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Thursday, September 30, 2010

Well its official I have a heart!

Today I got to go into town for an ultrasound of my heart, they found one so its official I have a heart. Now I get to wait to find out if it is broken.

I stand in amazement of the peace and joy I am still feeling. I remember at a point during the trials of past asking all my Christian friends what they were talking about how can you feel joy when everything is falling apart around you, because I was a Christian and I sure wasn't feeling joy. I know now that was because I may have been Christian but I wasn't at a point of trusting God completely with my life I still needed to be in control. The change I see in myself is in result of falling in love with Jesus Christ. I was broken and he was there to lift me up & take the burdens I was carrying only because I had come to a point of letting go and trusting him. Everything is still falling apart around me but it is different this time, I know the peace and Joy of trusting that everything results in the plan God has for my life and no trial or mistake I go through will stop it from happening.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 1:6

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus......................The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. Galatians 5:5,6

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-25

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Good News & Time to Rest in God's Grace & Peace

Good news I am not suffering from dimension, bad news my body has had enough with the stress and is going into self protect mode and is shutting down ( Hence Heart Attack Strongly suspected, waiting on test results.) I was concerned for a bit as I was blanking out and getting lost in things & places I should know....time to reboot the system and start looking after self by resting in God's Grace & Peace. Time to stop worrying even though I didn't think I was, I guess denial isn't a great thing. I am finding you can think you have dealt with things that are stress causing but your brain almost locks them away so you don't have to deal with them until your body starts to object and show physical signs. 

     While I was driving to the Dr.'s today out of the blue I flashed back to one of the emerge visits we experienced  on Sept 14 '09 before we received the answers to what my daughter was going through. I saw  and heard saw the Dr. take me to a room to talk and told me not to bring her to emerge because there is nothing they can do, I told him when she goes through these I have to call 911 and then the ambulance comes and they need to bring her hear at request of police so the Dr. told me I was not to call 911. I had never felt so alone and abandoned than I had in that moment, by a system that I though was there to help. I found myself having to call 911 again and was faced with the question "Police, Fire, or Ambulance?" I froze for a moment and the 911 operator asked again. I had to tell her I don't know as the hospital told me not to call them or come to the hospital and I had no other place to turn. I remember this like it was yesterday. We have found out since that what she was going through was do to a medication they had put her on in March '09 She was experiencing Focal Seizures that started within the first two weeks of taking the medication, by the time I weaned her off the medication myself in Nov '09 at the refusal of the Dr.'s doing it she was up to 2 three hour Status Seizures a day. She is back to her old self much stronger & more confidant than she was before this started. Praise God for his deliverance!

I am finding this has turned into a strong hold that I pray for deliverance from. I pray for all those involved in the nightmare because they know not what they have done. May Our Heavenly Father shower them with Grace & Wisdom.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Mathew 6:27

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Mathew 6:34

"to give his people the knowledge of salvation
      through the forgiveness of their sins," Luke 1:77

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:37-38

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Mathew 7:1-3

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Time to Revisit 1 Peter 1:6,7

Yesterday I was not doing so well health wise, I dropped off my heart monitor & today I went to see my Dr. to follow up on what has been happening since the Thursday I was taken to emerge from work. Still not sure what is going on, there is a possibility that the heart issues I was having were a side effect of what is possibly going on in my brain or there is two things going on at the same time. Tomorrow I go back to the Dr.'s for more tests & then on Thursday I am off into town for more heart tests. I amazingly even though I am frustrated with myself I feel great peace knowing that God is in control and all will be to his plan. 

