**********Please Scroll down to view Prayers, Sermon Links, Song Links, Poetry & Questions Meant to be Thought Provoking.**********

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Reading about Poverty/the connection.

 I was given the book "WHEN How to Alleviate Poverty HELPING Without Hurting the Poor  HURTS ...and Yourself" by Steve Corbet & Brian Fikkert by the Womens Pastor at my church. I found myself reading the section on "Who are the Poor?" & "When Helping Hurts" I found myself reading about my life.

 You say "Her life?" You see I found myself almost 18yrs ago one day go from a Wife & Mother to a Single Mom of a 4 month old & a 19 month. I felt like such a failure & it was awhile before I could face my family as a failure in marriage & almost everything else in my life. I found myself on welfare living in low cost housing. I wasn't only living in poverty as most people think of being money, I was experiencing poverty in being as the book states.

I found myself struggling for basic needs as in the beginning child support wasn't reliable. You say but you were on welfare that should have supplied your needs. What some people realize is sporadic child support was worse than none as your next welfare check was based on the income of last month and this would mean if you received support the one month your welfare check would be less the next month & if the child support didn't show when your check was less you would have to survive on less until the following month.

I use to hope that someone would invite us out to dinner so that was one less meal I had to figure out how to afford. I use to live at Pizza Hut one day a week, it was all you could eat & the kids ate free until they were three  so they could eat their fill so they were full & felt like they were being treated, if they only knew. I had to be careful when I went grocery shopping. I always felt guilty as Pasta became a staple because it was cheap & filled the tummy. I spent many meals telling the kids mom isn't eating because I wasn't really hungry right now, I couldn't tell them that we didn't have enough food.

Thanks giving & Christmas would come around & we would be blessed with food hampers & presents. I was so happy the kids would have presents & food, I was thankful for the help. I found myself though feeling more & more like a failure as it was my responsibility to provide for my children & I couldn't. I can still remember the feelings that would go through my head every time I stood in the welfare line & the food bank line, I felt more & more like a failure. I had lost my dignity & my sense of ever being able to change my circumstances.

I wasn't looking for a handout I was looking for someone to say there is hope, life can & will get better. You aren't a loser & a failure. I love you unconditionally! I needed a Saviour!

I felt like this until I found myself exhausted with two children that slept at opposite times, the kids were about 3 & 4, when someone invited me to a coffee connections at a local church. I was hesitant until they mentioned free daycare. Time to re coop & be me for even a couple of hours a week.

I had no clue where this would lead.

Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.” Mark 12:43-44

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
   for the rights of all who are destitute. Proverbs 31:8

To be continued.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Answered Prayer.

I was sitting earlier when my Mom started looking at option of places for her to live, my Mom is finally coming to acceptance that God is calling me to the Missions field. One more step closer. Now time to pray for my children's complete independence & for their eyes to stay fixed on Jesus.

 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12 NIV

And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. John 1:6 NIV

Although he was a son (Jesus), he learned obedience from what he suffered  Hebrews 5:8 NIV

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Had the worse nightmare!!

Last night I had the most Horrific nightmare. I kept dreaming over & over again that my sister had past away, my sister has complete Kidney failure & a Heart condition on top of her diabetes so this nightmare hit home. Her passing away in my dream was horrific but what came next was worse, I had a demonic presence tell me it was to late she was his & there was nothing I could do about it. Every time I closed my eyes the film strip would play over & over again. I woke up thinking could this be a reality as my sister is approaching the end of her life without asking Jesus Christ into her heart. Before last year this wouldn't have effected me the way it is now. Last year my family & I witnessed Spiritual warfare last year in away that you only hear about, you don't experience. We found ourselves fighting it with Scripture. I didn't know back then what I know now that a Pastor is not the only one that has the power of the Holly Spirit to declare victory over the darkness and we can command it back to where it belongs to not return from the pit of hell. When you face the darkness put on the Armour of God, put it on daily. Renounce Confess & Reject all thing that are not from God. Guard your mind. I over heard a police officer during a conference on protecting your teens about allowing them a little because all the other kids do it is like saying it is ok to ingest a little rat poison each day and believing it will do no harm. Everything including the smallest things you have in your enviroment have an impact on shaping you & determine whether the door becomes open for the enemy to come in.

