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Sunday, October 10, 2010

Shame & Sin & Blessings through a Father to the Fatherless

      After giving into an addiction of past and telling God as I was doing it that I knew it was wrong but I couldn't stop. I have felt such great shame. I felt like Adam & Eve hiding from God after they had eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I had knowledge of what I had done and my heart & soul became very heavy. I asked my father for forgiveness & deliverance. I realize now that as I re right my testimony with the truth I know now that it is opening the door to the past & spiritual warfare and it is opening my eye to my sinful nature that is still part of me and is the reason why my Saviour died for me. Please father I am sorry I know I have fallen again and I do not want to be separated from you I want to feel the peace and joy back in my soul. Amen.

     I went away this weekend to a retreat for families with special needs children. They were speaking on belonging. I ended up having to run home Sat. morning and missed the speaker. My children & I found ourselves not feeling like we belonged. We found ourselves alone for most of the weekend in an atmosphere you really couldn't explain. We did have a couple of meals with a couple who the first meal made us feel like we were under attach as they attached our reasons for being there & through telling them how our Church had supported us over the trials found my church being attacked. We were asked if were volunteering and when my daughter said no her brother had a special need they gave the attitude of what could he have. You see when my son was 9 he was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism/ADHD combined type and God has brought him so far because now unless you were around him for a long period of time you wouldn't know, it was not always this way. He wasn't aloud to attend full time school until grade 6 and by the grace of God he was on the honour roll by grade 9 and excepted on the High school football team by grade 11 & choose to quit the football team as it would interfere in him Graduating & he intends to Graduate this year and go to University next year. He didn't get all the expensive therapies because they were out of my ability to afford. 
     I remember after admitting I was a sinner , asking for forgiveness and believing in Jesus Christ dieing on the cross and rising again, someone told me God was the father to the fatherless and I knew how it felt to grow up without a father and I didn't want the same for my children, so I prayed to God to please help me parent my children because I couldn't do it alone and he has been with me every step of the way. He has put so many people in my children's path to help support them and the majority of them were Christians. 
      He blessed us when we moved into this house with great neighbors and the feeling of a old time neighborhood He blessed us with neighbors who's daughter worked with my son and was defiantly a God sent as she was able to get him to do the the things that didn't come naturally to him & her brother became his respite worker giving my son the opportunity to connect with someone who wasn't a girl, as my son kept telling everyone that even the dog is female. God has also blessed us by surrounding my children with strong healthy couples to show them the hope there is for them in a relationship if they trust in God to guide their steps.

    I have to keep telling myself that I can trust the Love of my Heavenly Father as his love for me is unconditional and that he loved us so much that he gave his only son to be crucified for our sins. Sometimes I find it difficult by no fault of God but through my dysfunctional relationships that have related love with pain & hurt.

The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11 (NIV)

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 (NIV)

“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” JOHN 3:16(NIV)

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38,39 (NIV)

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