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Sunday, November 17, 2013

Nov 17, 2013

Dear Father,

Thank you Father for your love and for the wisdom and knowledge that no matter what you are sovereign over all things and that you go before me as I walk this journey!!

Father I met with my dear friend after you gave me that vision and even though I had been thinking about the meaning of the vision and was ok what I thought the possibilities it could mean. I was set back by my friend putting it into words that maybe you were telling me that you were telling me that you would be calling me home to glory. I verbally rejected what she was saying, even though my heart was entertaining the idea.

Father every where I turned after the vision you gave me, spoke on the point of visions and those who received visions in scripture and discernment on visions, through scripture and the body of Christ. I knew that the vision was from you without a doubt, as we even discussed it in theology class the first class after the vision.

Father this last few weeks have been challenging with Work Safe and the injury to my arm. I ended up leaving work for a couple of weeks, because my arm was in massive pain, I scratched up the side of our mini van after loosing the power in my arm and taking it along the cement pillar in our underground parking( thanking you that it wasn't on the street corner, where it could have been a pedestrian!)  and I couldn't finish a day of work without being in so much pain that I wasn't sleeping. I received a call from my case manager that told me I went back to work or they would cut me off, that is the summarized version as the full version left me broken and in tears and not feeling so good. I was thankful because as I got off the phone I was headed to the Dr.'s and he agreed that I couldn't do it and gave me the option to see what EI could do for me. I had also left a message for one of the Pastors at the Church for advice. I would also have coffee with a dear friend that evening and it was suggested that I just go to work and sit there. I was fighting depressive thoughts and gave into the fear of loosing my job, my support from Work Safe, my ability to keep a roof over my son and mothers head. I would return to work the next morning and no I can't just sit there it is not in my nature to be paid to do nothing. Father why do I keep leaving my security in you for this need for the false security of this world?

I don't drive anymore, because after what I did with the mini van I feel it would be completely irresponsible and selfish to get behind the wheel. I would have to figure out some other way to work. I had no money for the bus, as I waited for my Work Safe cheque, so I would need to walk to work and did the 6.7 km. I was blessed with some wonderful sisters in Christ who blessed me with rides, so I only had to walk there once and home twice. I was able to get a bus pass on Sunday to last me the rest of the month. First day on the bus I left at what I thought was the rigt time but I would get to work at just after 6 am and I didn't start work till 8 am, so I would wait outside the gate until some one arrived and was blessed with a beautiful sunrise over the mountains.

I would be back to work for a few weeks and received a couple of cheques for work safe when I would received a letter blaming me for an over payment that they had made to me for over $630. I really didn't know as it was enough just to make it through each moment of each day. I would now have to pay them back, I have no idea where the money went as all we did was pay bills  and buy groceries and there was nothing left, but I would need to pay them back. Father I am leaving this one in your hands, as it seems impossible for me, but nothing is impossible for you!

I went for my CT scan that the Urologist sent me for and this last week when I was going to the Dr. to try to find a balance between pain and sleep, my Dr. had the results. The CT scan showed that my Kidneys were fine, but I have a Hernia, they also spotted a mass on my ovaries and my bladder had multiple, I think he said Pollups( don't quote me on the last one, as I was lost after the first two).

My brain went strait to the talk about the mass on my ovaries, because I have survived Cervical Cancer, that went from precancerous to stage 5 in 3 months, when I was blessed with the surgeon removing it all. I had been asked by the Urologist if I had received Chemo and I hadn't back when I had it in 1999.

I strangely though even with all this news had great peace as my brain went back to the vision and the knowledge that in all this you are still sovereign and going before me and I take great comfort in this.

Father I don't ask for healing, as I do not want to ask for something that would possibly take me from the plan you have for my life, if I have learned anything over the last several years since you met me in the brokenness that I want to walk the path you have set for me, I no longer want to be in control and I am no afraid, as long as my eyes are fixed on Jesus. You have given me such peace and comfort in this. Father can you please flood my family with this same comfort and peace to walk this journey.

Father I also lift up several friends and loved ones of those I know who are battling cancer. Father walk with them in this Father fill them with your Holy Spirit and if they don't know you open their eyes to see you. Father if it is in your will please give them a miraculous healing.

Father I also lift up little Brayan and his family up to you. Please give little Brayan boldness and deliver him from his fears. I also ask that you open his parents eyes to you and give them a conversion of the heart to see what it means to have a relationship with you.

Father I lift my mom, my son and my daughter up to you Father, I place them in your hands, please take care of them and guide them on the path to righteousness and eternity with you!

Father I continue to come to you and ask you to continue to consume me, break me and transform me so all that is left is you!

In Jesus Name Amen.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Sunday, Oct 20, 2013.

Dear Father,

Thank you Father for everything! Thank you for the breath I take that tells me I am alive by your Grace. Thank you for the good things that bring me such joy and the trials that remind me how much I need you!!

Father Thank you for the wonderful visit with my baby girl over the Thanksgiving weekend, as it had been over a year and a half since I had seen her, she is so grown now!
My Family

I was sad to see her leave, as I know it is going to be a long time before I get to see her again, but I know she is safely in your arms.

Thank you Father for the opportunity my son will have going to culinary school as he has been approved for his student loan and just waits for the payment to go through, so he can start. Father I pray for your provision of a ride for him, as I no longer can drive and there is no buses he can take that early.

Thank you Father for the vision you gave me on Tuesday morning, as I was getting up from my morning prayers. I am not sure I understand what the mean quite yet, but I am sure there is a purpose. 

I saw in the vision a large white open work gate that opened in the middle. I saw two people opening it but my eyes focused in on the man on the right, he was facing me as he pushed his side of the gate back. He was average height  and build. He had short curly dirty blond hair. He had the very peaceful, loving and comforting presence about him, then very crystal clear vision was gone and then was replaced by a white background that had a circle forming from the top and down both sides, in black and as they met at the bottom they went into the center of the circle and formed an odd shape and then the visions were over.

Thank you Father for the opportunity at the pastorate to share how my relationship with you started. I felt bad though after I shared, as it felt like I had put a few on the defensive, as I know my Testimony is very dramatic, but it is what it is, how could I look at what you have done and minimize it? I know my testimony is not the norm and I remember when I first asked you into my life and heard all these dramtic testimonies, I questioned whether I truly was saved or not?  I know though that every testimony is of great importance bigger or small because they are your Testimonies and you have a purpose for everyone of them. I think though sometimes the bigger the testimony, because we were harder nuts to crack. I know I had to ask for the cast iron frying pan version, because even though I asked you in I still didn't get it.

Thank you Father for giving me instruction, when I didn't know which way to go. My initial reaction when attacked verbally by the WCB Worker was to fight like I had to many times before and stand my ground and not let them away with anything. While I was on the bus Wednesday when I was thinking of all the things I needed to do to fight for what I thought was right, You brought me to scripture, as you laid it on my heart and mind, Mathew 26: 50-52 I heard the Holy Spirit speak this truth to me into my circumstances. I knew what I needed to do! I knew what the world would expect me to do and it was not what you were calling me to. You told me to put my sword back in its place. I was not to fight I was to be still and know you are God and let what was to happen, happen. You were and are in control.

Thank you for showing me Father how far you have brought me, as you have truly removed fear from it's control in my life. I was outside on the road side waiting  for my ride to Theology Class, it was still pitch black out, as it was 5:30 am. I was approached by a Young man wearing dark clothes. He told me that he was going to join me and then told me he was a police officer, so I stayed standing facing the street. He then asked me to face him, so ok I did. He started talking into the mic/radio under his shirt to the other officers discussing what was happening. I knew Father you had changed me so much, as I never experienced an once of fear, where I would have in the past been running all the bad outcomes in my head, but no this time I was filled with great peace.

Thank you Father for the Urologist I was sent to as he chiseled away some of the hard shell that had formed to protect me from  the experiences of trust issues with the medical community. I had been sent to him do to some bleeding that lasted a week, much like a women's monthly but I am fixed. He informed me that he would be sending me for some tests to screen me for Bladder and Kidney Cancer, as I have had cancer down in that area before and had it removed without going through Chemo. 

Father how come the more I want to distance myself from the medical community, the more I am thrown in their care???

