Today when my Son and I drove to Church, my Son said to me " We have gone a month already with no income and it really isn't noticeable, our needs are all being met and we aren't going hungry." We can only come to one conclusion God is taking care of our needs. We have only received one handout since I lost my Job and that was by a dear friends husband who fixed my Mom's cracked shower and wouldn't except payment for it. We have not received any other charity. We though did get the call from the bank saying that we wouldn't have to worry about our mortgage payments until Dec. 22, 2011 and they had over half the money towards the roof, I don't know about you but this doesn't strike me as something a bank generally does. I do believe that God is taking care of our needs. Mathew 6:25-26
My Son also told me that he had been concerned because before everything we went through I could put most guys to shame with what I could do because I was so strong, but now I was unable to do some of the simple things, by the way if you think you are putting anything past the children in your life your probably not.
We started talking about the fact that I never really slowed down allowing myself to be renewed. I had told him that I didn't stop because it had been drilled into me that if I was idle I was being lazy. My son's response " Mom there is a difference between being lazy and taking a break!" Wisdom of the Young.
While listening to the sermon today at Church, my past thoughts were revisited, on Mark 10:46-52 I was brought back to the moment when God delivered me from the trial that changed my life.
Our Pastor spoke on how Bartimaeus, a blind man was most likely hearing about Jesus healing many and most likely was praying diligently for this healer to come near where he sat to beg for money to survive and when he heard the large crowd and was eventually found out it was Jesus he made a ruckus and the more he was told to shush the louder he got until he was called over to Jesus. The Pastor also mentioned that in Bartimaeus going to Jesus he through off to the side the blanket full of the money on it. How he had called for Jesus with the calling for God. He was healed and left every thing to follow Jesus, who was going to be crucified.
I was brought back to the moment Jesus delivered my family and the healing began, all I wanted then was to give up everything and follow him, I had lost all the desire for the things that once I had thought were necessities in life. I though still had a barrier to following Jesus my families need of me to support them as they weren't with my trust of God's provision for our lives. I felt like Bartimaeus did to through away the things of the past and come follow Jesus what ever that meant. Today listening to the sermon this again has become a very strong feeling a feeling that tears at my heart because I am torn for my love for Jesus and want to leave everything to follow him, but I am faced with the love for my family and not wanting to hurt them and make them feel like I have abandon them.
I prayed back then for God to show me a way that I can follow him with out hurting my family. I know the things that are happening in my life are for a reason and I need to lean not on my understanding and lean on the hope, mercy & grace my Savoir has for me. I know he is working on freeing me from what stands between me and him but it is in his perfect timing. He has a reason for all that he does. God is never changing he is the same today as he was yesterday and will be the same tomorrow, all knowing and all powerful.
I was brought back tonight to God's note back to me and this is where I need to keep going back to be reminded. I need to keep my focus on Christ Jesus, not how we are going to survive or what I need to do or what others think I just need to keep my eyes on Jesus through that alone I will be delivered from all that I am brought to.
Thank Jesus for everything you have done, thank you for my Sisters & Brothers in Christ that Pray for me as you here their prayers. Thank you for the trials that shape and mold me to who you want me to be. Thank you for your comfort in all my troubles so that I can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort I have received from you. Help me to cont. daily to lean not on my understanding, fill me with the Holy Spirit daily, carry me when I can't carry myself. Use me to show the world your Mercy & Grace, Use me to draw your children home to you. In Jesus Christ Name Amen!
I have a link to the sermon's from my church down the left side, new sermons are posted on the church site usually the following Tuesday. Gospel of Mark is the study we are on right now.
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