"I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not fit to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire. Mathew 3:11

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you;.......Acts 1:8

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. Ephesians 6:10,11

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.Ephesians 6:12-18

In the paths of the wicked lie thorns and snares,
       but he who guards his soul stays far from them. Proverbs 22:5

Well my eyes have become heavy as sleep is calling me, till the next time.......

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Finding the Next Step

Over this last week & a bit I have come to realize the next step I am needing to take as I try to walk in obedience. I need to get connected to allow people comfortable enough to help. I have two avenues I am waiting on to see if they are where God wants me to go or if they are closed doors & if there is another path God wants me on. I know God is calling me to Kenya, I need to wait on him.

I know I am needing to be patient, this is hard for me as I am a person needing to move forward constantly. I guess this is another lesson I need to learn.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14(NIV)

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;.......Psalm 37:7(NIV)

God has blessed me with over 446 photographs & photo art.I have Framed Photos & photo art to a total of 18, He has given me the ability to create note cards from them all. I am looking into creating a Calendar & printing them onto mugs. I just need to be patient & wait for the connection, oh I hope I can wait. I am so excited to be on this Journey.

but I gave them this command: Obey me, and I will be your God and you will be my people. Walk in all the ways I command you, that it may go well with you. But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubborn inclinations of their evil hearts. They went backward and not forward. Jeremiah 7:23-24

Father I praise you for the Journey you are taking me on & the the gifts you have given me. Father free me from my stubborn ways, help me be strong against the evil desires of my heart. Help me follow your commands, listen & pay attention to your will for my life. In Jesus Christ name Amen.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Brought to a Flood of Emotion at Church Today

I was so blessed today my daughter came to the church service with me today this doesn't normally happen as she volunteers for kidstown & the nursery. I am usually blessed with my son's presence but this weekend he was gone on a youth retreat. During the worship music this morning we sang the Desert Song (link listed in column to your left) and as we sang it and the words resonated deep with in me and a connection was made through the verse & promise God gave me through the trials that transformed my life. I found myself shaking with a multitude of emotions & tears swelled up in my eyes as these are my Prayers and God a comforter & deliverer I will bring praise through all.

We looked at Exodus 7:10-11:10 it is about the plagues brought on Pharaoh & Egypt to Declare that God was the one and only God. While the Pastor was discussing the purposes of the plagues over God coming in Dreams, Burning bushes and how that these other ways wouldn't have had the impact on their faith as much as the plagues. I started thinking that if we had not experienced the trials that brought us through experiences that brought us to great brokenness, dependence on God & that only God could have brought his hand down onto in a great way to deliver us. We would not have the faith  & transformation that we have experienced now. I now don't just say God is in control of all things great & small, I can now testify to it as I have witnessed things & experienced things that no one could give any other explanation except God. I can stand in confidence that my Heavenly Father has every thing under control & even when all else fails. My God is still there caring for my family & me. Gods plan will reign through all things. The Song " No Matter What" by Kerri Roberts explains what I mean ( link listed in column to left)

God is asking me to step out of the boat & trust him. Jesus will put out his arm to save me in times of my own weakness. I have seen if I let Go & let God I can sit back & wait for him to tell me when he wants me to move all I have to do is trust him. God's timing is perfect. I still sometimes am reminded that sometimes my steps have to be through Gods strength as sometimes I can't find the strength to step no matter how much I want too.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1Peter 5:6,7

Come," he said.
   Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
 31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Matthew 14:29-31

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Under Attack & the Past meeting the Present

I guess I am on the right track as I feel I am under attack. I didn't clue into it in the beginning but I am starting to put the pieces together now. I am finding that when I am reading my Bible my eyes become so heavy that they are impossible to keep open no matter what time of the day it is. I have gone to Church & a Pastorate to have the same problem of my eyes getting heavy. Once I walk away from my bible I am fine.  I am realizing that now God has calmed down my busy schedule and have had time to rest in the Lord our God that the enemy is trying new tactics one being unexplained sleepiness, the other bringing up old stuff. Through the old stuff I am learning what I am needing is God's help getting through & his deliverance. 