 Saturday morning came around and as I was waking up I had a vision of the earlier circle drawing in my head being overlaid on top of the sample of what your inside looks like and it was an exact match. I still was not sure what this meant, except it was like when You had directed my son in 2009 to pick up the bible in the beginning and read Psalm 23, it was like you are preparing the path for what is to come.

Father I have to take this time to lift up the many of this world who are facing some very large mountains in their lives that they are having to climb, like cancer, Father insure them that they do not walk it alone. Comfort their families and them Father and if it is your will Father create a miraculous healing in their lives.

Father I ask you to fill me with your continued strength and wisdom as you cont. to consume me, break me and transform me, so all that is left is you. I give you my life as a living sacrifice to do with what ever pleases and glorifies you!! 

In Jesus Name Amen.

Monday, October 7, 2013

A Week Full of Ups, Down's and God

Well this week has been so full of ups, downs, emotions and most of all God's presence, that was so felt.  I just sit in awe when I think of where I began and how far he has brought me.

 I came to him broken into many pieces and he carefully and lovingly picked up every broken piece and placed them in his hands. He has taken those pieces and started to put them back together, one at a time. I am starting to see me for the first time, as he restores me. He has not left any small piece undone. He has been showing me some of those small details this week and has brought me to reflection.

I had been off work for a couple of week's because of my arm as the pain had become intense, to the point of nausea, and my left arm was starting to feel the strain, as it is not yet strong enough to take all that my right could do. I had called Work Safe BC and left several messages. I was trying to ask them if I could get Physio to help me to cont. on my light duties until we figured out the next step. I heard nothing from them.

I received a call, as I was stepping out of the shower, that my Mom said was important. I had asked my Mom to ask them if I could call them  back, but she shoved me the phone. I answered it, it was Work Safe BC. I soon would be treated aggressively well being intimidated and threatened that if I did not return to work tomorrow, last Wednesday, they would be no longer be in the position to cover my wage loss. I was given the impression from the worker that he was accusing me of scamming.

I had already been fighting the lies of depression that were running through my thoughts, like nobody believes me because it isn't a visible injury. I started to break down on the phone and that would only grow. I was begging God to just take me home I didn't want to have to face another battle in my life. I didn't have the strength....

I was faced with the reality that some how I would have to get to work without driving, as that was no longer an option and as far as I knew there was no close bus stop. Would I find myself walking?

I had Pastorate that night, but I really didn't feel I would be good company, as I was a mess and didn't think I would have the strength to put on a good front. I had earlier asked a couple at the Pastorate if I could walk to their place and catch a ride, since after a wake up call I now longer drive as it is not safe do to my arm, they said yes. I emailed them back and apologized for wasting their time and I explained that I wouldn't be going because I wasn't good company. They asked why, was I not feeling well? I explained the call from Work Safe and how I was feeling.

My son told me " You know mom they are going to contact you back and tell you that your going!!" Sure enough moments later came the email, that they would be picking me up in 45 min. I got ready fighting the thoughts in my head all the way. I had been feeling quite isolated and alone in this and wanting someone to fight for me like I had so many times for those I loved, but as always I felt on my own.

They came to pick me up and off to pastorate we went. We arrived and I would soon find out that many of us are fighting battles right now and the support of each other was a well needed time.

God had brought me to a place what I was experiencing inside I was able to put words to and share with those in the pastorate, as well as let some of why I do things and the reason behind why I do them by sharing with them some of my painful memories of my past. God had great purpose in me being there, as I type much about my wounds and brokenness but rarely speak about them. I have to say there is a freeing that happens when you speak, rather then type....

Well the Pastorate was coming to a close and one of my Sisters in Christ came up to me and asked if she could give me a ride to work and moments later another Sister in Christ asked if she could pick me up.

I was soon coming to the realization that it wasn't just Work Safe giving me no option but to go to work, but it was God as he was setting everything up so there was no reason I could not get to work.

I went to work with the advice of a friend and the Pastor of Care at my Church and explained to the HR person that I was reporting to work do to the ultimatum by Work Safe threatening to remove my financial support if I didn't return to work on Wednesday, even though the Dr. agreed there was no way I could.

I went back to working with Accounts Receivable, as that was where I had been doing my light duties at work. I have to say I love working in that department, doing that type of work with a great group of people. I do get accused of being to quiet, as I find myself hyper-focusing on what I am doing.

I would soon feel my left arm elbow tweaking in pain as it is not strong enough to take the work load my right normally would, the reason why I wanted rehab for it to so that it could be strengthened and trained to replace my right.

I knew I needed to get that Specialist Letter to Work Safe and my Doctor, as soon as possible and the day before I had called back and forth between the Specialist and my General Practitioner trying to get the fax through with no success.

I went to the HR person to ask permission to use company time to phone the Specialist to get them to send the letter by snail mail, the HR person suggested to get them to try to fax it again. I had a light bulb go off, this was why I had to be at work, as I could get them to fax it to my work, giving me a copy of the letter. I called they faxed it and I now had a copy of the letter.

I asked the HR person if it would be ok if I came in late Thursday so that I could take a copy of the letter to the Work Safe office in person so they could not say they didn't get it & the Doctor, he said yes.

I have to say that took the pressure off of how I was going to follow through with this and how I was going to get from Systematic Theology Class, that is on Thursday mornings from 6 am - 7 am, to work for 8 am, as I was no longer driving.

I worked the whole day forcing myself to do everything with my left arm, as much as possible, but I found out that I needed to find a balance as my right arm was in pain and getting worse if I used it, but I would experience the same if I kept it completely stationary and by noon the pain had hit the nauseous state and I found myself taking lots of bathroom breaks as I tried to fight the feeling. I made it through the day though.

Thursday morning came, I got ready for the day and waited for my ride, a wonderful lady who had seen me walk the first day of classes and was also going to class and offered me a ride. I had asked her if it was ok if I only caught a part way with her instead driving me all the way home as I needed to take a letter to Work Safe, so that I could get a copy of the letter with WS date stamp on it. She said no problem she would drive me, what a blessing.

Theology class ended  and we went to work safe to find out they did not open until 8:30 am we were over 30 min early. She invited me to her place for coffee until they opened, this gave us time to get to talk and get to know each other.

She dropped me back at the office and I thanked her, I was a few minutes early and a lady came to the door and said it was to cold for me to wait outside, so she let me in. I handed them the letter and received my date stamped copy, now off to walk to the Doctors, as I went to get them a copy.

I arrived at the office to find the sign saying they were not open unit 10 am and it was just before 9 am, there was no way I was going to make it to work before noon so I called work and left a message to that fact. I was standing there waiting when a girl came out and said it was to cold to wait outside it was now around 9 am.

I left the office and as I was walking pass the attached grocery store I ran into someone from church, we said our hi's and good byes and off to the bus stop I went to figure out what bus to catch for work. I stood and waited and then waited for the bus to arrive when a mini van stopped and said get in, it was the person from church, she said she would drive me to work, what a blessing!

I soon came to the realization that God did not only orchestrate the day before, but he was placing all the pieces together that morning. I had so much joy fill my heart as I went from not wanting to do this anymore, to not being able to wait and see what God was going to do next, as his presence was very evident the last couple of days.

My day came to an end and I was had gotten myself into the position of not knowing if the Sister in Christ, who had picked me up the day before had the intentions of picking me up that day, I was ok if she didn't but I didn't want to leave in case she showed up after I had left. I didn't want to ask because I didn't want her to feel that she had to and I didn't want to impose and I was fine with walking home because it was a beautiful day for a walk. I finally text her, but there was no reply, the time came and went that she had picked me up the day before so I thought it was safe now to walk.

I walked home and with a few photo stops I was home almost exactly 2 hr later, so I now knew how long it would take to get to work. Yes some think I am nuts, but I am a walker and always have been. I walked to work the next morning and found out it doesn't take you as long to walk in the dark, as there is no distractions.

I made it to the end of the day barely as I was struggling with the pain in my arm. I was thinking of the walk home when one of my friends in the office asked if I would like a ride because she had to go that way, I was so grateful and feeling so blessed. She was going to the mall next to my place so I told her I could walk the short distance home.

I called home to let them know I was at the mall and was on my way and my mom said to stay put she would get my son to take her to the mall in the wheel chair and they would meet me and we would have dinner at the mall.