"a faith and knowledge resting on the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time," Titus 1:2

The LORD gives strength to his people;
       the LORD blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11

You will keep in perfect peace
       him whose mind is steadfast,
       because he trusts in you.  Trust in the LORD forever,
       for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal. Isaiah 26:3,4

LORD, you establish peace for us;
       all that we have accomplished you have done for us. Isaiah 26: 12

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Knot on a Tug a War Rope

I'm quite feeling like that knot on the tug a war rope with my love for Christ on one side. I have such a desire to go where he takes me and do what he asks of me, on one side & the expectations of the world to conform to the expectations of society & family on the other. I pray for the strength & peace to free me to follow Christ without being pulled back. I have a desire to submerse myself in the word and get to know Christ more than I do now. There is a fire burning in my soul for Christ. I want to rest in my Heavenly Fathers arms.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Time, Money & Overtime

I am realizing that what I valued a year ago and what is important have changed. I use to focus and how much money I could make & how much overtime can I get. I find myself going hey wait a minute am I watching life pass me buy as I focus on getting money to live. Why not live well we can. No matter how hard you try to fill your schedule with ways to make money life will not wait for you. Thats like saying I will have kids when I save enough. What will be enough, if we wait to afford to live we will never live. God has promised Mathew 6:25-34. After working a week of overtime, I miss the time for my relationships with God & my family. I know God will get me through all the demands on my life, Financial or other wise. I find myself not being able to get my mind off of how I can extend my Fathers hand of love. I pray that my father gives me a way to serve the needs of his children with the Glory & thanks be to God. God has rekindled the fire in my soul to want to do everything I can to make the day brighter for those in need. Where once I thought they were only dreams and impossible to do I know now that through faith nothing is impossible. I know there will be trials, suffering, & possible death, but I am not affraid as God has had my life written before I was formed in the womb. Well  my eyes are closing and will need to leave it for tonight. May you know the Heavenly Father who loves you & knows you by name.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

I'm back!

I have had a few very busy days. My work has been getting ready for he Snow Bird RV Show and this week was set up and the show. Wednesday we all put in either 14 hr shifts or some of us even longer, then back at 7am to finish before the doors opened at 10 am and then back to the shop we went. I have determined the days of past when I could double shift it 7 days a week is so over. I have been finding it very draining, I am looking forward somewhat to next Thursday my first day off since last weekend. I say somewhat because I need to go into town for more heart tests. Monday is coming and I finally get to take the heart monitor off Yeah!!!

I picked up my daughter Thursday night so she could complete the next step in the application process to the University and tonight I took her back home. I am so tired but I know I will press on as I have hope in the plan my Heavenly Father has promised me.

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. Hebrews 10:35,36 NIV

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12 NIV

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Plans unfolding.

I had a wonderful visit with a friend I haven't seen in ages. I feel blessed that God brought her into my life. We had along over due talk. While we were talking she told me about a couple she knows who were fund-raising to build an orphanage in Kenya, as she said this I could see Gods plan unfolding, could this be where God is calling me to. My heart said yes!! I know if it is God's plan like everything else it will fall into place.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

Monday, September 20, 2010

Praising God

        My Big Sister lost the function of her Kidneys a couple of years ago and has been on Dialysis for the couple of years but last week she started having complications and she went for surgery this morning it was a waiting game not knowing as she also has a bad heart. I asked as many people I could at work to lift her up in prayer & asked my friends on Facebook to pray for her.
        You see I am so scared for my Sister because she had turned her back on God & I don't know that she is saved and that terrifies me. I don't think I would be so terrified but when we went through the Trials a door was opened to Spiritual warfare & my family got to experience stuff that opened the door to knowledge of what is waiting for those who have not excepted Jesus Christ & acknowledged their sin & I was never so freaked out over what I witnessed.
         I love my Sister & it terrifies me that as she is facing the end of her life that when that day comes there is no turning back if she doesn't ask Jesus Christ into her heart. She knows she doesn't have long, but none of us can guarantee when our last day or our last moment of choice is it could be years away or it could be any moment. Will you make the right choice & will it be in time? I Praise God that she made it through her surgery and has a little more time for God to call her home to his arms. God doesn't promise that we will not experience trials but he gives us hope in his promise of Salvation through his son Jesus Christ.
         If you want to know God now Check out the Link at the top right of this page. I pray you except the Gift God has given you through his Son, because the alternative is horrific.

