How do you explain the passion and desires of your heart? When once before these would have been greatly foreign to yourself and strange.
I can't seam to explain to those around me the hunger that grows with in me, a hunger that is getting really hard to ignore. I am starting to understand stand, as I am living it, 2 Corinthians 5:11-21. Who I once was is no more, as the new creation that is with in has come.
What use to hold my attention does not anymore. I only have one desire now, a desire to shout to the world what God has told me and I have witnessed through his Word, as God is teaching me. How does one stay complacent when they have witnessed what I have witnessed.
I was baptized in Nov. '08, as I thought it was time after asking Jesus for forgiveness of my sins and invited him into my heart over 10 yrs. earlier.
I had asked him in as I was at a low in my life, raising two babies on my own after my husband left, and my youngest was not developing language and other developmental steps at expected times and forever having violent self injures behaviors that I knew weren't normal but wasn't getting any answers and I was tired of doing it alone and I was told Jesus was the answer so I invited him in, but not really, as I really didn't understand and I had major doubts that kept creeping up.
After I had been baptized was when the I started hearing from the Holy Spirit in a way I had never heard before and through 2009 God taught me to listen to the Holy Spirit. God brought me to a place where the world closed its doors and it was Father/Son/Holy Spirit and me. I found my strength to walk through every moment through the Trinity and I know that I would not have made it if it wasn't through the Trinity.
I know Jesus was stepping between me and the bites, the punches and the slaps as I felt nothing allowing me to do what I needed to do to protect my child. Only a few saw the black bruises and bite marks that covered my body, but I never felt the pain that should have come with them. I know when I walked through that year I never walked it alone.
The Holy Spirit kept bringing me Gods Word to help me get through and enough to understand that everything had its purpose. Many would never understand unless they had experienced it themselves. You see I am dyslexic, I have a very difficult time reading my Bible do to it and the majority of the scriptures I have learnt are not because of me purposely sitting down and memorizing scripture so I have them etched in my brain, I would lie to you if I said this was the case.
God is using his living Word to speak to my heart and he has been bringing them alive in my heart and my life.
He started at the beginning of our journey in 2009 when the Bible was brought out by my son and then all of a sudden my son, my mom and I in unison started reciting Psalm 23 He brought that verse alive in 2009, as he gave me everything I needed to make it through. He gave me the strength, perseverance and his Word I needed. He gave me a lens of a camera that aloud me to rest if only for a moment to focus on the beauty that surrounded me. He guided my footsteps for his names sake giving me a testimony of his love. Even though we walked through the darkest of valleys. I did not fear the evil as God taught me that I had authority through Jesus Christ to rebuke and command what was evil to go back to where they belong. God was and is my comfort. He prepared a table for me in the presence of my enemies as he gave me the opportunity to sit with those who had been against us. He anointed my head with oil as he dried my tears: my cup overflows. He has taught me that no matter what that his goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord. I will never question that again.
In the middle of what we went through he brought me 1 Peter 1:6-7. I know it was only through the Strength God gave me I was still able to rejoice in his name through every moment of everyday of what we went through. I had no doubts of his presence. I had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials through that time as what we went through was not just what I shared in the Testimony of 2009, I was also dealing with my sister who was diagnosed terminal and was on dialysis as her kidneys had shut down and because of her diabetes and bad heart didn't qualify for a transplant and because of this we watched her suffer greatly as we faced the grief of knowing she wasn't suppose to make it past Christmas. If that wasn't enough in the middle of 2009 my Grandmother was diagnosed terminal as well as her Kidneys were shutting down as well and because of her age and her health and watching my sister go through dialysis she chose not to have any treatments, so it was a matter of time for her as well. Through that time my faith grew as it was refined by every time we would face another moment and at the end it did result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus was revealed to me as I was broken and died to myself the night my tears were dried.
at the end of that time he gave me 2 Corinthians 1:3-11 I am seeing this now more than I saw it when we first came through it as I witness many go through pieces of what I have already went through, what God had already comforted me through. I now am able to understand what they are going through as, I try now to comfort them with the comfort I received from God. I am also seeing the fruit of what I went through and that is a tremendous blessing to go through what I have if it brings comfort and salvation to those around me.
God also showed me the importance of putting on the full armor of God(Ephesians 6:10-18). I have a much better understanding of what we are up against, a war that is not of the flesh. I have witnessed the spiritual forces of evil, as I have been faced with it many times over, since God gave me the gift to see it, but through God teaching me how to wear his armor I have learned to be ready for battle. My first experience was when God gave me his truths all that was needed to free someone I love I love from demonic possession. I learnt then that we need all parts of God's Armour, as the evil one fights with using fear, threats & lies that you would not recognize like a wolf in sheep's clothing unless you are fully suited up. He is really good at twisting the truth to try to convince you of his lies.
We in the develop world don't really see the battle that goes on around us like many are aware in other parts of the world, but I am here to tell you it is very real and we are not immune. You see the spiritual forces of evil surround us through our complacency, you see we are not much of a threat as long as he can keep us wrapped up in the wants and desires of this world and keep us complacent to fighting what really matters getting God's word out there and spreading the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I ask you when was the last time you stepped out and shared what Jesus has done for you? Do you know anyone that does not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Do you know what your or their tomorrow will bring? Have you shared with them what you know? or Have you fallen into the trap of complacency?
We all are given the choice to walk with Jesus or walk with the spiritual forces of evil. Who do you choose to walk with? God has shown me that there are only two sides and if I am not on one side I am on the other. I have witnessed the horror of the side against God and I will choose to walk with God and when I mess up ask for his forgiveness.
God has also showed me what Mathew 6:25-34 means. When the world had closed its doors and I was left without a healthcare system or a job because of what we went through God brought this verse to life as he brought me to an understanding of how much more valuable life is than what we think we need to sustain it in this world. For over 6 months, I would realize this as we went through only focusing on how we would make it through the days with our lives; food & clothing became unimportant. I went those months without being able to eat as those moments became impossible to have. I still manged to walk through it as God became the only bread I needed.
Then as time went by God taught me that he was our provider as were we not more valuable than the birds and he feeds them. God showed us that he indeed would care for our needs as he took care of our housing by having the bank tell us, after I lost my job, that we wouldn't need to pay our mortgage till next year and that they would cover the new roof we would need. I don't know about you but to me that was unheard of. We would not have money to buy groceries but God would bring his living word alive again in my life as he showed me first hand the story of the five loaves and 2 fishes (Luke9:12-17), as he took what we had and made every days meals satisfy our hunger and there would be more for the next day.
I could go on and on about what God has been teaching me and I most likely will continue in the future.
I just have a desire to walk with Jesus in full dependency of him. I want to go out into this world and tell everyone this isn't just something to believe in it is very much alive and real!!
I have a desire to walk from one coast to the other of Canada declaring God's truth as I follow Jesus and his lead, serving those who I come in contact with the love and comfort my Savior has given me. I have been told I am crazy, I have been told I should be happy where I am and that this is the ministry God has placed me in, but I ask why does my heart break to leave the things of this world that hold me in bondage and walk free with the one who has saved me spreading his Good News. I feel that I have spoke to all that I know about what God has done for us through his Son Jesus Christ and I need to reach the unreached. I know that I am probably being a dreamer but I pray not, I pray God will set me free to follow what my heart breaks to do go out and share what he has done for us.
God I can not praise you enough as you are the almighty, all sovereign, King of Kings Creator of all. I come to you asking to be free of the bondage's of this world that hold me back from walking with you in your complete will. I want to shout out to all that do not know you and share what you have done for us all. In Jesus Name Amen.
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