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Friday, December 24, 2010

Yesterday & Today Christmas Eve

Yesterday I broke down & went with my Mom to help her with my Sister & spent the day doing my favorite thing Shopping, not. I do have to admit though it was nice spending time with my Big Sister, but it is hard listening to the pain she is in it makes you feel so helpless to do anything. I wanted to so take her to the church to have the elders pray over her but I am sure that is way out of what she would allow.

I find the battles I face with family are so complicated because I Love them so and that will never change but because you love someone doesn't mean you love their actions & this is where the struggle begins. I know this struggle all to well as a product of a single parent & watching my children go through the same struggle. You love both your Parents but you don't always like there actions & this tears you up inside because guilt for those feelings take over. Christmas brings up allot of those conflicts as what use to be simple becomes complicated as you try to find what best works for all but inevitably it isn't going to work for everybody. See the Simple is the kids wake up at home with Mom & Dad start the Christmas morning without the stress of if I like Dads presents will it hurt Mom, But if I like Moms presents will it hurt Dad. Where am I spending Christmas this year & with who. I hope you get what I am trying to say, the brokenness of the family continues even after the separation it can't be escaped.

I wake up this morning realizing that it is already Christmas Eve & I am feeling numb as this Christmas isn't what I remember of Christmas. Christmas this year is the first Christmas without my Nana as she passed away in July. She was the glue to hold the family together & loved Christmas nick nacks. We all found ourselves thinking boy Nana would like that as we went through the stores & the realization that she won't be here & all the emotions that come with that. :..o(

I also no that this is our first Christmas without everyone together as it doesn't look like my Dad & possibly my Brothers family won't be spending Christmas with us as family this year. What really makes it difficult but I understand why & it was something she wanted & needed to do, my daughter is spending her first Christmas in 18 yrs away from home & not even close by as she has gone to another Province in Canada to spend it with her Dad this year, so I can tell you the worldly view of Christmas this year, the shopping for presents & the hustle & bustle & baking has died for me this year. I feel really bad for feeling numb this year because my son is still here as his Dad only sent Airfare tickets for his sister & this isn't fare for him, it is his first Christmas with out his Great Grandma & now without his Sister.

I know all of this is not what the meaning of Christmas is, Christmas is the Birthday of God's only son Jesus Christ & this is where I am trying to keep my focus this year amongst all the sadness & lack of funds for Christmas.

Follow this link to the true meaning of Christmas: The Birth of Jesus

 I pray that you unwrap the Gift of light God has given us amongst the Darkness this Christmas in the birth of his only son, Jesus Christ.

I would like to wish you a 
Merry Christmas!! 

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