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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

You Really Never know! (More info released on accident.)

A family got up yesterday morning with all of the plans for the day, believing they had all the time in the world. They went about their day, when unannounced to them someone that day would be going about there day and make a choice that they would never take back, they went around someone turning left by going into the oncoming lane of traffic where they hit the families mini van head on. One moment there was a family of five and in the next moment there was a family of four fighting for their lives. You really never know!

There was a loss of a son, a husband, a father, a friend & a co-worker to many yesterday. We don't have all the time in the world, so don't live life with regret, live life as like it could be your last moment. I posted a letter earlier to my children because I don't ever want to leave them without them having something they can keep coming back to when they need to be encouraged, because I love them & I mean every bit of what I said.


after posting this more information was released on the accident the driver who went into the oncoming traffic swerved to miss the car turning left into the driveway. News Release

Monday, December 27, 2010

Darkness & Wings Clipped

I had found myself shrouded in darkness with a heavy spirit this last few days, but the light has returned.

 I realized today that I was having my wings clipped, just like a bird does to stop it flying off God was clipping my wings so I wouldn't fly off in my own direction. I don't always connect the dots right away.

I find I spend more time with God at work than at home. I know that sounds strange but at work I can listen to Praise & worship music through Praise 106.5 or my IPod. I can also find quiet time during lunch & coffee's to read my bible, if I learned anything through the trial the more time I stay focused on God the easier life is to deal with. When I am at home life gets in the way, schedules are so busy God seams to get left to the side except for grace. I so want to break this cycle, I don't like feeling the way I do when God isn't constantly in the picture in my life.

Today I was able to listen  to Praise 106.5 all day as I worked. God used the music to speak to my soul, reminding me of what he told me during the trial of last year. God told me grab on to my hand I won't let you fall, with that came a flood of peace & joy as my focus was back on God & the trust he taught me to have in him.

I had spent the four days I had off on focusing on my Sister & my family, then focusing on the feeling of helplessness creped in & then that was it. I don't know if you have seen the new Chronicles of Narnia movie "The Voyage of the Dawn Treaders" that just came out, there was a scene near the end where they had to be careful that they didn't allow their fears into their thoughts because they would become real. Satin preys on our doubts & fears, if we are not guarding ourselves with the Armor of God, he will use them to way down our spirit and put us into darkness as we fall to our sinful nature. I failed to guard myself by putting on the full Armor of God this last four days and in doing that fell to the devils schemes, but today God grabbed a hold of me & told me he wouldn't let me fall.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Day

Today started off quietly with my son not waking till almost 7 am & he isn't the pushy one, so his Nana slept until I put one of the dogs on her bed at 8 am. She slowly got herself out of bed. I was still struggling with facing the day as I knew now that this Christmas when everyones families would be getting together, mine would not be.

This would be the year where all 15 of us would turn into 6 of us getting together. My family decided that they didn't want the stress of my Dad as he is in his 80's living alone, has lost every ounce of hygiene & the focus of anyone other than himself, we figure he is undiagnosed Autistic. I didn't agree with it but I am only one of many. My brother & his family spent Christmas Eve with her family but choose not to come to our family celebration. My daughter is miles away.

We started unwrapping presents, I didn't do shopping this year as with all the days off work due to illness money was in short supply & I really had lost the drive to buy presents this year. My Mom had given me some of her money to go shopping with but how do you spend someone else's money, knowing full well you would never be able to repay them & then give the gifts from you, to me that would be living a lie.

My Mom did all the shopping this year & bought some wonderful gifts for the kids. My son got to open his & loved every last one of them. My daughter has to wait till she comes home.

You ask where did Jesus Birth come into our day today it didn't as me & my to kids are the only ones that make a big deal about it, most of my extended family are not Christians or Church going people and get grumpy when it is mentioned. My son said grace over our meal at my sisters house & it was extremely uncomfortable for everyone. I Pray for the day that Christs Birthday becomes the center of our whole  families Christmas Day.

I have to say through the kayos of yesterday of Sister having surgery, dialysis, car breaking down and finding out that close friends were dealing with serious medical stuff in their family, that they were just told, God blessed me with an early Christmas Present.

My Nephew from a unchristian family anniciated grace at lunch & then when asked if we were taking him home or would he like to go to the Christmas Eve service with us he choose to come with us to church, He had never in his 16 yrs. step foot into a Church & he loved the service & was amazed at the quantity of people that also attended. I saw light shining in his eyes before the day was out & I hadn't seen him this happy in a long time.

I think I have found this to be a Christmas that was a blue one for me because I witnessed what was disintegrate into what is now.

 I lean my hope on what the Birth of Jesus meant for those who believe.

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Yesterday & Today Christmas Eve

Yesterday I broke down & went with my Mom to help her with my Sister & spent the day doing my favorite thing Shopping, not. I do have to admit though it was nice spending time with my Big Sister, but it is hard listening to the pain she is in it makes you feel so helpless to do anything. I wanted to so take her to the church to have the elders pray over her but I am sure that is way out of what she would allow.

I find the battles I face with family are so complicated because I Love them so and that will never change but because you love someone doesn't mean you love their actions & this is where the struggle begins. I know this struggle all to well as a product of a single parent & watching my children go through the same struggle. You love both your Parents but you don't always like there actions & this tears you up inside because guilt for those feelings take over. Christmas brings up allot of those conflicts as what use to be simple becomes complicated as you try to find what best works for all but inevitably it isn't going to work for everybody. See the Simple is the kids wake up at home with Mom & Dad start the Christmas morning without the stress of if I like Dads presents will it hurt Mom, But if I like Moms presents will it hurt Dad. Where am I spending Christmas this year & with who. I hope you get what I am trying to say, the brokenness of the family continues even after the separation it can't be escaped.