They arrived and brought me my mail, I had received a cheque from Work Safe. I could finally pay off the money I borrowed for the mortgage payment and my loan. Mom also said the GST cheque was in as well.

We had dinner and then we went clothes shopping, for the first time in my life I have taken an interest in my appearance, as I finally I am finally free of the fear of being me and free to say I like something or not without the fear of offending someone with my opinion. I for the first time know what I like and I don't like apart from everyone else is thoughts.

I had finally went through my closet and removed all the clothes that were not me but I had kept not trying to hurt the feelings of those who gave me them. I hadn't really had any say in my clothes for years as it wasn't something I could justify spending time or money on as there was so many other priorities way above me buying clothes.

I remember shortly after what we went through in 2009  a beautiful Sister in Christ took me out shopping and I felt so lost as she asked me to pick out an outfit and shoes. I have to say it was painful trying to connect to the social aspect and the picking of shopping for clothes, as I was so lost in that element.

I have to say that wasn't a problem this weekend as my mind knew exactly what style it was looking for and the colours. I was even thinking of matching up necklace and earrings and a jacket sweater, if you have really known me for a long time you are most likely having your jaw drop right now as you witness a miracle!

I was at such peace with purchasing clothes for me, something I never feel unless God gives me his grace & peace. I can't tell you exactly why but it was like God was taking his daughter shopping, like there was a purpose in this, as it wasn't part of my normal. Everything I liked fit perfectly including shoes on both my feet, that never happens unless they are lace ups, because my feat are 2 size differences between them and EE width, shoes don't fit easy. I was also blessed with almost everything I got was on clearance or at least 50%. I now have a clothes closet that represents me and I got rid of all my depression clothes, you know those clothes that reinforce that I am ugly feeling.

I am finding because I am treating myself with respect and dignity, when I go out I am receiving respect and dignity from all those who I come in contact with, people actually look me in the eyes now instead of looking past me....

I also spent my weekend walking with my mom on her first trip without the wheel chair, as she traded it for her walker, but unfortunately she ran out of energy before we were able to get back home, as she over did it for her first outing as we walked to the grocery store. My Son was so kind to meet us at the mall we were almost back to with her wheel chair so he could push her the rest of the way home.

I take a moment to reflect over this last bit and I so see God in all of it. I just sit back in awe as I witness God putting together, one piece at a time, the broken pieces in my life. In 2009, he opened my eyes to my brokenness and how much sin it created in my life. He picked up every little broken peace in my life not leaving any piece, no matter how small, behind. I have seen him place some of those pieces back in place and binding them with his grace. He is still working on the rest of the pieces of my broken life one at a time. On Tuesday I realized that my arm is one of those pieces, as when He created me I came out of my mothers womb left handed, but because of this world I was never aloud to be that left handed person as it was not except able as there had to be something wrong with you and my Dad would slap my left hand any time I would use it. When I was at work this last week I found myself verbally slapping myself every time I went to use my right hand and by the end of the week I was now ledge ably writing numbers and letters. I was returning to how God created me.

Father I thank you for your sovereignty and the peace that comes in knowing that. Father thank you for giving me eyes to see your sovereignty in my life this last week and renewing my strength to persevere. Father I know so many that are suffering right now through illness or someone they love so dearly. Father please show them your sovereignty in their situation, fill them with your peace that transcends understanding and comfort. Father, if it is in your will I ask for a miraculous healing in their lives, that glorifies you. Father I also lift little Brayan up to you, please free him from the bondage of shyness and I pray for his parents to have a deep relationship with you and their salvation. I pray for the school in Guatemala that you give them into the possibility of opening up another school. Father if another school is in your will open the door wide open if not slam it shut tight.

Father I come to you as a living sacrifice. Father consume me, break me and transform me in your will. May my thoughts be your thoughts, my my spoken word be your word, may my actions be your actions and my path be your path. In Jesus Name Amen.

Thursday, September 12, 2013


Dear Father,

Thank you for the hope in knowing that you are sovereign in the good times and in the bad times. Thank you for never leaving me even when I wonder a stray.

Father forgive me as I loose site of you sometimes and focus in on all that I am going through and fall from the peace you have for me as I wonder from your security and arms.

Father I know you came to me in the beginning when I first injured my arm and assured me not to worry that this is all part of your plan for my life as you were going to move me and this was part of that. I fell from that yesterday as I processed all that the Specialist in New Westminster had told me and my mind was getting stuck on two pieces of information he gave me that were free of any grey area. One, My injury to my arm was irreversible, there was no surgery or magic cure as he put it that would make it better. Two, I would never be able to go back to the field of work in which I  was hired for at my job. I know you reassured me on the way home to trust you and reminded me of your words to me in the beginning, that you had purpose in this.

Father when I told my work yesterday of the final definitive answer from the specialist, my boss asked whats next to the HR person and he said well most likely the will deem me permanently disabled, Father my mind hadn't put that thought into reality till that moment and it hit hard.

I was now faced with the reality that I would never get the full function of my arm back and this would always be with me. I walked away from that meeting processing the reality and during coffee I told two of my coworkers that I would not be returning to my job, and the anger stage of grieving my arm not ever being the same again started creeping out.

 I had noticed that I had missed a call on my cell phone so I called it back, it was my Aunt from Maple Ridge, she is such a close family friend we call her our Aunt. She gave me my mom as she was at the hospital. My mom informed me that she was coming home, three days after her Hip replacement surgery.

I started to crack under all that I was needing to process, as I knew there was no way I could assist my Mom with my arm in the condition it is in and my left arm, the uninjured arm was feeling very week. I knew my Son, the only other person in the house, was limited on the help he could give her, as his patience can be low and frustration high do to his Autism/ADHD. I was processing all the info that my Mom wouldn't have the level of care she needed if they sent her home and I had already from the day of her surgery on voiced my concerns with the hospital and felt no one was listening.  Father I had started loosing sight of you and your sovereignty over all things and that no matter what was to happen you are in control.

I left work early Wednesday, as from all the driving I had done the day before while I got lost going to my specialist appointment meant allot of turning around and this took the use of two arms, and my arm is in intense pain from it.

Well today I woke up in intense pain as on the way back walking home from the hospital, my arm popped again. I had to make the decision whether I was going to go to work or stay home and as the pain radiated up my arm I chose to stay home. I tried sleeping it off but that wasn't happening as my mind would not shut down.

I knew I had till 5 pm to pick up Mom, as that is the arrangement I had made with the hospital the day before, as I thought I would be at work.

Just before 11 am I decided I had to try to get what we needed from Walmart before I had to get Mom, so off I went. While I was driving back I could not shut my mind down as it was trying to process everything that was happening in the last couple of days and how this was going to work bringing Mom home, where I was unable to care for her. I decided not to delay it because with the pain I was in and my mind going on tangents, I would be way past dealing with it, so I headed to the hospital to pick her up.

I went to find someone to let them know I was early and was there to pick her up. I spoke to a lady and when I looked down it was the social worker I had tried to connect with the day before.

She started talking to me and asking me questions that lead to my miss trust of the Medical System and how I was concerned that once we left we would once again be on our own without any support if anything went wrong. She ended up getting me to dump the baggage I thought I had already let go of on the table as she asked questions and I was made to relive our nightmare as the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) started to take over , as I felt all the emotions come flooding back in and I was already fighting the effects of the depression I was starting to feel, as I grieved from the news that my arm was not going to heal. I was feeling like I was drowning as the water rose and I lost sight of you  Jesus. Mathew 14:27-33  I was loosing my ability to focus and remember things, to the point I left my purse in the social workers office and she had locked her door and went for lunch and I was told it could take up to an hour for her to come back. I was now feeling trapped in a place I did not want to be and I started feeling agitated. Thank fully some one had the spare key  and we could go......

Father help me win the war in my mind as I fight the lies that want to tare me down and destroy me as we walk through this valley........ A Sister in Christ told me I might be dealing with a Jezebel spirit......

I have to say I have been faced with this spirit a few times and I fought the battle as I don't tolerate it's lies and destruction. I submerge myself in God's Truth for my life through his living word. 

I am exhaust now from fighting the war inside my head and I must say goodnight, as my eyes try to force themselves closed. Ok I just nodded off, I hope what I have written is not as scrambled as my brain feels like right now..... 

