of the over 60/911 calls I had a mammogram where there was a spot found that they were going to keep an eye on. I had absolutely no time to really follow up until in this last month I started feeling a lump. I contacted the mammogram place they needed me to have a Dr. to do the screening, I explained to her my situation & she rushed me in to get a mammogram tomorrow afternoon. I also had found a large lump in my lower privates this last couple of days & I think that was only because it became massively painful, I struggled yesterday trying to find a Dr. excepting patients that I felt I could have a seed of trust with, this is a difficult task with my history with the medical system.
I had a friend tell me about their Dr. they had for several years so I called and they took my number & said they would ask the Dr. I didn't here back from them yesterday.

I got up this morning determined to try to make it through the day of work, still in pain. I started work and with in an hour I started feeling toxic, I had had this problem once before so I knew what it felt like. I was setting up one of the tent trailers and felt very dizzy like I was going to pass out, I caught myself falling forward. I knew I wasn't going to make it. I look t my watch and it was almost coffee so I push myself o make it to coffee so I could finish what I was doing. I went in to talk to the person in charge that day to be told to wait a minute well she finished doing something. She came back with one of the other management and this is where the nightmare got worse. I was told if I was making the choice to go home I could call work on Tuesday and it would be dealt with then. I didn't have a choice I had to go home I was ready to pass out. I was given the impression I was being given the option of choosing to stay, meaning keep my job or leave and risk loosing my job. I always like being told there is a choice when I have no control over how to answer.

I left from speaking with them barely holding back the tears, I was faced with the humility that what was going to happen was totally out of my control or was this the realization that I had tried to take back control of my life, control that I had promised Christ I was giving him.

I made it home, probably shouldn't have driven there. My Mom took me down to the clinic where the Dr. told me that I had a complicated hemroid, what isn't complicated in my life, the complication was there was a mass in it, he would try a prescription but there could possibly be surgery in my near future to have it removed. I have to say it has been a real pain in the but, no pun intended.

I received a call back from my friends Dr.'s office today, the Dr. will except us as patients.

I get brought back to the song "No Matter What" By Kerrie Roberts

I will keep bringing myself back to God's Promise he gave us through his son Jesus Christ & his word, no matter how many times I fall, No Matter What I will love the Father, Son & Holy Spirit.

I thank all who have been praying for me tonight I can feel God answering them with peace & joy that shouldn't be there by this worlds standards, the problems are still there but I am not alone as I can feel the warmth of my Saviour, my Fathers Love as he holds me tight.

Romans 5:2-4
Mathew 6:24-34

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