I wake up this morning realizing that it is already Christmas Eve & I am feeling numb as this Christmas isn't what I remember of Christmas. Christmas this year is the first Christmas without my Nana as she passed away in July. She was the glue to hold the family together & loved Christmas nick nacks. We all found ourselves thinking boy Nana would like that as we went through the stores & the realization that she won't be here & all the emotions that come with that. :..o(

I also no that this is our first Christmas without everyone together as it doesn't look like my Dad & possibly my Brothers family won't be spending Christmas with us as family this year. What really makes it difficult but I understand why & it was something she wanted & needed to do, my daughter is spending her first Christmas in 18 yrs away from home & not even close by as she has gone to another Province in Canada to spend it with her Dad this year, so I can tell you the worldly view of Christmas this year, the shopping for presents & the hustle & bustle & baking has died for me this year. I feel really bad for feeling numb this year because my son is still here as his Dad only sent Airfare tickets for his sister & this isn't fare for him, it is his first Christmas with out his Great Grandma & now without his Sister.

I know all of this is not what the meaning of Christmas is, Christmas is the Birthday of God's only son Jesus Christ & this is where I am trying to keep my focus this year amongst all the sadness & lack of funds for Christmas.

Follow this link to the true meaning of Christmas: The Birth of Jesus

 I pray that you unwrap the Gift of light God has given us amongst the Darkness this Christmas in the birth of his only son, Jesus Christ.

I would like to wish you a 
Merry Christmas!! 

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Getting News & later experiencing conflict, not knowing whats right.

Well today was the day I went to the Cardiologist. I drove the hour long drive alone with my IPod cranked listening to my favorite praise/worship songs & Christmas tunes. I was so at peace for what ever the outcome.

I arrived to park in the free parking at the top of a steep hill & at the bottom of that hill was my appointment, no problem I thought & off down the hill I walked to my appointment. I waited for a little bit & then went in.

Dr. asked me if I thought I could do a stress test right now, if you don't know what a stress test is it is a test where you are hitched up to a bunch of wires that read your heart, while you start walking on a tread mill on an incline & as you go it speeds up & this continues until you can't do it anymore, then they get you to lie down as quick as you can and take your vitals.

After the stress test, I went back to the Dr's office next door. The Dr. explained that the hole in my heart will most likely need to be closed eventually but was ok to monitor right now & the reason for all the measuring & Stress test was so they had a base line measurement to compare future tests on. He said it was like flipping a coin on when it will need to be operated on but if I start experiencing, labored breathing reduced ability to do things or more flutters in my chest I am suppose to come back, otherwise I am to make an annual appointment to have an ultrasound & stress test done and my Dr. to monitor me the rest of the year. I praise God for the Good News!

Later tonight I had one of my triggers tripped that allows me to vent every feeling I have oppressed. Yes this is a uh oh moment, a moment where frustration rules & common sense leaves the building. I find my feelings at this point don't line up with the way I know they should & this opens up feelings of guilt, some times hate red for myself & confusion on what I should be feeling.

You see since I went through the trial with my daughter & got connected to my family at church I realized that I could be myself & not be criticized for it or be changed. I finally knew what unconditional love is. I now find myself struggling between the two worlds of my past & the what I know now, I am finding they are fighting for me within my being. I love my Mom & my family, but I know that relationships in my past were dysfunctional, but the programing is still there. I think that this is where I need to get on bended knee & ask God for guidance & strength to face what should be.

Last year when my daughter was going through what she went through my mom was with me when she had to be because we live in the same house & the rest of my family were no where to be found, we were on our own.

My trigger these days seem to be my family because I feel I am only associated with  when I can do something for them, I don't know if you have experienced one sided relationships. The trigger tonight was I have the next four days off work & I had made plans to devote the first two to baking for Christmas with my son to put some normalcy back into this Christmas for him, as his Dad is not sending for him & his sister will be spending Christmas with there Dad as she is already there.

I was told tonight that because my sister got out of hospital tonight that we were taking her to get her wheel chair tomorrow, taking her dog to the beauty parlor & taking her shopping since she hasn't started because she was in hospital. I understand these are needs she has & I should be compassionate and the thing to do would drop everything and help her. She is dieing & this is the right thing to do, but know for some reason I can't get free of the resentment I have towards my family. I think I have been mostly to blame for allowing myself to be put in this position.

Over the years I have always put myself last & would drop everything if asked for help & before I knew it I had lost me & not allowed anybody to know me because I was so busy trying to rescue my family always no matter what. Well now I so tired of being this person anymore that this is coming out on my family. I want to follow Christ but I have built a brick wall of not wanting to disappoint every one in my life I find I put God on the shelf sometimes because I am to busy being the person without a me. I struggle with guilt because all the reasons to help my family are good ones & they have been for years now, but I am so tired of living up to their expectations of who I should be & now that I know I can be excepted for who I truly am I don't want to be that person my family wants anymore. I feel Guilty but I would love to stand on a ladder & scream here I am please get to know who I am, there is a real person here inside that is trying to come out. I love to help people but I don't like feeling used & abused. I don't want to change who I am so I can receive your love.

I am so glad that my Saviour loves me unconditionally & has showed me what that means. I want to spend my life showing those who are like I was not knowing what unconditional love is & I would like to give them mine & introduce them to my Saviour who showed me.

Father help me be free of the resentment that poisons my heart towards my family & help me extend them your forgiveness, grace & unconditional love as I can't do it on my own.  Amen In Jesus Christ name.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Conviction, Prayer, Anointment & Healing

On Sundays bulletin from Church it said:
 Need Prayer??
The Elders are inviting Northview family to come for prayer Tuesday,.............
"Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord." James 5:14

I was thinking on Sunday when I read it I should go, but reality kicked in and I started thinking if I try to go to the church Tuesday night it would mean a confrontation with my Mom. My brain started playing all the scenarios  in my head and some how reasoned I couldn't go but I could send an email instead then all would be well. Every time I turned around I found myself staring at the Church bulletin and the words "Need Prayer??" Then conviction came as the question came into my head " If this was a Dr's or Specialist appointment wouldn't you make time?" I felt that one, so I had decided to go. I think it wasn't just all my Mom I think part was me too, as this is all new to me and I had let fear of the unknown try to stop me, but fear of these things are not of our Lord & Saviour.  You see I have taken my daughter for prayer at the prayer meetings for healing, but this was me and no matter how hard I try it is still difficult to humble myself to ask for help. 

