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Sunday, September 4, 2011

Continuing the Journey of Loss part 2

I finished at the counselors appointment, knowing I needed to find away to deal with the message I was given, trying not to let the emotions of grieving take over my response, being I had taken the bus to my appointment I decided since I was across town from where I lived I would wonder for a bit and give myself time to think. I wondered over to get something small to eat at McDonald's as it was already just past lunch time and I knew I wouldn't make it if I didn't eat or drink anything. I sat and continued to think of how I would handle this problem I was facing. I had a verse in the bible that was read at church, Mark 8:33, where Jesus told Peter "Get behind me Satan." I wondered in and out the second hand stores thinking & half looking for a stand for my photography. I kept on being brought back to that verse. I felt that the comment made to me in the message fit a similar response because as of what Jesus had told Peter “You(she did) do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.” I was unable to shake this verse every time I thought about the message it would pop up. I wrote back to her simply put "Satan be gone!" this did not end the discussion as it cont. on Facebook and on the phone, as my grief applified as I wasn't just now grieving my sister but also what I thought was a sister in Christ and how hurtful this whole back and forth was. I finally unfriended this person on Facebook and contacted the Church we both go to to request some assistance in mediating to resolve the problem. 
My mind kept on going back to communion and how we are not suppose to take it when we have any unresolved issues with another sister or brother in Christ and I knew we would be having communion the first Sunday of the month and I wanted this resolved. I was so glad when I had received an email back from the Church saying they would be willing to help in this matter.

Tuesday I ended up stopping by our new Doctors office to make an appointment as I was finding it very difficult to breath, they had just had a cancellation so I was taken right in, turns out the bug my daughter had brought home had planted itself in my respiratory system and was causing the labored breathing, so the Doctor gave me what I would call horse pills as they are huge.Also Tuesday the first episode of the show we were filmed for aired, we watched it and it was really good. We don't know when ours will air yet as they are not playing them in sequence. We are quite nervous on how they will  portray us in our episode. Thursday I went with my Mom to help my Aunt move out of her house, her first move on her own since my Uncle past away from brain cancer. We had already had committed to helping her months before my sister passed away and even though she told us we didn't have to I didn't feel right abandoning her. The Move took us the majority of the day, my children had to fend for themselves for dinner that night as my Aunt lived several towns away, to my Mom's pleasure they did not burn the house down.

Friday came and I woke under this extremely dark cloud, I felt like a failure and was filled with the overwhelming need for someone to take responsibility for what they had done to my family. I would soon realize why God has taken my forever private life and opened it up for all to read, he did this so if I fell under the darkness of spiritual warfare and I couldn't find the strength to get back up he would use the body of Christ to hold me and carry me back to his truth for me. Through the scriptures, Mathew 11:28-30 & Psalm 91, being posted on line and the prayers I was receiving I could feel God working on me when I received a call from Praise 106.5 Radio Station telling me in God's perfect timing that my songs that I had submitted for the Positive Drive @ 5 was selected, God's way of reminding me of how great he is in my life as the songs I had selected had represented the Journey from falling down to the blessings from teardrops to a great love for Jesus Christ.  I so needed the reminder at that point of how far he has brought me. The darkness had lifted one more time.

I will have to say goodnight for now as it is past 12:30 am and my eye's become heavy, Good night all talk soon.

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