I was surprised by my own reaction yesterday when a Gentleman put his hand on the middle of my shoulder blades as we talked, I know it was a friendly sign of care while we talked, but the past came back to my soul in a flash. I tensed up in fear a very unwarranted feeling but it reminded me how much of a grip my past had on me and how much I need my Heavenly Father to cont. to work on healing my heart, mind & giving me cont. deliverance from my past.

I went through a very abusive relationship when I lived with a man. I sometimes here people say why do these women stay in these abusive relationships why don't they just leave. I can tell you from my experience there are stages in abuse. The 1st stage I call the romancing stage where they make you feel like you are on top of the world and how could anyone love you more. Stage 2 is where they start to isolate you from the ones you love by telling them & you lies that create a rift between you and them that leads to separation & isolation. The abuser will reassure you that they will always love you and you can depend on them.  Stage 3 is where they work on breaking your self esteem so that you don't feel you are worth anything apart from them & no one else would love you look even your family left you, this is where the emotional abuse comes in. Stage 4 is where they have already turned everyone against you including yourself and this is where the physical abuse starts and guilt that you did something to deserve it and they apologizes after with the excuse it was because you did this but they will be baring gifts and the cycle begins. 

I was blessed by God to open my eyes. My live in boyfriend had told me if I ever started smoking he would leave me and in my warped sense of thinking, I thought this was my chance to get out so I started smoking, this was just before it got physical, my boyfriend caught me smoking and instead of leaving me I got the backside of his hand up the side of my face, made for a nasty bruise. I thought of my father in that instance & how my mom had gone through the cycle before me & at this point God gave me the strength to leave even though back then I didn't realize that when I had abandoned God that he had not abandoned me. 

"Because of the oppression of the weak 
       and the groaning of the needy, 
       I will now arise," says the LORD. 
       "I will protect them from those who malign them." Psalm 12:5

May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
       may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. Psalm 20:1

You are my hiding place;
       you will protect me from trouble
       and surround me with songs of deliverance.
 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
       I will counsel you and watch over you. Psalm 32:7,8

Friday, October 15, 2010

Standing in the way.

   I was thinking today as a parent do I stand in the way of what God has planned for my children. Do my children know that it is ok with me for them to follow God where ever he leads them. Have I let them know that I trust God with their lives or do my actions speak louder than the words and give them the impression I don't Trust God with their lives.

    I think God is opening my eyes to how we as people sometimes unintentionally are the ones to stand in the way of the plans God has for the ones we love. Do we love them enough to let them go, do we trust God enough to let them go.

But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them." Numbers 20:11-13(NIV)

Those who know your name will trust in you,
       for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10(NIV)

O LORD Almighty,
       blessed is the man who trusts in you. Psalm 84:12

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Trusting God in the Details

God has filled me with his mercy & grace.  I have been reminded of God's gift of forgiveness and how by not excepting it ( through Guilt & Shame) we are rejecting God's gift.

Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 2:38 (NIV)

All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receivesforgiveness of sins through his name." Acts 10:43(NIV)

I realized today the quietness I have been experiencing with God right now is because he is waiting on me to make the next step in faith. I have been reluctant to make the next step in fear of how my mom would react. I trust God but then I act the exact opposite by not trusting him in the details. He said:

 "No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you." Joshua 1:5 (NIV) 

I was given a possibility of a place to fund raise with my Photo Art. I told my mom that I had this possibility of fundraising for my missions trip to Kenya and she didn't scream or yell and was quite excepting. I realize the barrier is my own, no one else's, it is my fear of being rejected and letting others down. God please give me the wisdom & strength to overcome this barrier. In Jesus Christ name Amen!