I had arrived at the Church a couple of minutes late with all my nerves in hand. I ended up running into the Pastor of Worship, he pointed me in the direction of the Elders Prayer meeting. Before I could get there I heard the Youth leader from the church that met us repeatedly at the hospital with my daughter call me and the couches in the lobby of the church was the waiting room for prayer. Questions started running through my head, you see secretly I am shy, does this mean I am going in alone with the elders. Fear started sneaking back in. 

My turn came around and one of the elders & I walked down the hallway, that hallway seemed much longer than it is on Sunday. I entered a room full of elders that were standing around, I recognized a couple of faces, but the rest I didn't know. I was asked to sit in a chair & explain why I was there for prayer. I explained that God had convicted me to come and that I would be going for my heart test results tomorrow from a hole they had found in my heart. I explained that I was not afraid for myself my fear was for my children who had already been through so much this last couple of years & what this would do to them. 

You see I had witnessed God use the trial we had gone through to shine light in the lives of those we care about,  if this would be another trial I know that God is in control and at that he would bring me closer to him where I want to be.

I was anointed with oil on my forehead and the elders started praying over me & my family, for peace for my family & for healing for me. I was shaking with nerves the hole time.

I felt such a peace & filling of the Holly Spirit. I sit hear typing and I am realizing that the pains I was feeling in my joints & my lower back is gone, you see I suffer from arthritis & I had reserved myself to the pain it caused as part of life but now it is gone. Praise God!

I go tomorrow to the Cardiologist filled with hope, peace, joy & the Holy Spirit, with the knowledge that no matter what the outcome it is in God's hands to fa-fill his great plan.

May you be able to rest in the security of Our Lord & Saviors hands. 

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Looking in Ward & not always liking what I see. The Back of the Tapestry.

Over this last few days I have been finding myself less tolerant of others miss spoken words & actions, as I see them. Without thought I respond in a stern not so pleasant tone & moments later I ask myself why am I doing this because I don't enjoy it I don't like speaking this way, could God be showing me that no matter how hard I try even without thought I will always fall short of the kingdom & am always in need of his grace & forgiveness. Christmas is less than a week away, what does the word Christmas represent?

Christmas to me means the birth of Jesus Christ, God's only son. A son that was born in a manger. The King of all Kings & Lord of all Lords son born in the most humblest circumstances. A birth more valuable than Gold. Hope was born in the birth of Jesus who laid in a manger. God gave us a path to Salvation & forgiveness, our conscience reminds  us the need for that forgiveness. Without this we would be lost forever in darkness.

I could not imagine a life without hope, how do we strive to make it through another day without hope. I lean on the hope Jesus has given me everyday without it I would not live. I know my life & I are a mess. My life is like the back of a peace of tapestry full of knots & the ends of string where another direction has had to be taken. I made reference the other day on one of the social sites I am part of that I am almost ready to sell the rights to my life story because it would make a great horror flick & I know it will have a great ending.

You ask how can anyone know their life story will have a great ending. I know mine will because I heard the knock at the door from my Saviour Jesus Christ & opened the door. I know that I have been forgiven & that I will have eternal life filled with all the blessings of heaven & that I have the gift of the holy spirit left in my heart to guide me through the ups & downs of this life. Jesus has been my lite during some of the darkest moments in my life, even when I didn't know.

Don't get me wrong this in no way makes me perfect. My Life is far from perfect it is the back of that tapestry that is still being worked on but I know that at the end of my life God will turn over the tapestry to show me the beauty he has created in my life by the finished tapestry which would have not been possible with out the knots of life, and the trimming to go in a different direction.

I still feel pain & hurt but God will not give me more than I can handle & sometimes he trust me more than I trust myself & needs to show me that through him I am stronger than I know or think. Through the Trials my Faith is refined.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Ease Dropping, Waiting & Praying

     Well I went for my TEE (Transesophagal Echocardiogram) test yesterday, just in case you don't know what that is & are curious it is a procedure where they sedate you, an ultrasound tube is passed into the esophagus in order to visualize the heart. They freeze your gag threshold with a spray, that they said is like the spray they use in dentistry.

     I wish my brain had connected the dots because when I go to the dentist the freezing doesn't work the way it is suppose to, I didn't clue in until the sedation had worn out & I was pretending to be asleep because I could here the Dr.'s discussing, I realized that wasn't such a bright thing to do but I will get into that later. While I was ease dropping on their conversation the freezing wore off...oops....I started choking on the tube they had down my throat, the tube is about the diameter of your pinky finger. My gag threshold was unfrozen, not a pretty sight as I have a low gag threshold to start. They ended up finishing quicker than they really wanted to. 

  Well I found out if you are going to ease drop you need to be prepared to hear what they are saying. You don't want to hear the reference to swiss cheese when they are looking at your heart or the discussion of measuring of several spots & the discussion of do you think we could fit this size of something(don't remember the name of the thing they were talking about) to clamp it. Na maybe I shouldn't have been ease dropping. Now I have to wait until next Wednesday to go to the Cardiologist to get the whole picture. 

I know this might sound strange but I am not worried about me as God has given me a peace that transcends understanding. I also know God is in control & if he has brought me to it he will bring me through it. I know I should also have this same feeling for my family, but my worry is for my children & my mom as they deal with all this and you can see & hear the stress in their face & voices. I pray to God to give them the peace that transcends understanding that he has given me & the strength to get through this. 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy & peace as you trust in him, so you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts & your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7

Thursday, December 16, 2010

A Letter For My Children, for when Jesus Invites Me to Our Fathers Mansion, because we never know what the next moment will bring, live life with no regrets .

Dear Teresa & Anthony,

I know you are receiving this letter because Jesus has taken me home to Our Fathers Mansion. I know you are sad right now, but I need you to know that I am telling God how much of a blessing he gave me when he gave me the privilege to raising you both.

Teresa where do I start. You have been a ray of sunshine since you were a baby, you have been covered by many storms that have shaped you and made you to the rainbow you are today. Teresa you are such a caring compassionate person that everyone gravitates to, yes I know you don't always believe it but I know God has great plans for your life so please don't let this take you away from focusing on what great blessings he has for your life. Yes you will be taken out of your comfort zone but that's ok it means he is shaping you into the person you need to be and that is ok. I love you Princess & all you need to do is look up and you will know I am there with you.♥Hugs My Princess♥, it will be Ok!