Didn't Feel Like a Weekend

The weekend flue by far to fast. I went to work on Sat for a voluntary work day & made it to first coffee about two hours into the day. I just couldn't focus, my mind was on my Sister and how much she is suffering and that I don't believe she has asked Jesus Christ into her life & her time is running out to open the door to her salvation. :.o.(.  I couldn't get my mind off Family Maintenance Enforcement wanting paper work back to 2002 for proof of My ex & My Son's Behavioral supports, I wonder & question if my ex is getting grilled as much as I am as his income is way more than it was when the order was made. I never pushed that issue because my priority is Our kids & constantly taking each other back and forth to court would cause undue stress on Our Children. I have to admit I am a sinner & I have had many sinful thoughts towards my Ex, but I pray Our Lord Jesus Christ will get me through & maybe come up with a way I could pay back every ounce of Child support my ex gave me because I don't need this stress right now and the kids are far more important than my ex's money. Ok, that was my little vent moments, they come up every once and a while.  Well I asked my Boss if it was alright for me to take off under the circumstances because I needed some me time to clear my head. The funny part is I should have listened when my body decided to turn the signal on to go to Church Parking lot on Sat. the day I have been talking about. I ended up taking me time and started driving east as far as I could in the time I had and as usual Praise 106.5 had the music that spoke into my heart with what I was thinking about. I found myself at Coast Mountain Dairy & they were open. What better pick me up & as I pulled in the driveway the song came on "It's more like fallen in love"  by Jason Gray. God was reminding me of how far he had brought our relationship. I started feeling better after that.

Sunday service was bang on and speaking to my heart as Our Pastor spoke about a missionary who was a house cleaner that while standing in front of the mirror knew at that moment God wanted her to go to China & how that developed and I had my Son sitting next to me nudging me with that look he's talking to you again. The Pastor also mentioned about the road blocks that she overcame and I heard God speak to my heart that no matter the barriers even if you end up going on your own I am calling you to Kenya. I think it is kinda neat because by now the whole idea would have fizzled, but God is holding me tight and removing any doubts before they become doubt. I think today's sermon gets posted on Tuesday @ the Northview messages link.
I do have a barrier to over come because I have a bunch of Photo Art Framed & I need to get past the fear to be able to approach people about selling the Photo art I have to rest that it is in God's timing not mine.

Well eyes are starting to get heavy time to say Good night all!

Friday, September 17, 2010


I know what scripture instructs us to love our enemies, not to be anxious about everything & slow to speak. I so fail at this, every time I think I'm ok to do this and I always find myself struggling. I find myself struggling with anger, resentment & fear, no matter what I try I fall.

I went to work this morning with the intent that I wouldn't wine & I would hold it together, I failed miserably. I found myself sharing my anger & assumptions towards my ex-husband with my Coworkers and my pain of knowing my sister is dieing. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop myself. My Mom told me at lunch break that my Sister was a lot worse today. I had to leave the lunch room and went back to where I was working outside and broke down in tears, I thought I was out of sight, no my wonderful caring Boss found me & we talked, I felt a bit better at least better enough to stop crying.

I know that I should trust God in everything and should not feel anxious, but I feel like I am drowning in trials & keep falling into my sinful nature. I see the sin, I know the sin but I can't stop sinning. Father I Praise you for your love and patients you have for me. Father not through my strength can I be delivered from this sin only through you & the death of your son Jesus Christ.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillippians 4:7

He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me."  But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today. Deuteronomy 8:16-18

I would love to finish but my eyes have become heavy, till the next time....

Thursday, September 16, 2010

A Day Filled with Ups & Downs

I started my day excited that I had put together a design for a branch of my work. I got to the point of having an opportunity to share with the owner and I froze in fear, a fear of rejection. I have not seem to have gotten past my Dad screaming at nurses when I was seven that he didn't know me & screamed for them to get rid of me. I know this is the root of the fear because it only rears its ugly head when I am confronted with a male authority figure & I get flash backs.

"Heavenly Father I renounce these feelings, I confess these feelings to you, I reject these feelings as the are not from you." In Jesus Christ Name Amen.

I was blessed by a friend that pushed me all the way into the owners office, I Praise God for putting her in my life. The Owner wanted one of my shirts to show the division it represents. Praise God. I was really Excited.
I was bursting at the seams to tell my Mom & my Kids.