Saturday, September 7, 2013


Dear Father,

Thank you for your sovereignty over all things and for refining my faith. I would not be here if it wasn't for your continued grace in my life. Thank you for the ups and the downs in my life as they shape me.

Father I ask for your forgiveness, as I continue to stumble into the ways of this world.

Father, as this week is to begin, my mother goes for hip surgery and life as we know it changes for a while. My mother has always made sure that she has cared for our daily needs as this was what she needed to do for herself. We had all stepped back and let her take control of that part of her life she could since she had breast cancer and lost the ability to do allot of the things she took as her independence, and none of us could do as well as she could. We come to facing the next weeks and month's as my mom becomes dependent on us to care for her and do many of the things she once did, please help us to do this to the best we are able and help my mom extend grace where needed, as we know we can't do it as good as she likes, also help us extend grace with her as she faces the frustrations that are bound to come.

Father I come to you as this week's past I have been faced with thoughts that I have not had for so long. I found end of the week before last and this past weekend, thinking about relationships as for some reason my mom and I started talking about them. I had mentioned to her that one thing I missed from being in a relationship was being touched and as I said to her I am not talking sex. I am talking that feeling you get when some one holds you in their arms, a simple act but means so much. Well that started off a world wind of thoughts as I started thinking about guys again and what I would like in a guy, as I ask myself what's up with this as I have been single for 20 yrs. and these thoughts I thought were gone years ago. I thought I would love to be in a relationship with a Guy who is Christ centered and is visibly showing the fruits of the spirit Galatians 5:22-23.

I ask myself is it biblical for me to get into a relationship again, as I am divorced? I know God released me from the soul ties (Genesis 2:24) of my past relationships, but is it biblical for me to think about dating? These are questions I do not have the answers to. I know that when my husband left me and moved to Alberta, when I called him a woman answered, and I know he told me that he had been in a relationship, does that make a difference? I find I at this point have more questions then I have answers Father, I ask for your wisdom in this and if it is your will for me to walk down this path that you light it up so I know it is your will!!

Father I keep on hearing your call for my life but I can't believe that someone like me can fill that role. Father please send me someone like Timothy had in Paul ( Timothy ), someone to help teach me and guide me in your ways. Father help me to listen to the Holy Spirit that you left to guide me ( John 16:1-12 )

Thank you Father for our Pastorate BQ at the home of a wonderful couple, with a group of people who are so caring! Thank you for seeing Kat again and the connection I have made with her, a connection that I feel I can talk freely about what you have shown me,  and she so understands what I am speaking about and contributes such insight.

Father I lift the ministry of Global Shore up to you and those with in the ministry, guide them protect them and fill them with your truths for their lives and the Holy Spirit. Father they accepted the thought of starting a second school in Guatemala 4 hrs. away from the one in El Tizate , Father if it is your will allow all the pieces to fall into place, they also looking forward would like to start a career college for Teachers, they can't as the rules state now, but we know this isn't an impossible  task for you, let your will be done.

Father I ask for your covering of the blood of Jesus for little Brayan and all the students at the school and their families. Father heal the brokenness in this community and cut away with the sword of the spirit anything that is not of you and return it to the pit of hell to never return, but in all things let your will be done.

Father I lift my family and friends up to you, Father you know what each one of them are facing, flood them with your peace beyond understanding and comfort them in their time of need, fill them with your Holy Spirit on a daily bases. Cut away with the sword of the spirit anything that is not of you and give them a great hunger for your word and truth in their lives.

Father,  I lift the people of this world up to you in prayer, you know what they are facing, you know each one of them by name. Father let your will be done in our lives, flood us with your love, mercy, peace, hope, joy, & grace. Fill us with your holy spirit on a daily basis. Place a hedge of protection around us & cover us with the blood of Jesus. Father if they do not know you draw them close so they can see you. Remove all barriers that would stand in their way to knowing you. Father transform us & help our eyes stay fixed on Jesus.

Father I ask you to consume me , break me and transform me daily, so that all that is left is you in my life. Father forgive me of the things in my life that are not pleasing to you and cut away with the sword of the spirit any branch in my life that doesn't bare fruit. Father if it is your will place your healing hand on my broken body and heal it Father.

I pray this through the Holy Spirit, In the name of Jesus, Amen!

Monday, September 2, 2013

Where Do I Start?

Dear Father,

Where do I start it has been so long since I have written you and much has happened and I have so much to be thankful to you for!!

I went for my bone scan and it showed something, but not a significant cause of what was happening in my arm, as I continue to deal with the injury too it. I am so thankful though that when I was at work a bit a go I heard a loud pop in my arm. I was instantly able to close my hand and hold on to things again and was like a kid with a new toy as the feeling of weakness felt gone.

My arm continues to pop in and out, but I am so thankful for the moments it is in. I am also so thankful for your presence while I went for my bone scan and getting me through the appointment. I say very convenient that the original appointment was cancelled for the Sat, as all their machines broke down at once. I was so blessed the Monday when I received a call to get over to the bone scan immediately as they had rescheduled me, not giving my emotions enough time to run through the worries of how I was going to face the hospital, as I had no time to think before it was already done, over and I was leaving. Thank You Father.

Father I prayed to you that if it was your will I could be able to go see Jars of Clay at the Agrifair in Abbotsford, BC, Canada. I had found out I couldn't enter to win through the radio station, as my work was a sponsor and I thought all chances were gone. I had a coworker at work tell me that she would try to make sure I got tickets. My work ended up getting passes to the Agrifair, Early entry to the concert and meet and greet with Jars of Clay. I was asked to put up a sign in our three buildings, by the time clocks and in the lunch rooms and to be sure to put my name on. I have to say I was so blessed to receive the ability to not just go to the concert but to meet Jars of Clay.

Father, I face many health challenges but always feel your ever presence through them filling me with your peace and comfort. I know I may have been cast a lot of suffering but I also know you are always there to comfort me and get me through, I never walk this alone! 

Father I can see your healing in my life as you take me through these trials, showing me how far you have brought me since I surrendered control to you! I have sat in this last little while in an emergency department that I held so much anger for, with medical issues that in the past I would be sitting in great fear and anxiety, I lay there two days in a row filled with your peace beyond understanding. I have to say though it confuses the medical staff when you are in your arms, filled with your peace, as they think you are faking your medical issues, because that peace is unnatural in their eyes in that circumstance. I rest on the knowledge that you are the great physician.

I see you moving in my life Father as I have experiences things  that I would not have if it wasn't for you opening doors and putting all the pieces into place. Through this injury I have been able to connect and get to know so many more people at work, as I have worked with the receptionists, next to the parts staff, the marketing staff and now with the administrative staff. Giving me the chance to get to know some wonderful people and remind me of all the skills you have aloud me to acquire over the years and re ignite the drive to push forward and at the same time be still and know you are God, as everything that is happening is not of my making, but of yours and I Thank you for that.

I thank you for providing for me to start Theology Classes this Fall, that run for two years and is only the cost of the textbook. Father let this be teaching from you, give me discernment and allow what ever is not of you to not take place in my thoughts or my heart.

Thank you for the opportunity to be invited to take a watercolor course for free, as this is something I always wanted to do again.

 Thank you for providing for the Beth Moore Simulcast coming up, only allow the things that are pleasing to you take root in my heart and soul.

Father I continue to pray for the people of this world, as well as my family,  friends and Brayan and his family, you know what each one of them are facing, you know them by name, you knew them before they were formed in their mothers womb. Father I ask that you soften their hearts, remove the scales from their eyes so that they can see your truth for them and how much you love them. Father fill them with your Holy Spirit on a daily bases and cut away with the sword of the spirit, anything that is not of you! Guard us Father, protect us from the one who would rather see us fall away from you, forgive us Father for the things we do that don't glorify you.

Father I pray for you to comfort me Mom as she prepares for hip surgery a week today.

Father I ask you to take my life as a living sacrifice, consume me, break me and transform me till all that is left is you. Father I ask for your forgiveness and ask that you take me to the river and wash away my sin so that I am white as snow in your sight.

I pray all of this with your will to be done above all, In Jesus Name Amen.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

July 7, 2013

Dear Father,

Thank you for allowing me to be alive this week and for being my strength, when I am week!
You know every moment that will come my way and you know my needs. Father thank you for loving me in my weakness.