Anthony, You have been a great teacher. People told me when you were diagnosed that I would grieve what you wouldn't be able to do. You have shown me that they were very wrong. You have taught me far more than I could ever have taught you. You have taught me that Love & Faith can overcome any circumstance. You have grown into such a caring, polite, compassionate, & strong person that can do any thing you put your mind to. You have a Great Faith don't let this take you away from that Faith. You are going to do great things with your life, just remember that you have a reason to work harder but don't have an excuse to quit trying. The world needs what you can teach them & let God guide you when you teach the world. I love you Handsome & all you need to do is look up and you will know I am there with you.♥Hugs My Handsome Man♥, it will be Ok!

I need you both to promise me that you will continue with your devo's, by reading your bible daily. You will try your best to forgive those who have wronged you. You will cont. to look for ways to extend random acts of kindness and most of all don't loose who you are!

I love you both and I will be watching over you from Heaven & I will be waiting at the gate when Jesus calls you home & then be prepared for bear hugs you have never experienced before. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!

Love, Mommy

Monday, December 13, 2010

Trials & Temptation

       I'm back, last week was filled with trials, I was kind of out of commission last week, still not quite sure what was going on with my body. I slept most of the week away as it was the only way to escape the pressure in my head & my chest. I will be going for a Transesophagal Echocardiogram on Thursday, now that was a mouth full. Just in case you don't know what that is & are curious it is a procedure where they sedate you, an ultrasound tube is passed into the esophagus in order to visualize the heart.

        I was asked today what does this mean for the Kenya Missions Trip, as far as I'm concerned is if it is God's plan for me to go nothing will stand in the way. Kenya is still strongly on my heart & mind.

        Today my big sister who has been going to the hospital for dialysis, because her home dialysis has stopped working, took a tumble at the hospital and broke her knee cap in half. My brother-in-law was told by the hospital they were releasing her and he said no, they now plan on releasing her tomorrow and there are allot of things going on reinforcing my lack of trust for our local medical system, do to this I am feeling tempted to judge,not to forgive, come to anger & rage as the feelings of the past come flooding in. I pray for God's strength & Guidance to keep me from being tempted.

Our Father,
hallowed be thy name, 
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive your sins. Mathew 6: 9-15

"Watch & Pray so you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." Mathew 26:41

So if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you may endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:12-13

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Taking Me Past My Comfort Zone & Showing Me

This week past, God brought me past my comfort zone & I'm alive to speak about it. All week after my Son's Birthday I was trying to prepare for my very first public fundraiser ever.

 I was faced with a feeling I had done everything to avoid. You see over the years I learned to play it safe by avoiding the things that would mean facing my fears & anxieties. I had learned to isolate myself so I wouldn't be vulnerable to criticism  & the feeling of letting people down, including letting myself down. I was avoiding getting hurt. I didn't do this overnight it happened gradually with every pain & hurt I had experienced through my life. God knows that this is an area of my life that he is wanting to heal & this means taking me out of my comfort zone and allowing me to be in places where I am vulnerable so I can know that he is with me and with every hurt & pain that I experience he will be right there to pick me up & heal me over & over again.

Leading up to the fundraiser I had faced many obstacles of time & then I was faced with everything going wrong, I had tried to print out a sample of all my Photo's and my printer crashed & I was unable to prepare anything past what I had already had. I now was not just freaking out because I would be out of my comfort zone talking to people I didn't know making myself vulnerable, I was faced with the thought that like everything else I had done in my life I would fail just one more time. I had all the horrible out comes planned in my head. I knew when I got home from work, from painting & cleaning RV's that I would only have 30min. to eat, get cleaned up dressed and load everything into my vehicle so that I could have enough time to set everything up. I was horrified that I would let everyone down by not succeeding on pulling this off.

I should have known that my sinful nature was stepping in the way & I was allowing myself to believe the lies in my head & wasn't leaning on the truth's of the word.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all nations and places I have banished you,"and I will bring you back from the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:11-14

My daughter volunteered to come with me and help me. We were able to get everything set up in time. I was informed by the Women's Pastor that she would be asking me questions up on stage. My heart dropped, me up on stage, me in the most vulnerable place I could be, up in front of an audience. I have done this only twice before and I was so nervous that I spoke a mile a minute how was I going to do it, I knew God was taking me out of my comfort zone & I just needed to trust him. He has brought me so far already.

 I was called up on stage and a peace came over me and the Pastor started asking me the questions and the answers flowed so smoothly, I didn't race through the answers and the words were put together without me stumbling, it was like I was watching someone else speak, I could feel God's presence in that moment.

I went back to where I had everything set up & through the night I could feel my face getting redder & redder . My daughter told me every-time some one complemented me on the photos she could see the redness grow in my face. I know this sounds strange but I didn't feel comfortable taking complements. God was taking me one more time past my comfort zone. God was softening my heart from the pains of the past. I was not feeling  pain or hurt, I was feeling excepted for who I am. For once, I didn't feel like a failure, being who I was didn't matter anymore. God was showing me that through him anything is possible & through his will for my life I will find Hope, Joy, & Purpose for my life. He showed me that with him I was able complete something from start to finish.

May you find the Hope, Joy & Purpose he has for your life and except that he might take you out of your comfort zone to get you there.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

17 yrs Ago Today

17 yrs ago today I was blessed with the birth of my Son. Where did the time go?  
2 days old

I remember being told by a Dr. that I would never be able to have children do to multiple miscarriages & cysts in my ovaries. My Son was the second blessing I was granted, after this. He has grown into such a great young Man that is very caring. God has truly brought my son through it all. He was diagnosed with Autism/ADHD when he was 9, up until then school was such a challenge to the point he was not allowed to attend school & I  was home schooling him until he received his diagnoses. He then was aloud to attend school for 2.5 hrs a day until grade 6 where he finally could attend full time. He then moved onto High school in Grade 9 Where he ended up on the honour roll & then by Grade 11 was excepted on the High School football team. Grade 12 though he made the decision to leave the Football team as it wasn't his career choice and it was inter-fearing with his grade 12 studies. I was so excited that he could make such a mature decision with out any outside influence.