I came home to the plumber fixing our pipe that has been leaking since before Christmas, the bill is in the mail. My Sister laying in the chair yellow as can be, the Dr. told her she was having complications from her dialysis, She isn't allowed to move around. She is in constant discomfort & pain. I sat next to her feeling helpless, so I prayed & asked my friends for prayer. My Sister's Husband came to pick her up, but we needed to get her car home so my Brother-in-Law told me he would drive her car and I could drive his Smart Car...wow...he trusted me to drive his baby. I'm not so sure I liked the accelerator on those Smart Cars. He drove me back & picked up my Sister, she could barely move, off they went home.

I sat down to my mail uh oh found two letters from FMEP, well my gut was right because my ex lives in Alberta they won't be enforcing my child support any more because my one Child is 18 & I couldn't afford a notary to sign the papers they want and want me to produce a written letter from a therapist or Dr. stating I spent the money appropriately for my child's services since 2002. I have determined that I really don't need this stress right now and I don't feel if their Dad can't do the honorable thing with out being forced that let it be, because he to will have to face our Heavenly Father. I know that God supplies our needs and even though we will loose his support I know I can trust my Heavenly Father to hold it all together. I have never fought to up my support because the kids come first and the money is not worth more than they are.

Father I lay my life at the foot of the cross, please help me keep it there.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Hebrews 5:7

" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Mark 9:23

"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." Mark 14:36

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Mathew 5:10

But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Mathew5:44

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Romans 12:14

This is the Day the Lord has made & I'm loving it!!

I loved the day I printed out a contact sheet of samples of T-Shirt designs and realized that God blessed me with over 49 designs with multiple possibilities. I took a sample to work and received a multitude of positive feedback on the T-Shirts....Yeah!!  I received some really positive news today at work that I could see God's hand in as I prayed. I came home to a wonderful dinner my Mom prepared...Yumm....I sat down and designed a T-Shirt for work and it worked and was reminded again of:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

All things are possible through Faith in our Heavenly Father.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Well first day with halter monitor.

Well I have determined that this heart monitor is going to drive me bonkers for the next two weeks as it kept on trying to fall off at work & strangled me as I was awaken repeatedly to it wrapped tightly around my neck. I have to praise God though because it is amazing how far the technology has come with the monitors.

I am in the process of looking for a place I could have the T-Shirts printed professionally, so they can be part of the fund raising my way to Kenya. I have never been so sure of anything in my life as I am that God has blessed me in what I am seeing happen that can only be from him to fulfill his plan he has for the life he has for me.

I know God has something big happening as I see so many peoples lives transformed in their walk with Jesus Christ & the Holy Spirit right now. People are being moved out of their comfort zones and are growing in their relationship.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled
faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

John answered them all, "I baptize you with water. But one more powerful than I will come, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire. Luke 3:16

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. John 14:26

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:5

Monday, September 13, 2010

A Day Full of Accomplishments

Wow to day was a day to check off a lot of stuff I could only do on a day booked off of work. Since I had to miss work to get wired up with a halter monitor, that monitors my heart when I push a button if I experience the flutters I was having in my heart, I have to wear for two weeks. I honestly don't think I am going to have any more issues as I feel that after many people praying for me and a feeling of renewing & healing from our Heavenly Father that I am not going to experience another. I also was able to get the respite paper work done with my child's worker, My other child signed up for University & the hopefully straightening around from the bump that through her off track. Payed back some of what I owed from last year, got a head light for my vehicle and had a wonderful neighbor help me put it in. Yes I admit I can't change a light bulb.... I was able to talk to a wonderful lady God brought into our lives to help us heal. As you can see, I had a filled day that ended with taking my daughter back to her home. I Praise God for my day!