Father the lies started creeping back into my head again this week, since the set back with my arm, I do though in the back of mind I know you have a purpose in this.

I found out last week I would be going to get a bone scan at the hospital on July 6, that would mean spending a whole day at the hospital that is where I spent most of my time during the  refining fire of 2009. I started to feel the anxiety and flashbacks from the PTSD(Post traumatic stress disorder) come back and it had bean a very long time since I had been brought back here.

Light Bulb Moment
Father I am finding every time I pray against the enemy, I fall under attack. I had prayed for friends who left for a missions trip to an orphanage in Mexico, as my girlfriend and her husband were falling under spiritual warfare. You stopped me in my tracks one day to pray against the garasens, gate keepers and principalities that were coming against them, I knew it was you because I don't normally pray against those when praying for my friends and family, even though maybe I should.

I also started feeling ugly and fat, a couple of weeks ago,(after I prayed) something I don't normally feel or think about, but this time it was becoming overwhelming as felt even uglier to the point of thinking who would even want to look at me or even consider me for anything more than what I am now, an ugly fat cow with no way out of  the life I was stuck in now, everyday. My heart though was telling me that these were the lies of Satin trying to oppress me one more time and rob me of my hope and my future, but that hope and future God has promised me! (Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139:13-18)

Father I thought if I aloud my mom to die my hair, last weekend and then go strait for a haircut, as you blessed me with the funds to do so, that it would make me feel better, and I wouldn't feel so ugly, but as this week continued even with the new hair due I was feeling uglier and uglier.

I went to physio on Tuesday and as I waited in the waiting room I was faced by one of the Dr.'s from the hospital that was part of the refining fire of 2009 , I don't know if he recognized me. He was only about 6 ft away from me.

I sat there as the video tape of the moment in 2009 played in my mind, as I felt the emotions of that time come flooding back. He was the 1st. Doctor I had gotten enough courage to say I was not leaving, after only being there a total of 5 minutes with the Dr. and being told to go home without any answers or help. I wasn't leaving!! I have to say that was one of those many futile moments. I was filled with such frustration, helplessness, pain and anger back then, and all those emotions came crashing like a wave in a storm against the shore. I thank you Father for giving me your strength to get through that moment and through my appointment, as the anxiety raged through me, knowing Sat bone scan was coming.

The feelings I was feeling from everything were starting to drown me, I wasn't sleeping and by Friday I finally did what I should have done in the beginning Father I prayed asking for your help and ran to my brothers and sisters in the church for prayer:

I could really use your prayers as it has been a week of Spiritual Warfare, Depression and PTSD, as I run into people, spend time at places and see things that trigger flashbacks to what we went through in 2009. I thought they were gone but this week they are back like a vengeance. I go on Sat at 8:00 am to the hospital to spend a full day there well I get my bone scan and really need your covering in prayer as it is one of the biggest triggers to the PTSD. I don't know why I am being brought back to these painful memories that I thought were long gone, but I know through your prayers God will carry me through this valley as well.....Thank you for your prayers!

I posted this on the Churches Facebook Prayer Group and I emailed it to my pastorate. Father I had received a response that convicted me that I may have been coming across ungrateful for all that you have done for my family and I. Father that is not the case at all!!! I am very grateful for everything because without you I would not have endured what we had gone through.

I wrote a response to that convicting response trying to clear up that miss understanding and sent it via email and Church prayer group on FB:

I might have come across as ungrateful in an earlier post, Please understand that I am very great full for all that God has done in my families and my lives as there are far to many to count. I also know he will send me many trials as he refines my faith. I know God will deliver me through this as he has many times before. 

God has also called me to remove the mask I once war and be real and not allow what I experience to be a blanket of shame to be hidden and to be a weapon of the enemy against me, like he has used in my past. I am finding the more I am open about everything the less power it holds over me and instead of becoming Skeletons in my closet, God turns them into Testimonies of his love to all who are witnessing the trials I go through and the comfort God gives me in my weakness, as he brings it all back to Glorify Him!

I am very blessed by what God has done for my children, mom, my family and I through what we experienced in 2009, as we all went through so much then, as my sister was terminal during that time with Kidney failure and my grandmother would be diagnosed terminal with Kidney Failure as well during what we were experiencing and both would pass away not that long after, but through that God’s presence was greatly felt.

I trust God Completely! I though am weak, but through Christ alone do I find my strength, as the Devil plays with my mind and thoughts. God has taught me to run to my family in Christ for prayer, and pray in the Spirit in all occasions. Ephesians 6:10-20 

Thank you for your Prayers! A Couple in me Pastorate shared this with me “The bible is a book about suffering, with the greatest suffering of Christ taking our sin on the cross. What are we to do with suffering and trials? Why do we have suffering? The answer is in Romans 5. “ I have also found the answers in 2 Corinthians 1:3-11.

God also brought me to this verse in the Bible tonight: “ During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.” Hebrews 5:7

Thank you all for being my family in Christ!

May God continue to Guide and protect you all, as well as those you care for!

Light Bulb posted as a comment afterwards:

wow I was just thinking about what I posted and the picture of Adam and Eve right after they ate the forbidden fruit and the fall began, as they covered themselves up with fear and shame, as God came walking through the garden calling them came flooding through my mind.....

Father I never knew that this was how you would deliver me from the darkness I was under and would shine light to drown the darkness out!

 I didn't realize as I wrote my response and focused on what you meant to me, how grateful I was for everything you had done, testified to what you have bean doing in my life, what you have been teaching me and all the scriptures you brought to me as I wrote, you were replacing the enemies lies with your living truth. I found the peace and joy return, as well as the beauty. You gave me the strength to start walking again with camera in toe and look back through the lens at the beauty you created helping me find the beauty with in once again.

Father thank you for never forsaking me and always loving me and picking me back up and holding me when I fall. Father I am forever grateful for what you have done in my life and continue to do!!

Father I lift up to you a family from the church that were hit by a drunk driver as they headed home from church on Sat. Father heal the physical and emotional wounds they have experienced from this, cut away  with the sword of the spirit anything that has clung to them from the enemy that might created bondage from this incident. Father fill them with forgiving hearts for the one who did this to them, as you forgave us.

Father I also lift up my Best Friend Linda and her husband and the team they went with them to the orphanage in Mexico. Father do great things in them and through them as they serve you! Father I pray against any gate keepers, garrasons or principalities that may be coming against them and cut them away with the sword of the spirit and be returned to the pit of hell where they belong to never return.

Father thank you for the thoughts you brought to me this morning for my daughter about her dilemma as it takes time and giving me the words to pray through it.

Thought or I guess you could call it a parable of a relationship( Father correct me if I am wrong):

A seed that is planted may appear on the surface like nothing is happening, but it is taking time to  germinate and in that will need watered and fertilized, so that once it brakes through it can grow into a strong plant that could blossom and bare much fruit, but don't forget as that plant grows it will continue to need water and nutrients to grow or it will shrivel up and wither to nothing and die.

Father thank you for the encouragement this gave my daughter and I know it was from you!!

Father You know what my son is facing right now, I ask that you give him the wisdom and the tools Father and deliver him from what is not from you!

Father as my mom faces the bondage of illness and disability please give her the strength and wisdom to break free of all that is not of you!

Father I lift up the people of this world to you in mind, body and soul, may you flood them with your truth. Father remove the scales from their eyes and the hardness that has formed a barrier around their hearts, so they can no longer be blind to your truth and your Holy Spirit can flood their hearts. Father create an unquenchable thirst for your word, your truth and a deeper relationship with you! Father many are searching for something that is missing, help them to see that is you they are searching for and it is only you that can fill the hunger they have for more.

Father I ask you to touch Brayan , his, family and his community in a special way this summer, a way that brings you the honour and the glory!

Father I continue to ask you to consume me, break me and transform me.

Father in all of this let your will be done!!

In Jesus Name Amen!

Monday, July 1, 2013

July 1, 2013

Dear Father,

Thank you for allowing me to be born in Canada and for growing up here as today in Canada we celebrate what it means to be Canadian. I think of the freedoms I have here to worship you without fear of persecution, where many are put to death for just being a Christian.