Through the victories you gave, his glory is great; 

   you have bestowed on him splendor and majesty. 

Surely you have granted him unending blessings 
   and made him glad with the joy of your presence. 
For the king trusts in the LORD; 
   through the unfailing love of the Most High 
   he will not be shaken.

Psalm 21:5-7 (NIV)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—  to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.  In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. 

Ephesians 1:3-10 (NIV)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Do We Let Our Eyes Determine What We See?

Today I decided I would where the suite my Nana bought me last Christmas before she past to my Cardiologist appointment, just to see if I would get a different response than I had in the past when I went in my normal jeans & a T-Shirt. I was pleasantly surprised by the Doctor's care & willingness to explain what he was in normal non medical jargon, but I don't think that would have changed if I had dressed differently.

I kept my suite on all day, normally when I go out when I pass someone I say "Hi", usually without response most of the time it is not reciprocated. Today though every time I said "Hi" I received a "Hi" back, the only difference this time was I was dressed up. Do we walk by people and take a glance and without giving it a thought we put a label on the person. I may have been dressed up today but my social status has not changed I still live in poverty. Today though society treated me like a some buddy. I went into stores and the salespeople noticed me they didn't just shrug their shoulders & pass me by, they were bending over backwards to help me. I am the same person who has been in the stores multiple times before with my Mom and had no attention payed to me what so ever.  So I ask, do we let our Eyes determine what we see?

I remember years ago when my sister had enough money to purchase a new car without a loan, she was around 18/19 She went into so many different car dealerships without a sales person giving her the time of day. I do believe that their eyes were determining what they saw. My sister purchased a new sports car and went back to those dealerships and let them know their mistakes.

“Many women do noble things, 
   but you surpass them all.” 
 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; 
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 
 Honor her for all that her hands have done, 
   and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 31:29-31(NIV)

“‘Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly.Leviticus 19: 15(NIV)

The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him—
   the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
   the Spirit of counsel and of might,
   the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the LORD—
 and he will delight in the fear of the LORD.

   He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes,
   or decide by what he hears with his ears;  Isaiah 11:2,3(NIV)

well my eyes are closing, this will be all for now.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Today I was Blessed with Answered Prayer!

Today I enjoyed witnessing answered prayer as my children were baptized this morning, by there Youth Pastor that walked beside us through the trial & helped us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.

I was so praying to God that they would be baptized before my children left to for Christmas break. I know now that they have committed to walk with Jesus and have the holy spirit to guide them when I am not there.

“I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me comes one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. Mathew 3:11

I baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.” Mark 1:8

When all the people were being baptized, Jesus was baptized too. And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” Luke 3:21,22

Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, Luke 4:1

“When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.” Luke 12:11,12

Now Thomas, one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”
   But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”
 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”
 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:24-29

Have you ever heard of the saying don't be a doubting Thomas, this is where that saying came from.

I have witnessed so many answered prayers. I here people say but he didn't answer my prayers could that be because God didn't answer with the answer you were expecting.  God sometimes gives us the answer no because he has the bigger picture. I can describe it as we have one piece of the puzzle and we can't see beyond that peace. God sees the completed puzzle and knows where the things in our life fit and he knows where they don't. 

There has been many times when I have asked for things and the answer has been no, but when I reflect back I'm thankful the answer was no because what is of today would not have been possible if he had said yes.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Connecting to the Worship Songs cont./About me

When listening to the worship songs, since the trial that changed my life & brought me closer to my Saviour, I have connected to them at a much deeper level & now understand.

Everything Falls is a song that I first heard in the middle of the trial & I held onto every word of this song, as my soul was troubled by what we were going through and this song gave me reassurance that this was part of the war being waged & that his arms are faithful and God would hold me together when everything was falling apart apart.

Healing Begins is so real for me as over the years I had built up walls, I thought I was good and was doing everything right and then all the walls in my life came crashing down. I had been afraid if I let the secrets of my past out but God told me it was time to let it go, I was ashamed but when everything started crashing through the healing began.

About me:

I grew up with a father who suffered from a mental illness till my Mom
became a single parent when I was 7

I have been rejected by my earthly father,

I am an abuse survivor,

I am a date rape survivor,

I am a survivor of self-punishment,

I am a poverty survivor,

I am a cancer survivor,

I have been a single parent of almost 18 yrs,

I have raised two children, one who has High Functioning Autism/ ADHD

I have experienced rejection from  system that was in place to protect, as
my daughter went through the over 60 911 calls,

I have been faced with fighting for my daughters soul, when faced with
spiritual warfare that a year before I would have said you were nuts if you
told me any of what I saw with my Mom & son.

I have experienced God dry my tears when I became broken.

I have experienced deliverance from my past.

I have argued with God & lost,

I have experienced a peace that transcends understanding & an unexplainable
Joy, when I became dead to myself & alive in Christ.

The Healing has truly begun & this wouldn't have been possible if it wasn't for the love, forgiveness & grace of my Heavenly Father. He has given me freedom from my shame & fear. He has given my life purpose.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Connecting to the Worship Songs

My connection to the Worship Songs has deepened as I explained in "Worship Songs are Like a Photo Album"

Dead Man (Carry Me) is what I think of when I reflect back on what my life was like before I completely surrendered to God's will for my life. I may have excepted Jesus Christ many years ago but I did not live a life that God wanted for me as I wasn't willing to let go of my old life and surrender my will to God's will for me.

Desert Song is so my prayer! God during the trial that changed my life gave me the verse " In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6,7(NIV) 
God is such a provider in every area of our lives as long as we let him.

Forgiven where do I start with this song...My past plays in my head as the devil likes to use my past to stop me moving forward in the life God has for me, my past is my testimony on how great my God is as he has brought me from who I was to who I am in him now. There are days I don't feel like I fit in and belong & when the devil tells me I don't measure up. I can hold up to the fact I am Forgiven & a treasure in the arms of Christ.

Give Me Your Eyes is a song that I pray through I do not want to become complaisant in my Faith & Love that my Father has shown me. I have worn that mask & I pray that God gives me his Eyes to see behind the mask of those who cross my path & for him to give me the arms for the Broken Hearted that are far beyond my reach. I also pray I never loose the love for humanity.