I pray:

I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own;
       it is not for man to direct his steps.  Correct me, LORD, but only with justice—
       not in your anger,
       lest you reduce me to nothing.
(Jeremiah 10:22-24) Amen.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Well I guess I should have boasted that I was managing to post on here everyday because as soon as I said that I was unable to post yesterday. Yesterday was a busy day. I was able to work an extra shift at work and then mom needed to go out for some things. I am glad my mom needed to go out it gave me the ability to get some fabric iron on transfers that I could print my photo art on. I don't know why I am constantly being surprised by God's blessings in my life, every time I don't think it can get any better he gives me another blessing.
Here is some of the T-Shirts that I have already done:  
I know now that blessings come in many different forms and sometimes you don't recognize the blessings right away. I know now that yes I wouldn't want to repeat the trials of past but I do understand that I experienced blessings then & I am experiencing now would not have the same meaning & value if I had not had the experiences of the suffering in the trials because the trust & faith I have for our Heavenly Father would be no where near where it is now. I enjoyed today's service at church, it was on :
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:31-39

I go forward with confidence that God's plans for my life will go forward & understand that there will still be many trials as my Father shapes me & we live in a fallen world.

Friday, September 10, 2010

A Joyful day!

Today was a great day full of energy, feeling like my old self. Praise God! I have to say thank you for every ones prayers!

I was thinking today of what I was passionate about when I was a child & how that passion has come alive in my heart again. My want to help underprivileged children. All I could think about today was when both my children were independent from me with their own lives, how there wouldn't be anything holding me from following God to serve his children. I have never had an attachment to things, my ties to the worldly view of how things need to be has been for the wants & needs of the people around me and the need not to let them down. I have changed over this last couple of years as the trials of past have put my heart in a place of not wanting to let my Heavenly Father down. I want to be with him & not leave his side, nothing else matters. I am finding the worldly things are getting in the way of my relationship with him. I reflect back on the time my daughter was better & I started dealing with the trauma I was dealing with from present & past. I found myself spending a day a week at church serving & if I wasn't serving I had my nose in my bible, I felt such closest with my Heavenly Father. I am finding as time goes on my life is getting so busy that I am starving to get the time back I spent with God. All I can think about is my need to go out into the world and share the love & joy he has shown me, all I want to do is serve where he wants me to serve and rely on him for my needs. He has shown me that I can trust him in everything & the Joy that comes from knowing he loves me beyond my understanding.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Mathew 6:25-34

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Getting disernment

I get so excited in the moments that sometimes I jump in feet first. God is trying to pull back the reigns. I know now that if it is God's will for my life I will be in Kenya in time, I believe. My heart is drawing me to Missions. I have never had attachment to things, my heart cries out for the suffering in this world. Father thank you for the work you are doing in my life, let your will be done in my life. Slam doors shut that need shut and draw my eyes to the open doors. In Jesus Christ Name Amen.

Verse God keeps bringing me back too:
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. James 4:13-17

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Feeling the clipping of my wings

Praise God for making it through the day & two full days of work in a row.  I though felt my wings get clipped as I was working on a job that I am not confident at & a coworker came up and said something and I was so use to the negative comments from my coworker that I assumed I was about to receive another one so I thought I would be smart and cut it off at the pass and told them you better not be going to make fun of me and I was kind of snarky. I temporarily forgot the saying I learned last year  about Ass-u-me. My coworker was just going to ask how I was doing it because they liked what they saw. I apologized. I felt so bad. 

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, James 1:19 NIV

Oh Father in heaven forgive me!

I have been hearing all over the news about a Pastor in Florida going to burn a Qur'an, this saddens me as it states in the Bible:
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Mathew 7:1-5 NIV

"Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Father please deliver us & Lord Jesus if we ever needed you its now, come Lord Jesus, come. In Jesus Christ name Amen.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Rainbow

I got up & off to work this morning. 1/4 of the way I started feeling pains & started praying " God please help me make it through the day & take away the pain or if it is your will & plan(reluctantly)" as I finished I saw the end of a rainbow land in a field next to me.

I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Genesis 9:13

A peace came over me as I drove, as I rested on my fathers promise.

I made it through the day with no major heart issuse.

My son gave us a scare as Nana thought he was one place and when we waited for him we found out he wasn't there, My heart dropped as I didn't know where he was. I ran to the school to see if he was at football & I ran into him half way, he was coming from football practice. Kids, if they only knew what fright thew give us some times. Praise God he was Ok.

