How are you doing? I don't know if you remember me or if you are just tired of hearing my cries, because I know I am. God I can't figure out my roll in all this is, but I feel like I have done everything in my power to muck it up. I thought I had figured it all out that night I was broken & you dried my tears. All I want in my life is to find out where I fit in the scheme of things with your will. I feel right now that I have gone deaf, mute & dumb. I have lost my ability to hear you through the fog in my head. I feel like I have lost my voice I cry out & no one hears my cries. I feel dumb because I just don't get it. I don't know what I am suppose to do. I try to think & all that happens is my brain feels numb & it starts to hurt.
God you have asked me to go to Kenya & follow you, I don't understand, how could someone like me do anything worth while for you. You gave me a gift that I don't know what to do with. I need help Father I know I can lean on you, but I don't know how. Father I am fighting this thought of wanting to beg you on my hands and knees to bring me home, as I can't do this anymore, I feel like I have failed you & all those around me as I have no more to give. Father I love you & I don't want my free will anymore please I want to be a puppet on your string where I only do what you want me to do without thought. I fall on bended knee broken inside to surrender to you.
Your broken Child,
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