All songs I have mentioned are in the column below to your left. This is all for now I will cont. as time permits. May your day be filled with God's Blessings, if you don't know God yet please check out "You Can Know God Now" God is there for you & Loves you he is knocking at the door all you need to do is let him in, if you want to open the door all you need to do is say this prayer:

"Jesus, I want to know you. I want you to come into my life. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sin so that I could be fully accepted by you. Only you can give me the power to change and become the person you created me to be. Thank you for forgiving me and giving me eternal life with God. I give my life to you. Please do with it as you wish. Amen."

If you sincerely asked Jesus into your life just now, then he has come into your life as he promised. You have begun a personal relationship with God.
What follows is a lifelong journey of change and growth as you get to know God better through Bible reading, prayer and interaction with other Christians.

Please Check out the Links Above to get connected to the Christian Community to get support in your new walk with Jesus Christ.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanking God for Showing Me

I am so thanking God for showing me that when he asked me to walk on water, it may have been scary to take that first step, that I had nothing to fear.

I have been watching God orchestrate his plan for my life. I stand in awe.

Yesterday, I received an email for Global Aid Network yesterday telling me I could consider myself part of the Kenya Missions Team, all I had to do was mail the registration & the $50. deposit. My feet are barely touching the ground with excitement of what God is going to show & teach me next on this Journey he is taking me on.

I look back now and ask myself why I waited so long to give God the drivers seat in my life and never want to go back into the drivers seat.

May God meet you where you are today and may you hand him the keys to your life.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Worship Songs are Like a Photo Album

I was standing in Church this morning singing Praise & Worship songs today and it was revealed to me that I use to sing these songs like you would look at a friend or families vacation photos, enjoyable & beautiful but there is no real meaning or connection to the photos.

I find now it is much different, it is like I am looking at the photo album of a journey that God has taken me on. Every song has deep meaning & connection. I can now connect an experience I have had with my Heavenly Father through the songs.

"Alive Again" reminds me of the Journey I was on through the trial where I felt reality losing a grip on me as everything I relied on disappeared, when I was surrounded by the darkness & God broke through My deafness allowing me to breath in and out & become alive again.

"Amazing Grace ( My Chains are Gone)" reminds me of how much a wretch I was, how lost I was and how blind I was to the fact I was set free. My God my Saviour ransomed me and in his word my hope secures.

"Attention" brings me back to the memory of the time once we found out what was happening with my daughter and was not a 100% sure that the seizures were over. God had brought me out of all the wars I was waging in my life and brought me to a place of being still, he called me here so I could find my purpose. He had my complete attention.

"Beautiful" brings me to the place where I was so broken and had no more strength and I had totally hearing I wasn't worth anything and wondering if I could ever be loved. I wondered if anyone truly saw my heart would they see to much and leave. Then my Heavenly Father dried my tears, he knew what was in my heart and showed me I was worthy of his love and he created me for a purpose only I can fill. He is showing me that my life is worth so much more than what it was.

"Better Than a Hallelujah" reminds me that God would rather here my honest cries out to him as this is true show of faith when everything is crumbling around you and you can still cry out to him, because anyone can praise him when everything is going good.

"Born again" is so how I feel because I am not who I was 2yrs ago. God brought me to a point I could die to myself, so I could become alive in Christ and be Born Again

"Christmas Shoes" so touches my heart as my sister is dieing and I pray she gets to dance with Jesus.

well it is night for now.

Oh before I go I'm excited to say I have my application Faxed out for a Kenya Missions Trip with Global Aid Network. I have the date for my first fundraiser with the understanding if my application is not excepted the money fund-raised will roll into Northview Community Churches Missions Ministry. I just have to fill out a form for Northviews Short term Missions. Please pray for God's will to be done. Thank you & Goodnight!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

What are We Carrying?

I have had a memory brought to my mind of something I was told along time ago. I do not know if it is in the Bible or if it was just something someone told me.  God asked a man to carry a rock to the top of the mountain. The man started  to make his way up the mountain, along the way he was stop by someone who asked him since you are going up the mountain could you take these rocks of mine up to the top as well, the man said no problem. He continued on his way when another person said I see you are going to the top of the mountain could you take my rocks up to the top of  the mountain, the man said yes. The Man continued up the mountain. he was struggling as the load was very heavy and became difficult to carry. The Man cried out to God I don't think I can make it to the top my load is to heavy. God asks the man what did I ask you to do? I asked you to carry my rock, if you were doing what I asked your load would not be so heavy.

How many times does God ask us to do something and we pick up stuff along the way that makes it impossible to do what God has asked us to do.

I think God has brought this back to my mind as I have been so wanting to walk inline with God that I have found myself picking up stuff along the way that may be very good causes & worth supporting, but it is not what God has asked of me. I have good intentions but I need to learn to say no to my intentions and yes to doing what God has asked me without picking up more along the way that makes it impossible to do what God has asked of me.

 Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands.  In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 1 John 5:1-3

Monday, November 15, 2010

Poverty/Hoarding & Falling on Bended Knee

I had a conversation on Poverty & Hoarding, sometimes when you look from the outside without looking on the inside you could miss the meaning. I believe Hoarding happens in poverty for several reasons.

One reason could have nothing to do with poverty itself it could be because one has never been taught in a way they can purge stuff themselves. I suffered from this as I never knew what was important to keep & what wasn't and would never throw out anything for fear of consequences to parting with things. I can remember going through things to get rid of and my Mom would go through it after and tell me no you don't want to get rid of that oh no you don't want to get rid of that, so consequently I had no clue.

Another reason could be at some point they may have lost everything or come real close and stuff became their security and sometimes if they deal with the stuff & it isn't there they will have to face themselves & their circumstances.

One Hording that someone brought up was very close to home. I was told that they knew someone who was living in poverty but she couldn't believe the amount of food they were hording. I relate to this as if I have extra money I by groceries as I try to fill up a small room we call our pantry & stalk our freezer till there is no more room. I know why when you live in poverty why you would do this. I did this because when my children were small & I hid my poverty in the closet there were several days where we didn't have enough food & I went through the day & night hungry. I never wanted to feel that pain again. I now hoard food when I have money to do it. I have learned this out of survival.