Verse God brought me to:
You saw with your own eyes the great trials, the miraculous signs and wonders, the mighty hand and outstretched arm, with which the LORD your God brought you out. The LORD your God will do the same to all the peoples you now fear. Deuteronomy 7:19

I can relate to this verse as I have experienced what this verse states. I pray that all those I fear from the trial will be saved by the mighty hand & out stretched arm which the Lord my God brought me. In Jesus Christ Name Amen.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Visiting my Baby Girl & spending Quality time with the family.

Well today was the day to go out with my daughter, son, and mom. Before we could leave to pick up my daughter we needed to organize my daughters care package or you could say everything but the kitchen sink...lol...are plans were to get up to her between 10-11am but got up to her around 1pm. She was so surprised when we showed up with her small kitchen's worth of appliances and lots of food she was humbled & very grateful. We took her shopping for a a few things we didn't have & took her for lunch & took her back home to say good bye. I Praise God for the beautiful daughter who has turned into a beautiful adult from the inside out. I Praise God for the want of my daughter to try to follow God's will for her life.

My son is also getting ready for his last year of High School, His Football team last Friday didn't allow the other team to score. I praise God for giving my son a place to belong that he enjoys. My son is growing into a wonderful handsome young man who has come a long way. I Praise God for helping him become who he is & what he has been able to accomplish.

The verse God has brought me to tonight:
Peter said to him, "We have left all we had to follow you!"  "I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life." Luke 18:28-30

Today I had some moments but they didn't last and I wasn't as tired after, I praise God for this. I have sent out a quarry to get accountability, discernment & guidance from the Church in regards to Kenya, as I feel this is where God is leading me.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Noticing the transformation God is doing in my Heart.

My son and I went to church this morning. While we were singing the worship songs this morning I realized something had changed. I use to go through the motions and sing the songs but I really didn't connect to what they were saying at least not the way I connect to them now. I have experienced what we are singing about and want more than ever before what we are singing about. I started thinking about it and it is the same way with the songs I listen to on Praise 106.5, I get lost in the praise of the music now.  I liked today at Church they created a documentary called "Outside the Walls" what I got from the message is that the walls we come to on Sundays house the Church and imagine if all the Churches went outside the walls into the surrounding community & do as we are commanded to love & share the Good news of the Gospel. Imagine the amount of people that are inside the walls being charitable & serving to their community as the stated today what a change it would be to the community. Think about it how many people attend Church services, now take those people outside the walls into the community, wow!

The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:31
If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered. Proverbs 21:13
A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor. Proverbs 22:29
Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." Proverbs 31:9
But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, Luke 14:13

Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.Romans 12:13

 Father give us your eyes to see the needs of our community,  give your hands to reach out, give us your ears to listen, give us your lips to speak your truth, give us your feet to go out and bring your children home. Transform us Father from the inside out to do your will & praise you through all we do & face. In Jesus Christ Name Amen.

Tired but Confident

  Today I was feeling not so good as I was feeling some off moments today & the worse part about it is after all is finished my eye lids feel waited down and it takes a lot to keep awake. I will stay focused on Jesus Christ as I know he has plans for me and that all will be to his plan & his glory. I was asking myself  & God how I was going to proceed on the plan he has for me and I knew that I needed to be in community, but did not know how to approach the Church & God brought me to what to say & what to ask, off went the email.

I went out with my Mom & my Son to get last minute clothing needs for school & to put somethings together for a care package for my daughter. My daughter has found out that some dinners she would needs to fend for herself & some breakfasts were to late from the time she started working & needed to eat before working so time to make her a mini kitchen.

I sit here looking at God's plan for me transforming my life. I am just as confident today that it is God's plan for me to go to Kenya, there is still such peace behind it. I feel like I am getting an opportunity to spend some quality time with our Heavenly Father. I pray that I never loose sight of Jesus Christ & the path he wants me to take. Well its time to say Good night!

