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Sunday, November 17, 2013

Nov 17, 2013

Dear Father,

Thank you Father for your love and for the wisdom and knowledge that no matter what you are sovereign over all things and that you go before me as I walk this journey!!

Father I met with my dear friend after you gave me that vision and even though I had been thinking about the meaning of the vision and was ok what I thought the possibilities it could mean. I was set back by my friend putting it into words that maybe you were telling me that you were telling me that you would be calling me home to glory. I verbally rejected what she was saying, even though my heart was entertaining the idea.

Father every where I turned after the vision you gave me, spoke on the point of visions and those who received visions in scripture and discernment on visions, through scripture and the body of Christ. I knew that the vision was from you without a doubt, as we even discussed it in theology class the first class after the vision.

Father this last few weeks have been challenging with Work Safe and the injury to my arm. I ended up leaving work for a couple of weeks, because my arm was in massive pain, I scratched up the side of our mini van after loosing the power in my arm and taking it along the cement pillar in our underground parking( thanking you that it wasn't on the street corner, where it could have been a pedestrian!)  and I couldn't finish a day of work without being in so much pain that I wasn't sleeping. I received a call from my case manager that told me I went back to work or they would cut me off, that is the summarized version as the full version left me broken and in tears and not feeling so good. I was thankful because as I got off the phone I was headed to the Dr.'s and he agreed that I couldn't do it and gave me the option to see what EI could do for me. I had also left a message for one of the Pastors at the Church for advice. I would also have coffee with a dear friend that evening and it was suggested that I just go to work and sit there. I was fighting depressive thoughts and gave into the fear of loosing my job, my support from Work Safe, my ability to keep a roof over my son and mothers head. I would return to work the next morning and no I can't just sit there it is not in my nature to be paid to do nothing. Father why do I keep leaving my security in you for this need for the false security of this world?

I don't drive anymore, because after what I did with the mini van I feel it would be completely irresponsible and selfish to get behind the wheel. I would have to figure out some other way to work. I had no money for the bus, as I waited for my Work Safe cheque, so I would need to walk to work and did the 6.7 km. I was blessed with some wonderful sisters in Christ who blessed me with rides, so I only had to walk there once and home twice. I was able to get a bus pass on Sunday to last me the rest of the month. First day on the bus I left at what I thought was the rigt time but I would get to work at just after 6 am and I didn't start work till 8 am, so I would wait outside the gate until some one arrived and was blessed with a beautiful sunrise over the mountains.

I would be back to work for a few weeks and received a couple of cheques for work safe when I would received a letter blaming me for an over payment that they had made to me for over $630. I really didn't know as it was enough just to make it through each moment of each day. I would now have to pay them back, I have no idea where the money went as all we did was pay bills  and buy groceries and there was nothing left, but I would need to pay them back. Father I am leaving this one in your hands, as it seems impossible for me, but nothing is impossible for you!

I went for my CT scan that the Urologist sent me for and this last week when I was going to the Dr. to try to find a balance between pain and sleep, my Dr. had the results. The CT scan showed that my Kidneys were fine, but I have a Hernia, they also spotted a mass on my ovaries and my bladder had multiple, I think he said Pollups( don't quote me on the last one, as I was lost after the first two).

My brain went strait to the talk about the mass on my ovaries, because I have survived Cervical Cancer, that went from precancerous to stage 5 in 3 months, when I was blessed with the surgeon removing it all. I had been asked by the Urologist if I had received Chemo and I hadn't back when I had it in 1999.

I strangely though even with all this news had great peace as my brain went back to the vision and the knowledge that in all this you are still sovereign and going before me and I take great comfort in this.

Father I don't ask for healing, as I do not want to ask for something that would possibly take me from the plan you have for my life, if I have learned anything over the last several years since you met me in the brokenness that I want to walk the path you have set for me, I no longer want to be in control and I am no afraid, as long as my eyes are fixed on Jesus. You have given me such peace and comfort in this. Father can you please flood my family with this same comfort and peace to walk this journey.

Father I also lift up several friends and loved ones of those I know who are battling cancer. Father walk with them in this Father fill them with your Holy Spirit and if they don't know you open their eyes to see you. Father if it is in your will please give them a miraculous healing.

Father I also lift up little Brayan and his family up to you. Please give little Brayan boldness and deliver him from his fears. I also ask that you open his parents eyes to you and give them a conversion of the heart to see what it means to have a relationship with you.

Father I lift my mom, my son and my daughter up to you Father, I place them in your hands, please take care of them and guide them on the path to righteousness and eternity with you!

Father I continue to come to you and ask you to continue to consume me, break me and transform me so all that is left is you!

In Jesus Name Amen.

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