I am excited to letting go of my life to walk in the life my father has for me. I was asked today when & what were the circumstances behind the beginning of Peace & Joy in my life even through the trials that cont. to come. I started feeling peace the night my God dried my tears and this is also when the healing began. The Joy came when I died to myself and started excepting God's will for my life (Kenya Missions). I never thought this feeling of Peace & Joy was possible but now I know because I am living with it inside of me. I Praise God for what he is doing with my life, may the glory be to God our Father..

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Shame & Sin & Blessings through a Father to the Fatherless

      After giving into an addiction of past and telling God as I was doing it that I knew it was wrong but I couldn't stop. I have felt such great shame. I felt like Adam & Eve hiding from God after they had eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I had knowledge of what I had done and my heart & soul became very heavy. I asked my father for forgiveness & deliverance. I realize now that as I re right my testimony with the truth I know now that it is opening the door to the past & spiritual warfare and it is opening my eye to my sinful nature that is still part of me and is the reason why my Saviour died for me. Please father I am sorry I know I have fallen again and I do not want to be separated from you I want to feel the peace and joy back in my soul. Amen.

     I went away this weekend to a retreat for families with special needs children. They were speaking on belonging. I ended up having to run home Sat. morning and missed the speaker. My children & I found ourselves not feeling like we belonged. We found ourselves alone for most of the weekend in an atmosphere you really couldn't explain. We did have a couple of meals with a couple who the first meal made us feel like we were under attach as they attached our reasons for being there & through telling them how our Church had supported us over the trials found my church being attacked. We were asked if were volunteering and when my daughter said no her brother had a special need they gave the attitude of what could he have. You see when my son was 9 he was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism/ADHD combined type and God has brought him so far because now unless you were around him for a long period of time you wouldn't know, it was not always this way. He wasn't aloud to attend full time school until grade 6 and by the grace of God he was on the honour roll by grade 9 and excepted on the High school football team by grade 11 & choose to quit the football team as it would interfere in him Graduating & he intends to Graduate this year and go to University next year. He didn't get all the expensive therapies because they were out of my ability to afford. 
     I remember after admitting I was a sinner , asking for forgiveness and believing in Jesus Christ dieing on the cross and rising again, someone told me God was the father to the fatherless and I knew how it felt to grow up without a father and I didn't want the same for my children, so I prayed to God to please help me parent my children because I couldn't do it alone and he has been with me every step of the way. He has put so many people in my children's path to help support them and the majority of them were Christians. 
      He blessed us when we moved into this house with great neighbors and the feeling of a old time neighborhood He blessed us with neighbors who's daughter worked with my son and was defiantly a God sent as she was able to get him to do the the things that didn't come naturally to him & her brother became his respite worker giving my son the opportunity to connect with someone who wasn't a girl, as my son kept telling everyone that even the dog is female. God has also blessed us by surrounding my children with strong healthy couples to show them the hope there is for them in a relationship if they trust in God to guide their steps.

    I have to keep telling myself that I can trust the Love of my Heavenly Father as his love for me is unconditional and that he loved us so much that he gave his only son to be crucified for our sins. Sometimes I find it difficult by no fault of God but through my dysfunctional relationships that have related love with pain & hurt.

The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11 (NIV)

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 (NIV)

“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” JOHN 3:16(NIV)

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38,39 (NIV)

Thursday, October 7, 2010

A Fathers Guidance

I came to the realization today that like an earthly parent is approached by their child telling them that they are going to go do something without asking first and the Parent saying hold on a minute I have other plans for you. I am that child I get so excited to do things and I forget to approach my Heavenly Father before I jump right in and make plans. I know now when I make plans and I try with all my might to follow through with them and barriers are put up every direction, that I forgot the most important thing to ask my Father if this is part of his will for my life.

I have had good intentions to do things and help out and they have fallen flat as I faced barriers to completing them or even starting them. I end up letting people down and this becomes a stronghold as the guilt & feeling of how could I do this. I have to learn to pray first & let go of the things that are out of my control.