I am realizing more and more what Poverty of being means. Poverty of being is a loss of a sense of security in your surroundings & a feeling of helplessness of know way out. You feel like you are running in circles & can't figure out how to stop.

I sometimes still feel that way. I have all these dreams but I don't know what to do with them I am stuck in that circle. I remembered to day when two of my friends & I from the low cost housing had been going to Coffee connections at Church for a while and one of my friends had someone come along side of them & invite them into their lives. I should have been happy for them, but I felt even more alone, my heart ached to be noticed my heart just wanted to be a somebody who mattered. I wanted someone to be a friend & a mentor to show me the way out of the circle. I still sometimes wonder if I am stuck in that circle.

Today I found myself on bended knee praying to God to reign down on the desire of my heart, for him to Open the doors that needed opened, close the ones tight that needed to be & for him to put a guard rail on the path he wants me to take so I can’t wonder off. By chance was I taking control again & was God waiting for me to fall to my knees in prayer & release that control one more time. You think by now I would learn...not!  I got home from work today to an email from a missions organization that has a Short term Missions trip to Kenya in Sept '11.

As I am typing this my absent minded brain remembers also that I need to speak with one of our Pastors as he is from Kenya & does Missions trips to Kenya. I am finding my greatest challenges are my impulse to go charging forward & my really terrible memory. Father are you sure it's someone with theses challenges that you really want. I know I have already asked this one and you pointed to the people of the bible like Moses, in Exodus.

The Orphans are still on my mind & heart. I cont. to pray for guidance in this area as I want to walk forward but in God's will.

Wait for the LORD; 
   be strong and take heart 
   and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Thinking My Feet Left God's Path for Me.

I woke up this morning realizing I had stepped off the path but not sure how, but soon was to realize.

I was asked how does God speak to me.  God speaks through thoughts that pop into my head & the feelings around the thoughts get stronger as scripture, prayer & people’s actions contribute to that thought. The more I ignore it the peace that God has given starts fading till I finally get off my high horse and except what he is telling or asking me to do and then the peace floods back in. I find sometimes though it takes me longer to get it, God knows how my brain works. I find that I start noticing that the purse strings start getting tightened just like a parent does to a child when they continue to ignore their parents guidance. I find his provision gets noticeably different and it starts to get difficult to make ends meet. I realize this is probably because I am starting to take control back over my life & I start telling God you can have this bit but I know better for this part. I hope that makes sense. Please realize that I might not have this a 100% right as I am still learning & God is still teaching me.

When I woke I realized that yesterday I responded after a day of prayer for discernment for the orphanage. I found out that it is not like conventional orphanage as they rely on Grandmothers, Aunts and those willing to care for the orphans in a family setting in their homes. The Mwanza Orphanage Project began in 2007. They now fundraise to support 56 orphans. They provide their basic needs such as schooling, food, clothing and misc., things that crop up & they can find funds for.

I also contacted a Missionary Organization, the difference was I didn't pray for discernment over this I just jumped in. I have a habit of being like a dumb sheep, I get on a thought & I run to it without thought, but I find my Shepard is pulling me back much quicker now. When I explained what was going on to my children this morning my daughter said "Mom haven't you learned to do one thing at a time so you know what is yeah & what is neah", wisdom of children......She also said "Mom what happens when we commit to something without asking you first & it doesn't fit into the plan you pull the parenting rank and say you didn't ask first so the answer is no!" wisdom of children, I got it. My Heavenly Father wants me to come to him first & ask does this fit into his plan for my life & I need to listen & understand that it isn't for me to understand right now but the answer could be no or it could be me needing to learn. Time to set some time aside to pray about this.

Show me my sins that I'm not aware of. 

      If I've done what is wrong, 
      I won't do it again.' 
  But you refuse to turn away from your sins. 
      So God won't treat you the way you want to be treated. 
   You must decide, ....... I can't do it for you. 
      So tell me what you know. 
Job 34:32-34 (NIR Version)

he tells them what they have done—
   that they have sinned arrogantly.
He makes them listen to correction
   and commands them to repent of their evil.
If they obey and serve him,
   they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity
   and their years in contentment.
Job 36:9-11 (New International Version)

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
   “In repentance and rest is your salvation,
   in quietness and trust is your strength,

Isaiah 30:15

Friday, November 12, 2010

Week full of Downs & Ups

I started this week feeling heavy & heavily burden until I thought there was no reason for this and that this could only be here do to spiritual warfare, so I did what I learned to do through Prayer counseling after last year. You see I didn't totally understand till then that through my Salvation Christ had given me authority over the darkness, as through the Crucifiction & the Rising of Jesus Christ the war had been Won over the darkness.

I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
   and I have been saved from my enemies. Psalm 18:3

I commanded the Demons to return back to the pit of hell where they belonged to not return. In the Name of Jesus Christ. I did this with Confidence & Faith, the Heaviness & Burdens were lifted.

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. Luke 10:19

Tuesday my Work had a bake sale & I found out that I was not the only one who suffered from lack of funds to the point of not even having a dollar for goodies as the land of the working poor grows. I started to think that I can't even fathom what goes through the minds of the people of third world Countries that can't even afford to eat never mind a roof over there heads or the orphans that are left to fend for themselves as there families have died from disease or famine, and the poverty of being that they must be experience that must hold them down. The suffering they must feel, I only pray that they find the hope our Saviour has for them.

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James:26-27

Wednesday my Mom told me that my brothers spine had collapsed & that he has a tumor growing on his face that they think might be Cancerous, I have a saying now, its added to the list, as my prayer list grows.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:5-7

This week has been a challenge of finances as I haven't quite adjusted to the lack of child support, even though it has been since Sept. since my ex decided it wasn't a need anymore. I am finding it difficult to keep up the fuel it takes to get to & from work, the kids commitments & Church. My mom is telling me as I type that we have very little meat as well. I would say wait till payday but today was payday & it was smaller than usual do to my son being assaulted at school & me having to miss work to deal with it. I can only say one thing I put myself in my Heavenly Fathers hands because through his strength & grace I can walk through the deep waters and he will not let me drown.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Mathew 6:25-27

Yesterday was a day to Remember the sacrifices that have been made so that we have the freedom to practice our faith & this would be our first Remembrance Day without my Nana who was a Sargent in the Royal Air Force in WWII Under the Balloons full of ammo to prevent the enemy planes from coming into London. My Nana past away July 20, 2010.

