This week past, God brought me past my comfort zone & I'm alive to speak about it. All week after my Son's Birthday I was trying to prepare for my very first public fundraiser ever.
I was faced with a feeling I had done everything to avoid. You see over the years I learned to play it safe by avoiding the things that would mean facing my fears & anxieties. I had learned to isolate myself so I wouldn't be vulnerable to criticism & the feeling of letting people down, including letting myself down. I was avoiding getting hurt. I didn't do this overnight it happened gradually with every pain & hurt I had experienced through my life. God knows that this is an area of my life that he is wanting to heal & this means taking me out of my comfort zone and allowing me to be in places where I am vulnerable so I can know that he is with me and with every hurt & pain that I experience he will be right there to pick me up & heal me over & over again.
Leading up to the fundraiser I had faced many obstacles of time & then I was faced with everything going wrong, I had tried to print out a sample of all my Photo's and my printer crashed & I was unable to prepare anything past what I had already had. I now was not just freaking out because I would be out of my comfort zone talking to people I didn't know making myself vulnerable, I was faced with the thought that like everything else I had done in my life I would fail just one more time. I had all the horrible out comes planned in my head. I knew when I got home from work, from painting & cleaning RV's that I would only have 30min. to eat, get cleaned up dressed and load everything into my vehicle so that I could have enough time to set everything up. I was horrified that I would let everyone down by not succeeding on pulling this off.
I should have known that my sinful nature was stepping in the way & I was allowing myself to believe the lies in my head & wasn't leaning on the truth's of the word.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all nations and places I have banished you,"and I will bring you back from the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:11-14
My daughter volunteered to come with me and help me. We were able to get everything set up in time. I was informed by the Women's Pastor that she would be asking me questions up on stage. My heart dropped, me up on stage, me in the most vulnerable place I could be, up in front of an audience. I have done this only twice before and I was so nervous that I spoke a mile a minute how was I going to do it, I knew God was taking me out of my comfort zone & I just needed to trust him. He has brought me so far already.
I was called up on stage and a peace came over me and the Pastor started asking me the questions and the answers flowed so smoothly, I didn't race through the answers and the words were put together without me stumbling, it was like I was watching someone else speak, I could feel God's presence in that moment.
I went back to where I had everything set up & through the night I could feel my face getting redder & redder . My daughter told me every-time some one complemented me on the photos she could see the redness grow in my face. I know this sounds strange but I didn't feel comfortable taking complements. God was taking me one more time past my comfort zone. God was softening my heart from the pains of the past. I was not feeling pain or hurt, I was feeling excepted for who I am. For once, I didn't feel like a failure, being who I was didn't matter anymore. God was showing me that through him anything is possible & through his will for my life I will find Hope, Joy, & Purpose for my life. He showed me that with him I was able complete something from start to finish.
May you find the Hope, Joy & Purpose he has for your life and except that he might take you out of your comfort zone to get you there.
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