Father I am so thankful for your mercy, grace and love you have shown me and the reminder that I do not walk this alone. You fill me with such hope of what is to come. Revelations 21:3-4

Father it has been awhile since I injured my arm and I still struggle with it as I think and believe it is getting better and then I find myself feeling like I am back at the beginning and there is no hope of it getting better. I get frustrated as I have no fine motor skills with it or the ability to push or pull anything and I realize that these are tasks greatly needed in everyday life and I struggle with pride as I have to ask for help for things that should be so simple. I find in the frustration I start opening up the door to the enemies lies and sometimes fall as I start to believe them but you are always there to pick me back up. You are always there to remind me that I am precious in your site and wonderfully made, as you created me and chose me! Isaiah 43

Father I know even through the valleys I am to fear no evil, as you are with me and  your rod and your staff will comfort me. Psalm 23

I know that even in what I face you have a plan and a purpose for. Jeremiah 29:11

You have taught me so much already through the many trials and I know you will continue to refine me through them that my faith will be more precious than gold. 1 Peter 1:6-7

You continue to teach me your truths and that your word is truly the living word as scripture from the bible continues to come alive in my life today.

Father I lift up the people of this world to you in mind, body and soul, may you flood them with your truth. Father remove the scales from their eyes and the hardness that has formed a barrier around their hearts, so they can no longer be blind to your truth and your Holy Spirit can flood their hearts. Father create an unquenchable thirst for your word, your truth and a deeper relationship with you! Father many are searching for something that is missing, help them to see that is you they are searching for and it is only you that can fill the hunger they have for more.

Father I ask you to touch Brayan , his, family and his community in a special way this summer, a way that brings you the honour and the glory!

Father I ask you to guide my daughters heart as she allows her heart to be vulnerable for the sake of  love, guard her, protect her and grow her in your way. Oh and please let him seek you first father, to find the love of my daughter.

Father I ask you to remove any strongholds in my son's life and set him free to walk the way you want him to walk. Father bind up the ADHD and Autism that take him away from his focus and drive to push on and persevere. Father I know you have great plans for him as you have brought him so far!

Father I lift my Mom into your arms Father, let your will be done in her life, bind and arrest anything coming against her that stands in the way.

Father I lift my dear friends Linda & Jim, Betty & Brian and all those who leave with them this week on a Missions Trip to an orphanage in Mexico. Father Guide them, protect them and cover them with the blood of Jesus, fill them with your peace and strength as they serve you. Father Give them the wisdom they need, the words to speak.

I continue to come to you and ask you to consume me, break me and transform me. I ask that you cut away with the sword of the spirit what is holding my family and I in Poverty and return it back to the pit of hell to never return!!! I also have a bit of a selfish request Father for a Nikon DSLR Camera, so I can continue to take photographs.

Thank you Father for all that you have done and are continuing to do in my life!
In Jesus Precious Name, Through the Holy Spirit Amen!

Saturday, May 25, 2013


Hi everyone , I'm dropping you a quick post. I haven't been on here for a bit for two reasons one I have injured my right arm and cannot use it to type and second my computer has died and my phone is my only access to the Internet . God is still walking with me and brought me to a place at my job where I was able to pray for many people and their families over a great geographical area, as I sorted ballots, this would not have been possible if I had not injured my arm. I prayed for these people for their mind, body and spirit, for God to remove the scales from their eyes, to soften their hearts and massage them back to life and two cut away with the sword of the Spirit anything that was not of Him and return it to the pit of hell where it belonged, I also prayed for their Salvation and for God to grow deep roots in relationship with Him and for them to bare much fruit and in all things let His will be done. This is how the Holy Spirit lead me to do.

I ask you now to pray for these people and for God's will in their lives and for God's will in my life as I continue to ask him to break me, consume me and transform me and take charge of every part of my being I have witnessed much fruit of that prayer and wait in anticipation to see what else my Father has planned for my life!!

Well for now I say Good Bye for now, until I am able to post again!
May God guide and protect you and your loved ones as we all journey towards home!

Saturday, April 27, 2013

April 23, 2013

Psalm 27:4-6Isaiah 32:1-3Mathew 6:25-34,  Jeremiah 29:11Matthew 14:22-33

Dear Father,

You are my rock, my shelter. You are the great I am!

Father forgive me it has been a while since I wrote you. You have been doing some amazing stuff in my life!

Father after my last payday I had only $ 20. left to put gas in my tank, to get to work. I felt it was time for me to make it stretch, as far as i could.

I had Pastorate the following Tuesday and I was contemplating whether or not to go. I was using the excuse: I couldn't go because I didn't have enough gas to get there, so I wouldn't be going. You quickly removed that excuse as you whispered in my ear "You have two feet." You knew my heart, you knew the real reason I was avoiding Pastorate. I was avoiding Pastorate because I was avoiding confrontation with a Sister in Christ that had been trying to help me and it wasn't working the way she wanted it too. You have taught me to face my fears and this moment would be no different, as fear does not come from you. I Googled the walk to find out what was the best root and when I would need to leave, it would be approx. a 58 min walk and 4.6 km.

I was so glad I made the walk to Pastorate, as I so feel your love when I am there and it broke the ice on the conflict with my sister in Christ. I was told that I wouldn't be walking home, as it would be dark on the way home and that I should just ask if I need a ride next time. I have to say though I enjoy the walk as I get time to spend with you uninterrupted.

My week continued on and the unknown and uncertainty grew with it, as my heart and flesh waged war with each other. My heart knew you were in charge and would not forsake me and what ever happened would be your will and I would hold on to your promise. My flesh fell back to its old ways of stressing over the uncertainty and lack of control.

I was running out of Papayas and gas. I only needed to make it to Saturday night to fulfill the 40 days of the prophetic diet, that I knew was more about obedience and trust than it was about the diet. I still had money left on account at the produce store from the beautiful sister in Christ, but I had no gas to get there and it wasn't a walk that I could make before they closed, after my work day, the doubts started creeping in that I was going to make it until Saturday.

I started planning what I would do if or should I say when the gas ran out, as on top of it I had an extra day of work added in (which was great because it meant overtime, but not until my next pay check) meaning one extra day to figure out gas for and reinforcing my need to make a plan for when the gas ran out.

I Googled the shortest & safest route to walk to work and it would be 6.7 km taking an estimated 1 hr 26 min., only approx. 30 min longer than walking to Pastorate and unlike Pastorate it would be level, with the exception of some low grade hills. I felt it was definitely do able. I figured by Monday I would be walking.

I phoned Mom after work on Thursday to let her know I was on the way home, as I usually did.She asked me if I wanted to go to Costco as soon as I got home. I was so confused. My Mom had to my knowledge no money left, as her pension check didn't come in until the same time as my next paycheck. I had definitely had no money, so why would we want to go to Costco?? I have to say I had been praying for a miracle and boy did you deliver!! My mom told me that she had received in the mail today our dividend's cheque for Costco. Praise you for that Father!!

We went to Costco with Grocery list in hand and the plan to get a gift card for the gas as we wouldn't be able to get to the bank in time to deposit the cheque and Costco doesn't take cash at the pump. When we received the bill for the groceries and the gas it was only 1 cent off in our favor  Thank you Father for your provision!! Father forgive me for my week faith!! 

Father I lift the people of this world up to you Father, including my family, friends, little Brayan, the people of Global Shore , the people of Fraserway RV,  and the people of Guatemala. Father you know them by name, you know what they are facing, you know their hearts and you know what they need. Father I place them into your loving arms, please fill them with your Holy Spirit so they can bare much fruit, with your love so they know you are near, with your peace, strength and comfort so they can make it through the days ahead, with your mercy and grace so that they may walk with you and your faith so they can believe even when they cannot see. Father if they do not know you soften their hearts so they can see you, cut away with the sword of the spirit anything in their lives that is not of you. Father I pray your salvation over each and everyone of your treasures. Father above all things let your will be done.

Father I continue to ask you to break me, consume me and transform me into who you created me to be, allow my life to be a reflection of you! I know you don't need me Father but if it is your will use me. I surrender my life to you as a living sacrifice. I love you more than life itself.

In Jesus Precious Name through the Holy Spirit Amen. 

Monday, April 15, 2013

April 13/14,2013

Psalm 61:3-5, Psalm 91:1-3

Dear Father,

You are the great I am. Where I end you begin.