Jesus Loves Me

Jesus loves me - this I know,
For the Bible tells me so,
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
The Bible tells me so.
Jesus loves me, he who died,
Heaven's gate to open wide.
He will wash away my sin;
Let his little child come in.
Jesus loves me, loves me still,
Though I'm very weak and ill.
From his shining throne on high,
Comes to watch me where I lie.
Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way
Then his little child will take
Up to heaven for his dear sake.
  • 1860 poem by Anna Bartlett Warner, set to music in 1862 with added chorus by William Batchelder Bradbury. This is the original version; rewritten versions are common.

"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
If I should live for other days,
I pray the Lord to guide my ways."

Friday, September 3, 2010

Standing in awe once again!

Woke up this morning with the intention of going to work, it became apparent real quick that this wasn't going to happen, I argued with myself back & forth. I do this a lot if you can tell. I know I shouldn't worry about thing as God's plan is his plan & nothing will stand in the way, but I still fall back into the worldly thinking. I kept going back and forth, How can this be happening I need to force myself to work, I just came back from an 8 month leave of absence I can't afford to let my work down by going down again, yes it is beat myself up time. On the other side, I am having heart issues how can I justify putting my life in jeopardy, because there is more than me at stake hear and how can I be so selfish. I love my work, but I love my Children more. I decided to trust my heavenly father and what ever the outcome it all is in his hands & its his plan that reigns.

I stayed home and later this morning I received a call from the hospital to come in for a stress test & see the Heart Specialist early this afternoon, I would have missed this if I had gone to work. I passed the Stress test but the specialist wants me to go for an ultrasound of my heart to see if there is anything and wants me to wear an event monitor for two weeks to record the flutters in my heart I have been experiencing. I was talking with the technician who was doing the test and she remembered my daughter and once again thanks to God was able to give a testimony to what happened with my daughter, I can so see God working in all of this.

I decided to take all the pictures my heavenly father blessed me and put them into a power point tonight and once again I am in awe as I am not even an 1/8 of the way through and I am up to 350 pictures, I am just sitting in awe...

"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will," Ephesians1:11

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Prayer answered through Trial, cont from yesterdays post.

Today started out very scary! Just before first coffee at work today I started feeling my heart fluttering & I started feeling very dizzy. I was faced with what my Dr. had told me earlier to seek medical care right away & my phobia of our local hospital after a year full of trauma and trust being broken. I avoided it yesterday, but today the feeling I had in me created fear. My boss convinced me to go to the hospital because it was a question of what I want and what I need. I walked into the Hospital telling them I have a phobia and when asked I explained why. Seven hours later and I have to go for a bunch of heart tests. I have to thank the staff at the local hospital for their care & there attempt to remove my fear. I have to thank God for giving me the opportunity to educate the staff I came in contact with about what transpired last year. I read my last post before typing this and realized that this was answered prayer that couldn't have happened if I hadn't needed to go to Emerge. Praise God for today & everyday! It is easy to walk in faith when all goes right, it is a testimony to faith when trials come and you stay walking in faith.

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:14-21

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Counting my Blessings & learning

I sit and reflect on my day. My day started off with putting a couple more pictures in frames, getting wonderful advice from coworkers about where I could take them to fund raise my way to Kenya. My day at work ended on a positive note. I drove by my youngist's football practice and felt so much joy knowing he was part of a team.  I was able to talk to my oldest after her first day at her first job and was glad to here she loves her new job and is settling in nicely.  I received my new book from Insight for Living called Insight's New Testament Handbook, it looks really good We also received a progress report with a New picture of our Sponsored Child and She is growing so much. I feel very blessed.

The Verses I was brought to today:

"Do not conform any longer to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is~his good, pleasing & perfect will." Romans 12:2

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.  Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. On the contrary:
   "If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
      if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
   In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."Romans12:9-21

Father thank you for your forgiveness & your strength as I do everything through your strength & will. Father I know I still need work on this as I still at points can't think about last year when it comes up with out disobeying what you command us to do, I know that I can't do this of my own strength and I ask you Father to help me in this area and remove the bondage, fear and control it still has over me. In Jesus Christ Name Amen!

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