Tonight I was faced with a stronghold of past and even though I knew it was of sin, I found myself to weak to turn from it. Please help me through prayer of deliverance from this strong hold and for God to be my Strength in my weakness.

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3:22-24

Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. Philippians 1:19 

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

A Day of Strangeness & Gifts.

Woke up this morning to a morning that seemed like time was in fast forward as the time to get ready disappeared, it might have been because God has asked me to re write my testimony with the knowledge he has given me now and I started it this morning. I manged to get to work on time. First coffee came along and I had a chance to pick up my bible. Just before lunch I was cleaning an RV when I experienced something I had never experienced before. My soul became very heavy and I was over whelmed by this feeling of crying of many who were suffering. I was brought to my knees to pray for those suffering. I have never experienced this before. Lunch came and my heart cont. to be heavy and I felt the need to ask for prayer on this matter, by coffee the feeling had lifted. While reading my Bible I came across:

 By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I, Paul, who am "timid" when face to face with you, but "bold" when away! I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world.For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:1-5

Boy can I relate with Paul, I who am timid face to face with you, but bold when away(love computers).

Today I revisited my spiritual Gifts through the test in the Links and Wow how far God has brought me over the 1 & 1/2 years. The top 3 gifts my father has given me are Faith, Help/Serving/Ministering, & Mercy. Our Father in Heaven, thank you for the gifts you have given me through the suffering. Guide me to use them for your will & glory. Father I want to follow you where ever you want me to go & do what ever you want me to do. What do I have to fear when I have the knowledge that your plan for me was formed before I was formed in my mothers womb & who will stand in the way of you. In Jesus Christ Precious Name Amen.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Went to a new Pastorate by God's lead & a pull from the Holy Spirit.

God lead me to a new Pastorate* tonight through a referral from the Church, I quickly realized where God was taking me. He was taking me to a group of wonderful God driven people who happened to be the great group of people that adopted my family for Christmas as we were at a point God was leading me to a place of trusting him with every aspect of my life. My family was so blessed, if it wasn't for this part of the body of Christ there would have been nothing under the tree. I also soon realized God had plans for this night as the conversation on Exodus 4. I had this need to argue with God about the point the Holy Spirit was leading me to share my testimony with the Pastorate & 2 Corinthians 1:3-11....way past my comfort zone it is one thing to share on the computer but now God is leading me to speak without a computer screen  in front of me. I guess you could say these must be the baby steps I asked for as he takes me out of my comfort. I am finding that my will is weakening because the arguing with God is getting shorter. I feel God is leading me into Ministry & into telling the world of the Hope & Love he has for them through the Testimony he has given me.
*A small group of believers ( 15-30 People) that get together to discuss scripture, after breaking bread together

I was reading at breaks today, 2 Corinthians 4:1-18; 

     Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness,"made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
 It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Father I Praise you for all the Joy & suffering you have given me & for helping me find myself in you. Father I pray that you shine your light in the darkness of the people of this world...let your will be done. In Jesus Christ Precious name Amen!

Monday, October 4, 2010

God using Radio & Scripture to Convict & Correct

I had Joined the conversation on Praise 106.5, the question was "tell us about the coolest or most unique 'Perk' of your job??" I said "I get to play in Rv's all day including the Class A's/ Dream/CRANK PRAISE 106.5" I was listening later to Jim saying most comments were connections & the relationships or something along those lines. I had this thought come to my mind that I guess I have been taking for granted the connection I have to the people at my work. Thank you God for showing me where I need to improve because I never want to take the people I care about for granted.

I found today I was in constant conversation with my Savior and in constant prayer for those around me as God placed them on my heart. I was glad today was a day I could spend in the word, I was able to read through 2 Corinthians during my 2 coffee breaks & my lunch and one more time I felt God correcting me as I read

 "Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you? You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
 Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 2 Corinthians 3:1-6

I had asked on Facebook for my friends to email me their testimonies of what they witnessed as God has transformed. I realize now that this was wrong. I Praise you God for being such a loving father to correct me when I need it and giving me time to be close to you through scripture & prayer.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Praising God for the suffering, comfort, wisdom & taking us past our comfort.

