Wow this week has had it's ups and downs, but thankfully more ups then downs.
Sunday I went to Church with my son and listened to the last message in the series of Jacobs life and during that time there was talk how Jacob boldly asked for to be blessed and I found myself boldly praying for a blessing with all my heart.
I was blessed with getting time on Monday to go for coffee with a dear friend. We ended up talking on the need for human contact, as we live in a world that gets farther and farther away from it. We fire off emails and text messages that are open to miss interpretation. Many things we say even if we use the exact words but change the tone in our voice can have completely different meanings, we can't portray this to someone on the other end of the written word. We now leave it up to how it is being read by the person on the other end, opening up the possibility for painful miss understandings.
Emails and text are not personal, I know when we were going through the thick of it the friendly voice of reassurance and listening was far more comforting than reading an email that my emotions could play with, without having someone have the ability to give me feedback that this wasn't the intentions of their words.
I wonder if anyone's phone rings much anymore? We thought that wouldn't it be wonderful to see if the Church fasted from electronic communications for 40 days and actually replaced it with human contact what community would come out of it as people actually spent the time listening & getting to know one an other.
Tuesday, I awoke to flash backs, something I had not had for a bit, they were intense and exhausting as I fought them. I had facebooked what I had been experiencing at first coffee break and about an hour after I could feel the prayers I was receiving as the flash backs were lessening and they were being replaced with peace and calm in my heart. I was blessed later that evening by a wonderful sister in Christ that I am starting to get to no on a bit deeper level. She gave me a ride to our pastorate. We discussed at our pastorate the last of a series we had been doing at church called The Holy Rotten Scoundrel, following Jacob's Story in the Bible, if you can go to the link I have provided through the name and take the time to watch them, a very powerful message. We had been discussing it in our small group how God always came and interacted with Jacob when he was alone and when Jacob was at the lowest points in his life and more open to hearing God.
Wednesday after work, I had a counseling appointment at 7pm at the same side of town as my work, but the opposite side of town from where I lived. I had discussed with my family the night before that I wouldn't be able to come home after work because making that extra trip home and back could be the difference between being able to make it to work till the next payday. We decided it would be financially better for me to grab a cheap burger and stay at that side of town. I went after work and grabbed my burger and sat in the restaurant. While sitting there a couple came in that I knew from my old pastorate. I finished eating my burger and while sipping on my drink and waiting for my appointment I took the opportunity to crack open my Bible something I am sad to say I hadn't done for a while. I opened it up I had Luke 14 on my heart and low and behold that is where my Bible fell open too. I started reading all the way from Luke 14 to Luke 19 God was so with me as I read and the Holy Spirit Spoke to me through the scriptures as I started relating to the words said.
I heard the Holy Spirit tell me that like the builder God is creating a foundation for the Plan he has for my life. God will in his time call me to follow him when the foundation is built. I was also told, I may not have anyone who will come to my house now but my table will be filled with the poor the crippled the blind and the lame when he opens the door for me to come follow him when the foundation is built.
I started to feel the Joy return to my heart after spending time with the one who holds my heart in his hands.
I then left to go to my counseling appointment with all my newly found wisdom from my time with God. I though was a bit slow to the up take as she said I looked calm and I gave the wrong answer as I told her I had been fighting a migraine all day..I had quite connected the dots to what she was seeing was a result of my time spent with God...I wouldn't clue in till I went home.
Thursday, I woke up to this strong thought that even if someone held a gun to my head I would not deny Christ as my Savior. I thought about that and realized before the trial we went through I would have been terrified by that thought but now it would bring me great joy to be able to die for my faith as I know that it would be a no loose situation as I know that heaven would be waiting for me.
I went to work and the wisdom kept flowing. I realized as the Holy Spirit continued to speak wisdom into my life that there was a purpose to what I went through. The Holy Spirit told me that a day would come that I would be tortured for my faith and killed. When I heard this what I went through came flooding back in my mind, but it was different this time. I was told you have experienced being beaten black and blue and the equivalent to being tortured and through that you experienced me standing with you and between you and the pain, you know that I will be there with you, there was a purpose. I have been showing you, teaching you, and testing you in preparation for the plan I have for you. I have been teaching you that you do not walk alone, you can love as I have loved you, that you can trust as you trust me, to be free of fear knowing I am sovereign over all things and that you can forgive those, knowledge that I will all ways care for your needs and you can love those who do not know what they have done. I have also been teaching you to pray for those that are easy to pray for but also those that are hard for you to pray for.
I have to say if I hadn't gone through 2009 these thoughts would terrify me. I know get great excitement and Joy out of the thought of walking with my Lord in this way, sharing his Good News to those who are lost.
Friday, I had been praying for a miracle even through all the wisdom I was being given as Sunday will be my Mom's 68 Birthday and over the last few years we were not in the position to do anything for her really on her Birthday as finances always got in the way. We were faced with that same problem this year but a bit worse as we had run out of groceries, as my last two paydays went to housing and gas to get to work. Friday morning I was messaged by a Sister in Christ who wanted to help. She wanted to meet me that evening. God had some pride to work on as he humbled me to respond. I was so grateful for the answered prayer and the kindness of a Sister in Christ that I have only met in person twice, but had interacted with over Facebook. We met and she handed me some money, I was so thankful and humbled by her generosity, care and trust.
God has been teaching me that I can't always be on the side of giving as there is a time he needs to work on the wall of pride. I had to sit in my vehicle for a bit as I sat in shock of the generosity and blessing I had just received. I phoned my mom and asked her if she would like to get groceries and she asked what and I explained to her the blessing we had just received and I could hear a weight being lifted of her shoulders. We went out with our list of essential groceries we had run out of (meat, veggies, fruit, juice, milk, flour and so on) we had spent a 4/5 of the money restocking the food in our house. God has the most perfect timing and always takes care of our needs by his grace and the people he brings into our lives.
Thank you God for what you have been doing in my life and for drawing me closer and closer to you with every breathe I take. Father I lift those of this world up to you, you know them by name, you know what they are facing, fill them with your Holy Spirit, draw them close to you and if they don't know you remove the barriers that stand in the way. In all things your will be done. In Jesus Name Amen.
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