Thank you Father for the full nights sleep, for getting my bosses mom through heart surgery and for witnessing my boss thanking you for getting her mom through.

Thank you again for the sister in Christ that put aside money at the local produce and allowing her gift to multiply as after two visits to the produce store and filling our fridge and fruit bowl, there is still more left. Father through this blessing you have continued to provide a way for me to continue on eating the Papaya and olive oil, that you asked me too.

Father thank you for all those who prayed for me today, may you poor out an extra measure of blessing on them today and on their families, as their prayers helped sustain me, through your grace.

Father I took the medication the Doctor prescribed for my arm. Although I was able to have a nights sleep, I was feeling really sick from it, everything I ate had a metal taste to it and I am sure it is impacting my mood, as I felt heavily burdened and down, where before no matter what was coming my way I could rest in your peace and joy, today that was gone.

April 14, 2013

Dear Father Thank you for your presence of mind to stop taking the medication and I know now it was putting me into a depressive state, making me nausea and causing the metal  taste. Everything now is back to normal. My arm still hurts to move, but at least I am not feeling sick and down and out.

Father I lift the people of this world who are near and far from me, you know them by name, you know what they are facing and you know what they need. Father fill them with your Holy Spirit and cut away with the sword of the Spirit what is not of you in their lives. Father fill them with your mercy, grace, peace,love and joy. Father if they don't have a relationship with you draw them near to you and remove all the barriers that stand in the way.

Father I come to you asking for your forgiveness, as I fall short. Father break me, consume me and let your will reign in my life. Father take charge of my thought, my dreams, my spoken words and my actions.

In Jesus Name Amen.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

April 12, 2013

Luke 11:1-11, Philippians 1:8-10, Hebrew 5:13-14

Dear Father,

Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us day by day our daily bread.
And forgive us our sins,
For we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.
And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.”

....Oh Father where are the days we would recite this prayer in Churches and in Schools, as common practice? Father you have reminded me of how we were suppose to pray.

Father I rest in your promise as the waters start to rise.

Father today was a day filled with struggles, again. I think part of it is because I have been finding it difficult to sleeping the last couple of days because when I roll onto my arm the pain wakes me up. I am so tired.

Father I need your help and discernment, as I am faced with a situation with a sister in Christ. She so wants to help me, but her help comes at a great cost. She doesn't ask how she can help, but just goes ahead and does what she thinks I need and sets up before even speaking to me to find out if it is ok. I am left to feel like I am being treated like a child that needs someone to step in and take control because I am being deemed incompetent to think for myself and take care of myself. I grew up with that kind of help that thought I was to dumb and needed to be controlled and it came at a cost of myself, as I was programmed to ignore my needs and make everyone else happy. Father you set me free from that and I don't want to loose me again and fall back into that dysfunction. Father what she is asking puts demands on me that I cannot fulfill.

Father I know her heart is in the right place and she is now mad at me. I have had to decline and cancel all that she has set up. I just don't have the strength to deal with her anger and defensiveness right now, as it causes me to stress, that intern leads my body to physically shut down do to the PTSD. I know she needs to be in control and any discussion will lead to an argument and raised voices. Father can you intercede in this please.

Father I thank you for allowing the gas light to not come on before my paycheck, for the low cost of my prescription for my arm and for the nights sleep it allowed me to have.

Father I lift up to you my bosses mom, as she struggles with her heart and renal failure. Father this brings back memories of what my sister went through for years and the suffering and fear it caused. Father please flood her with your peace beyond understanding, your hope and love for her. Father I ask for you to place your healing on her, if it is your will.

Father so many are facing struggles of many kinds, right now. I lift them up to you. Father fill them with your Holy Spirit, your peace, mercy, grace, hope, joy and love. Father through you they can have great hope, but if they don't know you soften their hearts so the can see you, help them to find a relationship with you.

Father I lift up El Tizate and the school, in Guatemala, up to you. Father bless them and touch each of their lives in a way that you can to Glorify you.

Father I lift T, A, little B and my Mom up to you. Father draw them into a strong relationship with you, that makes things of this world grow strangely dim, guide them, protect them and fill them with your Holy Spirit.

Father I come to you asking for forgiveness because I have sinned against you. Father I ask that you take me to the river and wash me, so that I can be white as snow in your eyes. Father break me, consume me, I surrender to you, take charge of my thoughts, my dreams, my spoken words and my actions. Father let your will reign in my life, not mine.

In Jesus Name Through the Holy Spirit Amen.

Friday, April 12, 2013

April 11,2013

Mathew 8:23-27, Mathew 14:22-33, Mathew 16:5-12, Mathew 6:24-34, Jeremiah 29:11-12

Dear Father,

I know you are sovereign over everything and your plans are good and not to harm.

Father forgive me as my faith is taken over by doubts and uncertainty, of how we will get passed these times of struggles. I know you have continually provided in our times of troubles and have gotten us through. I know I need to trust you in this as well.

How come though I still get anxious and worried about our finances. Why do I continually allow this to become a strong hold on my life. Father please help me to let it go, because I am weak and you are strong. My mind keeps racing to find a solution and fix it, even when I know you are the answer.

Father I know this is only temporary, as it is only catch up from missing a paycheck, but my brain goes back to the fear of going backwards.

Father I know it was your will that I went to Guatemala, as it could not happen unless you provided and you did. I so miss walking with you the way we did there.

Father please take charge of my thoughts, my dreams, my spoken words and my actions. Father break me, consume me and free me from my will. Father let your will reign in me, fill me with your Holy Spirit. Father protect my family, friends and I from the author of lies.

Father help me to get out of the boat and walk on water with you. Help me not to lean on my own understanding, but on your sovereignty and promises.

Father I lift T, A, Little B and my mom up to you, guide them in your righteousness, place a hedge of protection around them and cover them with the blood of Jesus.

Father many of this world are facing something. Father fill them with your Holy Spirit, Your mercy, Your grace, Your Joy, Your peace and Your love. Father if they don't know you open their eyes and remove any barriers that are preventing them from coming into a relationship with you.

In Jesus Name Through The Holy Spirit Amen.   

Thursday, April 11, 2013

April 10, 2013

Psalm 27 , Psalm 62:2Psalm 31:3

Dear Father,

I have not wrote to you in a while, as I have been struggling to put into words what has been happening in my life. Through it all, Father I have not been alone as you have walked with me, filling me with your strength to get through and your peace that allows me to rest in your promise.

Father I was struggling in many ways last Saturday. I temporarily lost self control when the man was aggressive and ignorant at the second hand store, as we dropped of donations and he wanted to park where we were parked. H e was only considering what he needed and it didn't matter about anyone else and he was verbal about it and I was verbal back and shaking with temper, until you reminded me to recite out loud and repeat mercy and grace and the lady from the second hand store added peace. In repeating it over and over again, You reminded me that we are all sinners and you made a way for us all through your mercy and grace through your son Jesus.

Father the challenge continued as I found myself preparing to go out for dinner with my mom, as my brother-in-law invited us to go to dinner with him and his new wife and then we would go back to my sisters and his town house. My mom was needing to pack up the figurines my sister wanted her to have. I was faced for the first time going into my sisters home since she passed away, but thankfully I was not alone as my sisters and brothers in Christ were praying for me. Father you gave me the strength to make it through the night with bottled up tears and having to accept that things were moving on.

Father you are my rock and my shelter, you alone give me strength in times of trouble, through this broken world.

Father there are so many people of this world face many mountains and I can think of many within my walk that are facing mountains. Father I lift them up to you! Father bless them, fill them with your Holy Spirit, your love, mercy, grace, strength and peace, if they don't know you draw them close, soften their hearts so they can see you.

Father I also lift up to you little Brian. I so miss his love filled hugs. Father guide him to walk in your ways daily, fill him with your Holy Spirit and bless him.

Father I lift up to you my two children. Father guide and protect them and little Brian. Father cut a way with the Sword of the Spirit anything that is not of you and return it to the pit of hell where it belongs to never return, Bless my children Father, as they are your children as well.

Father I come to you for healing of my right arm, as the Doctor said I have a form of tennis elbow fro repetitive work. Father I thank you for my dad forcing me to right as a child with my right hand all though I was left handed, so that I can be ambidextrous. Father I also ask for your provision so I can make it to payday, two days away.