        During this Journey I have experienced suffering, comfort, peace joy and defiantly being taken out of my comfort zone. Today I have been showered in wisdom. Today at Church we went through Exodus 4:1-17 talk about getting wisdom. When my Saviour asked me to come follow him I gave him every excuse under the sun. I was using everyone else as an excuse and truthfully it was me. I was afraid my family & friends would think I had finally lost it. When God got me past that point, I went through it couldn't be me you want I'm as single Mom of almost 18 yrs of two who yes are at the point they are becoming their own persons but how could I leave them. So I talked to the kids as I tried to use them as an excuse, they were having none of it. They told me it was obvious that God was calling me to do it and they wouldn't stand in the way and anyways this was the point in their lives they needed to step out and find out who they were apart from family. Wow!!  I also have only worked in fast food and now detailing I'm a nobody, why would he want me to do this, I don't know how to talk to people, I'm clumsy with my words and am scared of rejection. God sent many people my way who I thought were so much better at this than I and much more confident. God gave me favor in those peoples testimonies that they were no different than I they to were afraid and they did it through obedience of God's will & strength not their own. I was given wisdom through that, I need to just focus on my Saviour and he will do the rest. Tonight I was listening to a live simulcast and the only part I really heard in the kaos of my house was the verse below.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered ............... We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.   2 Corinthians 1:3-11

I was almost brought to tears and had the need to read it to my family as this put into words what we couldn't. After our suffering and the favor of answered prayer of many. On Christ we have learned to lay our Hope.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Stirred Up Soul, Scripture & Tunes

I was awoken this morning at 6:30 am with a Stirred up Soul. I feel like God is like the father coaxing his child to jump off the high dive and he is waiting for me to jump reassuring me he won't let me drown, while the person next to me keeps telling me all the fearful things that can happen & why would I leave them up there by themselves, they are afraid of me jumping. I keep running to the edge and then I get pulled back. My heart just wants to Jump. I was able this morning to spend a couple of hours this morning before the house woke up so I spent it listening to tunes, reading scripture & posting to Facebook. I started out the trials looking to get peace by venting on Facebook & by the end of those trials I found my place of peace was with my nose in my Bible, my head lowered in prayer, spending time at Church every moment I could. I found that when one part of the body of Christ is suffering much like our body the rest will step in to support that part and we all at some point will face trials of many kinds. Some people these day's say I don't need to go to Church to be a Christian and Yes your right & I was one of those people, but we need to come to Church for fellowship so that the body can work together the way God intended it to.

The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.
 Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
 The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. 1 Corinthians 12:12-27

Friday, October 1, 2010

Changing Season's can the previous season not want to let go?

I can feel the changing of Seasons as things are changing & so am I.  I have this uncontrollable hunger growing in side me, a hunger to follow my Saviour and spread the Good news he has for the people of this world. I have witnessed answered prayer, I have witnessed miracles happen. I have felt my Saviour's unconditional love & compassion he has for those who have heard him knock & have opened the door & let him in. 

I have faced what is holding me back and that is the love I have for my Mother & the need not to hurt her. I am finding this is difficult as I do not feel free to tell her what is welling up inside of me because any time I try she doesn't want to listen to it, she gets defensive and fears what this means for her. I am torn because I want to follow my Saviour. I want to walk when he walks, I want to stop when he stops I want to serve where he serves I want to love when he loves....I want to follow him....I want to shout from the roof tops and tell everyone I have  felt him dry my tears, I have had him take me out of the darkness into the light. He took my brokenness and is healing me and he will do the same for you....just open the door!! I here the words that would have came out of my mouth the beginning of last year & that would have been boy she is thumping, I finally understand the passion to share as once you have witnessed what I did last year it changes you, you realize how real this is and how important it is for the ones you love & care for to see that this is real and how we really don't know when the choice will be gone and it will be to late......

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. Revelations 3:20

Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:4,5

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure. Psalm 71:14,15

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

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