Today my friend emailed me to let me know that her friends orphanage they are building is not in Kenya but it  is in Tanzania one Province under Kenya. I prayed about it today. I also asked for prayer for discernment & guidance, I needed to know if this was the step God wanted me to take. 

God knows I'm easily distracted he took away all the things that would prevent me from listening to him, Facebook was down till last coffee on my phone, I forgot my IPod speakers at home including the headphones.( I had won an IPod at sears when getting a mattress almost 5yrs ago now, I could never justify buying myself one) I had nothing left to take me away from listening to God.

let the wise listen and add to their learning, 
   and let the discerning get guidance— Proverbs 1:5

God spoke to my heart & I now know that if everything falls into place I will be fundraising for the orphanage until God directs me else ware. I pray one day when it is God's timing I will be able to go to the orphanage.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Part 3 & Conclusion of Beginning of the trial that lead up to the Understanding of My Saviour & My Salvation.

During this time we were supported tremendously by our Church family as they came to support us at the hospital, were available to talk at the drop of the hat, they prayed for us & the Youth Pastor even told me to call no matter what time it was day or night if my daughter was about to experience an attack. The Youth Pastor also gave me Freedom Verses, Your Identity in Christ & Who I Am in Christ Statements. He also told me that I didn't need to be a pastor to use the authority in Christ as Christ had also given me his authority. I could declare the Freedom verses & who I am in Christ on my daughters behalf I could also ask who is this who is doing this. I was starting to get a better understanding of my Saviour & what my salvation meant.

My daughter experienced another attack, this time at home. My Mom & son were present when I was doing what the Youth pastor told me & the more I declared them for my daughter the worse it got. We were all stunned when a deep male voice that was not my daughters voice at all told us that she was his and there was nothing that we could do. I told him to leave as he was not welcome & that my daughter belong to Jesus Christ. This would be the last time we heard from the verbal demonic, we would now be back to the normal attacks my daughter would experience except she would still go limp & pass out during prayer but through prayer counseling and learning how to renounce confess & reject the things hat are not of Christ, my daughter became free of the bondage put on her and has been set free in Christ. Through this we learned you need to guard what you allow your mind to see & here so not to give the enemy any openings or strongholds.

My daughters normal attacks by Nov. were now lasting 3 hrs a time & she was going through two a day. She would cycle in & out for 3hrs. we finally were able to get through them with out calling 911 as much at least we would try.
I finally broke one night I was curled up in my bed screaming to God this was the night God would dry my tears in a miraculous way. That night was the night I died to myself & became alive in Christ. This would be the night God showed himself to me.
I started to get a glimpse into my all powerful Saviour & the great forgiveness he had for my sins as over that year I had very little sleep, very little food & very little time to think about what I was saying & doing, this revealed my true self and I hate to say it wasn't pretty. God had revealed all my sins & weaknesses, he also revealed that I survived that year on his strength, not mine. I finally understood  the gift of my Salvation. After that night the answers started to come I found the information on Focal seizures & Status seizures as I was woken up in the middle of the night to God telling me seizures & to take my daughter off all the medications. I found out in the morning that at the time I was finding the info God had put me on the heart of a friend to pray.  I took my daughter off the meds gradually as they needed weaned off of. The Seizures started to be not so long till the point they were completely gone. I ended up finding the kids birth Dr. that I had thought had retired, but found out he was semi retired. He referred my daughter to the Epilepsy Clinic in the big city And they told us what God had already told us it was seizures & over time would be completely gone. My daughter has been seizure free for almost a year now and is back to being her & has acquired a much stronger faith. I know longer live life in fear as I know now that the plan for my life was written before I was formed in my mothers womb & if God would bring us through that year he would bring us through anything. I don't see the world in the same way I use to & things don't stress me out the way they use to I had found my freedom in my salvation.

Your Identity in Christ
if you've already begun a relationship with God, through Jesus Christ, here's some things to know about your identity in Christ!

I have been given spiritual authority-Lk 10:19
I am free from condemnation-Rom 8:1
I have been adopted by God-Rom 8:15
I am a child of promise-Rom 9:8; Gal 3:14
I have received the spirit of God-1 Cor 2:12
I have been given the mind of Christ-1 Cor 2:16
I am a temple of God- 1 Cor 3:16; 6:19
I am reconciled to God- 2 Cor 5:18
I am one spirit with the Lord-1 Cor 6:17
I am a member of Christ body-1 Cor 12:27
I'm redeemed and forgiven-Eph 1:6-8
I am to be righteous & holy like God Eph 4:24
I have direct access to God-Eph 2:18
I am a citizen of heaven-Phil 3:20
I've been rescued from Satan's domain-Col 1:13
I am chosen of God-holy beloved-Col 3:12
I am a child of light, not darkness-1 Thess 5:5
I'm a child of God- He is my Father-1 Jn 3:1,2

Freedom Verses
Matt 16:18
2 Cor. 10:3-5
1 John 3:8
Isa. 54:17
1 John 4:4
James 4:7
Divine Shelter of God
Col 1:13
Ps. 18:2
1 John 5:18
Ps. 91:1
Ps. 121:5-8
1 John 4:18
2 Tim. 1:7 NKJV
Ps. 23:4
Heb 2:14
Heb 2:14-15
Deliverance, Forgiveness & Salvation
Luke 4:17-19
Heb. 7:25
1 John :9
Ps. 32:7
Rom 16:20
Ps.46:10 KJV
1 Peter 5:6-7
Ps. 4:8
Power of the New Covenant
Rev 12:11
Col. 2:13-14
Matt 26:26-28
Zech 9:11-12
Isa. 53:4
Isa. 53:5
Matt 4:24
Acts 16:31
Isa. 49:25
Acts 2:17
John 8:44
1 Cor. 2:15
Eph. 6:10-18

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