Father above all that I ask you break me, consume me and free me from my will, let your will reign in me and above all things let your will be done.
In Jesus name through the Holy Spirit Amen.  

Saturday, April 6, 2013

April 5, 2013

Isaiah 30:26Proverbs 3

Father you are greater than I could ever imagine, Your love is greater than I could ever know.

Father I thank you from the bottom of my heart for calling me into a relationship with you, that I could never have imagined. I heard a song once that said when we draw close to you the things of this world grow strangely dim. Thank you Father for drawing me close to you!

You are all that I can think of and  want now. Father you have brought me so far from that broken girl that hated you and despised any thought of you. Thank you for never giving up on me!

You alone have delivered me from the brokenness, as you carefully took one broken piece at a time and restored it perfectly back to where it belonged.

Father I know the work you have started in me is not finished yet. I know you will complete your good work that you have started in me.

Father I surrender, break me of myself, restore me completely to who you created me to be, let your light be all that people see when they look at me. Father let your Gospel flow out of me into those who cross my path.

Father help me to carry my cross well so that your Glory can be shown through what you have done in my life.

Father I love you more than life itself, give me the strength and wisdom to do your will in my life not mine. Help me to walk in the Holy Spirit daily.

Father I lift up the people of this world to you. You know them by name. You know what they are facing. You know what they need. Father fill them with your Holy Spirit, flood them with your Love, Joy, Mercy, Grace and Peace beyond understanding. Father cut away with the sword of the Spirit of You the things that are not of you and not pleasing to you and return them to the pit of hell where they belong to never return. Father if they do not know you draw them near, soften their hearts so that they can see you and want you. Lord Jesus Come.

In Jesus Christ Name through the Holy Spirit I Pray Amen. 

Thursday, April 4, 2013

April 4 2013

Philippians 4:5-7

Dear Father,

You are sovereign over all things and always present. You are Lord of Lords, King of Kings, the one and only true God.

Thank you for allowing me to take breathe into me this morning, for being present in my life and your continued provision. I was praying to you on Saturday, as I had no idea how I was going to continue on the 40 days of Papaya that the Holy Spirit through prophetic word had requested of me. I had no money to spend until the 12th of April, when I would receive my first full paycheck since my return from missions. You always knew it was possible, even when I was unsure, as you are the great provider.

Thank you for the sister in Christ that was faithful to you, as she approached me on Sunday wanting to help provide fruits and vegetables. Praise you for your love and provision!!

Father I come to you and lift up many that have had loved ones pass away and ask that you hold them, comfort them and protect them from the author of lies.

Father I also lift up to you my children. Father guide them, convict them and help them walk in the way you created them to be. Cut away with the sword of the Spirit anything in their lives that is not of you and return it back to the pit of hell where it belongs to never return.

Father I lift up to you all that are facing physical or emotional challenges and those who are fighting for their lives, comfort them, give them your peace beyond understanding and restore them to who you created them to be.

Father I lift up to you my mom, please Lord draw her close to you and help her to have an intimate relationship with you. Guide her and protect her Father.

Father I ask for your protection over my life, as I struggle with being able to focus and my dyslexia making it difficult to write these words. Father bind and arrest any demonic coming against me and those I care about. Father I am struggling with tiredness that only comes when I am trying to spend time in your word or praise and worship. Father I ask you to break me of all that is not pleasing to you. Father I surrender, take me and change me from the inside out and let your light shine. Father I ask that you take charge of my being and life, take charge of my thoughts, my spoken words, my dreams and my actions. Father let your will be done not mine.
 In Jesus Name Amen.

After much prayer and thought over what I heard while typing Day 8 in Guatemala I would have to say it was possibly the author of lies as this is the scripture my Father in Heaven brought me too: Mathew 24:23-28

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

April 3,2013

Genesis 22

Dear Father,

Father I Praise you for how merciful you are to me when I do not deserve mercy.I thank you for the grace you poor out in my life. Thank you for your redeeming me from myself and the path I was walking in sin.

Father I realize that I have been saying I'm all in but you are showing me that I am not quite yet, as you show me I have one more area in my life you are still working on. One area that I do not trust you enough to let go of and that is trusting you with my Mom's care. I know if it is your will you will for me to do something you will take care of everything.

Father I ask that you guide me, fill me with your truth and give me your strength to let go and place it in your hands.

Father I come to you as the Father to the Fatherless. I place my son in your hands and ask you to free him of the bondage of this world and show him that he is perfect and wonderfully made, as you created him. Father help him and teach him to walk in the you created him to.

Father there are so many grieving the loss of a loved one right now. Father we know they are not lost if they have a relationship with you, because there has been a place prepared for them in your mansion.

Father comfort those who have been left behind, flood them with your peace, grace and mercy. Fill them with your Holy Spirit and protect them from the author of lies.

Father I lift up the school, little Bryan and all who live in or come to El Tizate up to you. Father bless them and fill them with your Holy Spirit. Father if they don't know you remove all the barriers around their hearts and draw them close.

Father through your strength I ask that you consume me and take charge of every nook and cranny of my being and my life. Take charge of my thoughts, my dreams, my spoken words and my actions. Father let your will be done in my life, not mine.

In Jesus Name Amen.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

March 30,2013

Happy Easter!!
He Has Risen!!!!!

Luke 24:1-12

March 30, 2013

Dear Father,

Father I cannot lift enough praises to you that will even express how great you are!!

Father words can not express how grateful I am for what you have done in my life.

Father thank you for the opportunity to participate in the Secret Church: Heaven, Hell and the End of the World, on the night of Good Friday. Thank you for the affirmation it gave me to what you have been teaching me and for the thought provoking teachings about the care of our physical bodies now and cremation vs being buried, as our bodies will be renewed with our spirit.

Father I come to you for forgiveness, as I found myself snapping at my mother, not for something she did but for the battle I was internally fighting. I feel my call for my life to walk with you in complete dependency while sharing the Gospel with the unreached  and the lost. I all so feel the hold of my Mom's dependency on me and the love I have for her. I am feeling torn, as I know my mom fears her future without my support.Father I am feeling torn between my love for you and the love for my mother.

Father is there a way I can do what you are asking me and leave my mom secure in what she needs from me. Father if there is please help me to see. I want to follow you, my heart is burden for those who do not have a relationship with you.

You have given me a glimpse into what those who do not except you will face and it brings me great pain and sorrow to think that this is their future if they don't except you, as their future is filled with eternal torment where their thirst will never be quenched.

Father how can I know what I know now and not make spreading your Good News a priority in my life. How can I become complacent,sit back and watch people  loose their lives to spend an eternity in Hell. When you want to give them salvation through the Life, Death and Resurrection of your Son, Jesus Christ.

You brought me to the edge of Hell, but you also brought me to the edge of Heaven. I was given a glimpse into your Glory when you dried my tears and showed me your loving, joyous, beautiful presence as you filled me with your love and peace beyond understanding.

I want all to experience the gift of Salvation, that is waiting for all who believe and except what Jesus did for them.

Father I love you more than life itself. You have shown me a portion of your love you have for me and in that the hope of an amazing future with you.

Father I ask that you set me free to do your will, let my will be put away to never return. Father take charge of every nook and cranny of my life and being. I come to you with empty hands and an open heart. I ask you to use me for your glory, if it is your will.

No words I say and nothing I ever do will ever measure up to what you have done for me. Thank you Father!!

Father I hold up to you all who are grieving a loved one. Father may you flood them with your comfort, love, strength and peace beyond understanding.

Father I lift up to you all who come, live and learn in El Tizate, may your love abound in them and may they have a personal relationship with you.

Father I lift up to you little Bryan and his family, may they be flooded with your Holy Spirit and walk in your shelter daily.
In Jesus Name Amen.

He loves you too!! You are his treasure!! The precise words you use to accept Jesus into your life don't matter, he knows your intention. If you are unsure of what to pray, this might help you put it into words: "Jesus, I want to know you. I want you to come into my life. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sin so that I could be fully accepted by you. Only you can give me the power to change and become the person you created me to be. Thank you for forgiving me and giving me eternal life with God. I give my life to you. Please do with it as you wish. Amen" 
You are so loved more than you will ever know!!